Tag Archives: sex

Cheating is Everywhere

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I bought a couch the other day off Craigslist. I went to see it, and I liked it. But I didn’t have a truck with me. So, I talked with the guy a while until I was sure I trusted him enough to leave him a down payment (so he wouldn’t sell it to someone else) while I went and got myself a way to move it.

When we talked, he told me about his wife and daughter of seven, and how his job as a pilot often took him away from them. As a military spouse, I empathized. He seemed to genuinely love his family.

A few hours later I came back to pick up the couch. I had my friend with me. She immediately recognized the guy, and then an awkward silence followed. She told me as soon as we were alone that she used to place Craigslist ads for kinky meetups, and had dated this guy for a while earlier in the year after he answered one of her ads.

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So this guy spent 20 minutes earlier in the day talking about how much he missed his wife and daughter and how much he loved his family. But then I found out that he was lying to his wife and cheating on her with my friend.

I know that studies show cheating is rampant in “monogamous” relationships, but I just can’t believe how often it comes up in my life.

My husband is a sailor and most of his shipmates are married. Yet when they get to a port that isn’t their home port, most of them make a beeline for the brothels. And who knows? If I didn’t get tested every 6 months because we are in a poly relationship, maybe my husband would too. He knows he can’t- because the chance of getting an STD are so high from a prostitute, and since I get STD tests from all my partners I would know anything we got would be from him.

But if he was with a woman who was less conscious of sex and sexuality, maybe he would join his “happily married” co-workers at the brothels.

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I know a lot of couples who claim to be monogamous, but there are only a few whom I would guess actually are. So many people lie about it, and so I had to think about why.

My guess is this: I think talking about sex is scary for people. I also think society forces the idea of monogamy as an ideal onto us, even though it is not our biological instinct. And I think the combination of those factors make people feel like they have to lie rather than simply admitting that one partner isn’t always enough.

This is probably why I write about polyamory so much. I want people to know that it’s okay. Having sex with people other than your partner is totally possible in a consensual way. But you have to be honest with each other. You can’t lie about it. You have to talk about it and set limits and boundaries and find your comfort zones.

I guess I hope that if I just keep writing about it, more people will be exposed to the idea and eventually it won’t be so taboo. Because right now, people are sneaking around and this is helping STDs spread, and fostering a battle of the sexes and a lot of negativity and divorce. It’s out of hand.

I hope the pilot who sold me the couch tells his wife some day that he is cheating with women off Craigslist and they work it out. I hope all the military husbands stop sleeping with hookers when they are away some day. I hope people figure out how to have sex responsibly without putting their relationships in jeopardy some day.

But today does not seem to be that day.

 

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Watching My Husband Have Sex

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One of the things people talk about when they advocate for monogamy is about picturing their lovers having sex with someone else. They say they simply can not handle the thought; that it is too awful to think about. Often, in a relationship, the parties involved begin to feel a sort of ownership of each other, and of course this extends to sex.

In fact, I have seen jealousy in the many extremes over the course of my lifetime. Once, a member of my D&D party found himself kicked out of his home by his girlfriend. I offered my couch as a place to stay until he sorted out what to do, and inadvertently opened myself up to the private details of his relationship as they continued to fight in my hallway long after he had moved out. He was vocal about he details.

It seems that she felt that even looking at another woman on the street was cheating, as was watching pornography and talking to other girls. When they had been together, she had gone so far as to “supervise” our D&D quests, sitting in while not playing just to make sure he wasn’t looking at any of the female players while he played his character.

It is not my wish to judge this type of relationship. Cheating is whatever you and your partner agree to, and that can be anything from emotional connections with others to physical love. It can be anything from your subscription to Playboy, to talking to a female coworker. And where you set limits in your relationship is none of my business.

However, I would like to say that just as I am willing to respect your right to consider pornography cheating if you wish, I think it’s also important to consider the other side of things. Perhaps my standards for what is considered “cheating” can be equally valid to your own?

With that said, I happen to really enjoy watching my husband have sex with people other than myself.

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For us, cheating is defined as lying to the other person about a relationship. It’s fine to form emotional attachments with other people (I was rather attached to my recent boyfriends in Portland, and he’s been attached to many of his lovers as well.) But we were always honest about it.

I think we knew at some point along the way that we share a bond that is unique for both of us; one of mutual love and respect that is somehow deeper than other attachments that we form. I couldn’t explain why. It’s still too new for me to understand. It will be three years in the spring, and in that time I can’t say I’ve ever really figured out how it works. We are just alike in a way that is fundamental to who we are, and it allows us to understand each other in a way that is comfortable and fun for us both.

As it turns out, we both enjoy going to sex cubs, having threesomes, and other variants on “traditional” sex. And this has allowed me opportunities to see my husband in ways that I couldn’t see him if we were exclusive. I have been able to watch him whisper in another girl’s ear during an orgy, telling her that she was beautiful and asking if she would like to have sex. And I have been able to watch her giggle and say yes, and then to see him take her in his arms and watch how things played out. Seeing him so completely enthralled in what he was doing at the time; the way he forgot about the room full of people and saw only her… and to see him so focused, in a way he never is about anything but sex…

To me, it was fascinating. And certainly it made him seem more attractive to me. Here were these beautiful girls, far prettier than me, excited to have sex with him. Moaning in pleasure. Laying back, closing their eyes, and giving themselves over to the moment…

When I see my husband that way, it reminds me how beautiful he is. It makes the silly things fade away. Yes, he drops food on the floor when he eats. Yes, he will leave all his clothes in a pile (clean and dirty!), smelling them to see if he can wear them. He has habits that I find perplexing or don’t entirely understand. But those are silly things. What do they really matter?

Another occasion where we had a threesome with a stunningly beautiful girl in Korea, I was watching them have sex after I had played with her, and I was amazed at how they were more beautiful than people in a porn. And yet here they were, giving me this little private show. And I got to see them at their most vulnerable, and in such a state of being laid bare before me, in every sense. And they were just gorgeous.

It’s not the same as the cuckold phenomenon, where a person enjoys being deprived while their partner engages in sexual contact with someone else. I couldn’t find a name for our fetish. We just enjoy seeing every aspect of one another. We like to see how we each behave, from up close and at a distance. And we like to see other people be charmed by each other.

All I know is, when I watch people have sex with my husband, or fall in love with my husband, or laugh at his jokes even; I am proud beyond words. And it reminds me how great he is, and how lucky I am to have him. It reminds me that his good points far outweigh anything bad, and that the relationship will always be worth the effort I put in, because I get so much back.

Lately I have been on a military base around a lot of monogamous people who think that my husband and I can’t possible love each other, because we have an open relationship. And this does seem to be a common view. But somehow, for us, it is the opposite. We love each other more, because other people love us too.

So I guess that I’m just asking once again for tolerance. Everyone is different, and each relationship is unique. Let’s remember that, and try to respect everyone’s unique view of life.

 

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The Best

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Recently, one of my Portland pets asked me how he rated compare to other guys I had slept with. He said: “Tell me I am in the top 5 at least.”

I do not know if other people rank the people they sleep with. But I do not. I find the entire concept ridiculous. After all, variety is the spice of life and everyone fills different needs for me. In general I have trouble switching with the same person. I’m not good at going from the role of domme to the role of sub with a single individual. So for me, if a person is a good submissive then I appreciate them for that. And on rare occasions I find someone who can be a Dom for me, and when I do I enjoy that. And then you meet those amazing people who are really good at going down on girls and who can make you cum over and over. And those are great too, (sometimes even good enough for me to write about).

And of course I love sex with women a little more than sex with men, as I have always leaned in the female direction when it comes to attraction, so there’s that whole thing to consider too.

Anyway, it’s just an unfair question to ask someone how you rank in their little black book. It’s one of the many unfair questions that women get asked, along with questions from guys about if their penises are big enough. (What the hell are we supposed to say to that?!)

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I really think it’s not fair to ask how you rate to another person when it comes to sex. And you shouldn’t have to anyway! If you have good chemistry and the sex is great, then you should both just know it without saying anything. If you have to ask, it probably didn’t shake the Earth for me.

So I tried to avoid the question about a million different ways before finally making some shit up. I don’t remember what I said, but it was some platitude about being in the top 20 or so. I think out of around 200 people, anyone should take that as a compliment, but of course he was hurt that he wasn’t THE BEST.

I couldn’t help but think that other people often try to get you to fix their insecurities for them. Little do they realize, no one can fix your insecurities but you.

So take some advice from a magically delicious super slut; never ask where you rank. Just don’t do it.

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Hitting on a Girl

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This is something I have discussed before. But since it keeps being a problem, I guess we’re going to keep discussing it.

So here we go again: Tips for talking to a girl for the first time.

More and more relationships are started online. And I personally use fetlife.com and okcupid.com to meet people.

But here’s the problem: A lot of people think a good pick-up line is “Do you want to swallow my cum?”

First: very few girls have that fetish. Most of them find it lumpy and gross. Sure, some girls find it a real turn-on. But it’s less than half so maybe play the odds on this one?

Second: talking to girls isn’t hard. You treat them like people and show them respect. It’s that simple. Sub, Domme, or even a vanilla girl. All women deserve respect. So speak to them like they are human beings.

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Let’s talk about pornography. If you sit at home all day and watch it, you might get the impression that all girls are just sitting around waiting to be gang-banged by complete strangers.

But let’s say you talk to a real girl. Not a paid actress. But a real live girl. You don’t want to talk to her like one of the porn stars you jack off to.

Here’s another real actual line I got from a guy: “I just want to show up at a girl’s house and have her be in panties and we just fuck.”

Okay. I have seen that porn.

However, responsible people get STD tests before engaging in sexual escapes with strangers. Why? Well, because condoms are not 100% effective against things like Herpes, and I don’t want to have Herpes.

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Now then, another point: Yes, I am a Magically Delicious Super Slut.

However, that does not mean I have sex with everyone I meet. It means I enjoy sex, and I have interesting sex. It’s kinky and it’s exciting and it’s inventive. But it doesn’t mean I just fuck random people who’ve said hi to me online. I do have standards, just like anyone else.

The more you have sex with someone, the  better it should get. You get to know one another and what each other likes and that helps. So I like to have relationships rather than one-night stands. That means I tend to choose people worth having a conversation with. If we’re going to lay in bed catching our breaths, it would be nice if we have something to say to one another.

So think it through. Don’t open with crass and obnoxious things like: “I want you to suck my balls.”

What that makes you look like is a woman-hating twerp with no respect for the person you are talking to, as well as someone who is sexually frustrated and poorly endowed. It makes it look like you’re taking your issues out on random people because you fail at relationships.

So what DO you say to a girl?

Well, here’s an obvious one. Read her profile and bring up something from it. For example, “I see you like Firefly. Long live the brown coats!”

If nothing on her profile makes any sense to you, then the chances are you won’t get along. Maybe don’t start a conversation with her, even if she is hot.

Also, it never hurts to start with: “Hi. You seem interesting. Would you like to talk, or maybe get coffee some time?”

I know it sounds crazy, but it works. It shows respect. It shows you recognize that the women you’re talking to is a person, and that you are not objectifying her. And when you treat people with respect and decency, you might actually get a positive response. Imagine that!

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Now, I would give tips for meeting people in person, but honestly, I hate doing that. When you bump into a random stranger as a poly Dominatrix, you’re not likely to have anything in common with them. And it can take a very long time to explain that being poly doesn’t mean I’m cheating on my husband, or that I am unhappy in my relationship. And explaining kink to a vanilla person does not always go well.

But if you do meet someone you think you might like in person, maybe keep the same things in mind? Respect. Kindness. Etc…

It’s just basic stuff really, but inevitably I run into people who don’t know it. So hopefully this helped some of those people who may wonder why I didn’t write them back.

In defence of monogamy

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I’d like to write a piece in defence of monogamy. Those of you who know me will know it’s hardly on my behalf that I write this. I’ve never really pulled off monogamy for very long, and I don’t like it much. However, I’d like to take a step back and talk about how important it is to some people.

In the community, I think sometimes we fall into a certain mindset: “If you don’t like what I like, you just haven’t done it properly.”

I have heard people say this about all manner of things, from breath play to anal sex. They fall in love with something, and then they just assume everyone who doesn’t also love it is doing it wrong.

In the case of poly relationships, I am guilty of this. I tend to think that if playing with one person is fun, then playing with two will obviously be twice as fun for anyone. And yes, I am also a fan of threesomes and orgies. (Only with good friends!) I tend to have trouble sometimes understanding why people insist on sexual fidelity.

When I step back though, I realize that I really need to be more accepting.

No matter how much I love something, that doesn’t mean anyone else has to even like it. I think sometimes we all get a little forgetful about that, and we probably shouldn’t.

The moral of the story is: Let’s all remember that the things we like are the things we like. Let’s remember to be accepting of the limits that others have, and try not to ever push someone outside of their comfort zone.

New Pet

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Since I don’t have one of my own… here’s the dildo that goes with my strap-on.

He walks in, and sees me dressed in my Domme gear. I’m very imposing in my thigh-high boots and my mini-dress with a high neck. My police-style hat is cocked to the side, and I’m holding my favorite flogger in my hand.

Enthralled, he falls to his knees. I am gratified to see it; but I don’t show it. I simply stand there, letting him take his time getting into his sub space.

When I speak, it is a command.

“Stand, and take your clothes off my pet,” I say in a quiet, serious voice.

Of course, he complies. He stands, and is out of his clothes as fast as one would expect from a 21-year-old Navy boy. I look, and I am amazed all over again that I get to play with such pretty toys! His muscles ripple when he moves. His huge cock hangs between his legs, swollen already because he is near me. I run my hand across his six-pack abs and allow myself the smallest hint of a smile.

“Inside, and back on your knees, my pet.”

He walks in and falls onto his knees on the yoga mat I’ve laid out. He’s only come to my dungeon twice before, but he knows where to kneel. I slip his collar around his neck and close the buckles. It’s a tight fit, and his breath comes quickly for a moment, as he panics a little inside about his first time wearing his own collar. The generic one he wore before was loose on him, but this one was made for his neck. I decided after we spent our second weekend together that I should get him one of his own. I decided I wanted him to be mine, and now he is.

“This is your collar, pet. I had it made just for you. You are mine now. Do you understand?” I ask.

“Yes, Mistress,” he says obediently. His eyes are cast down at the floor but I see him sneak a peak at me. I do not let him see me smile.

“Are you pleased to belong to me, my pet?” I ask.

“Yes, Mistress. I am eager to serve you in every way you see fit,” he says quickly.

I take a moment to appreciate how fast the military boys respond. They have to be so quick with their “Yes, Sir” and “No, Sir” bullshit at work. I guess it’s easy to switch from that to calling someone Mistress. I enjoy the way he is so willing to give himself over completely, and how seriously he takes it. He is a good pet.

I get the blindfold I bought just for him. It’s adorable! It’s a sleeping mask with panda eyes on it, and it’s so cute that I know he’ll find it emasculating. I could care less what he thinks of it though, because it makes me happy to see him wearing it. I put it on him after letting him see it, and then I quietly set to work tying his hands together and then tying them to his ankles. The music overtakes us then. I love the sound of some good Industrial music at night when I’m playing with a pet. It always makes me swell with power.

Once my pet is tied up, I get down next to his ear and I whisper very quietly:

“Do you wish to make your Mistress happy?”

He takes a halting breath, still not used to the snug fit of his collar.

“Yes, I want nothing in the world more than I want to please you,” he says.

“That’s good,” i say, “because you’re going to lick my pussy now.”

“Yes Mistress,” he says.

I stand, and lift my dress just enough to expose my pussy. I shove it roughly in his face, and he starts to suck and lick me. I let myself slip down a little, to put pressure on his face. I know it’ll make it harder for him to breath, so he can feel like he’s being smothered. I look down and I can tell he’s loving it because his cock is rock-hard. I can not help but wonder how his body has enough blood for the rest of him when his cock is hard. It’s really, very big. A girl pet of mine called it “an unnatural work of art” and I have to agree with her. It really is.

I want to feel it inside me, but I resist, because I’m not going to let him fuck me yet. Instead I let him keep licking me until I cum all over his face, and then I go get my strap on.

When I force him down onto all fours, I think he suspects what is coming. I would gag him in case he screams and wakes the neighbors, but we haven’t worked out a non-verbal safe word yet and I don’t want to break scene to negotiate one. We talked in pre-scene negotiations about how he’d like to get fucked. He’s watched a lot of pegging porn. However, I don’t think he’s done it before and it might freak him out. Reality can be so much different from fantasy.

I rub lube onto it. It’s smaller than his own cock by a lot, but I guess that doesn’t mean anything since he can’t very well fuck himself. I giggle quietly at my own musings and hope he didn’t hear.

I come up behind him and I start to caress him. I touch his back, and his hips. I go up next to his ear.

“I’m going to fuck you now, my pet. If you scream, I shall punish you,” I whisper.

His whole body is so tense! I brush my hands along his soft flesh and I appreciate every bit of it. What a pretty pet I have!

I rub lube between his butt cheeks and slip my finger inside him to test his reaction. His back muscles ripple as he gets even more tense. He looks like an animal- ready to bolt at any moment. I imagine he might if he wasn’t tied up. He seems terrified. I smile. Fear smells so good.

When I slide inside he lets out a moan.

“Bad pet!” I say. “We talked about how you mustn’t make a sound. That was very naughty of you, and I shall whip you for it later. Right now though, I just want to fuck you.”

It’s going to be a long night. I imagine I won’t get much sleep. That’s okay though- because it’s going to be fun!

Sex and movies

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The weekend is finally here!

First, I went to Mr. Nice Guy’s house (since I can’t bring anyone home just now with Mr. Knight living there). He’s such a dear! He bought my favorite whiskey to keep at his house, and downloaded my favorite movies. This should make me really happy. I mean, it does! People being nice to me is wonderful.

However, sometimes it’s obvious that someone is being nice because they are desperate for the approval of the people around them. That always makes me feel really icky, like there’s a scuff on my shoe that I’m not sure how to buff off.

Mr. Nice Guy and I talked about sex (finally!) He’s made it clear he’s looking for a Domme. I am mostly given to being a Domme, so it seems at first glace as though this is a brilliant match and we should both be happy. And yet, that’s not how this plays out.

I will try to explain, but I am aware that I might not be able to capture the essence of what I am saying.

So, my ideal submissive is proud. I like them young, smart, and willful. I want them to be cocky and full of themselves and sure that I’m lucky to have them as a pet. This is necessary for me, because then it feels justified when I beat them and abuse them both verbally and physically. I need to feel like there is a dynamic in which my submissive needs the pride beaten out of them, and I am doing the world a favor.

For me, there is nothing worse than a submissive who has no self esteem. It’s awful to beat someone and abuse someone who already hangs their head all the time and feels beaten by the world. It’s like kicking a sick puppy or something.

So of course, Mr. Nice Guy wants to be submissive. He is also someone who is still hung up on his ex-wife, gets walked on like a carpet because he is too nice, and has very little self-esteem. This is all the qualities I can not handle in a submissive. I didn’t have the heart to explain it that way though- because there’s no need to hurt someone who’s already broken. How could I tell him he evoked too much pity in me for me to beat him? That would only make the problem worse!

My solution was to say that I was actually also a submissive looking for a Dom. I looked as cute as I could and asked him if he would try to top me. I’m younger than him by half a decade and cute as hell- if I do say so myself. Maybe abusing me could give him some self-esteem? I didn’t know what else to do.

He wasn’t into it, and the subject was dropped. We watched Finding Nemo (one of my very favorite movies) and drank heavily. Later, he tried to push me up against a wall roughly, but it was so forced that I couldn’t get serious about kissing him back. It felt passionless and fake. We went to bed instead, and I actually slept pretty well on his too-soft bed.

In the morning, I went to go see Mr. Uptight on base. He’s not allowed to have people stay the night, but he can have guests during the day. I am SO very okay with having sex during the day right now, because there hasn’t been enough sex in my life lately. So he met me in front of the base and signed me on. We went back to his barracks while he babbled somewhat awkwardly (as he always does) and I told a few stories here and there.

As soon as we got inside I jumped him. I was all teeth and claws. It had been a little too long since I’d had sex and I’ve been wanting to rape Mr. Knight all week. I needed an outlet. Mr. Uptight squirmed a little and said ouch a bit. He doesn’t really like it rough. I was beyond caring though, because I was in a passionate and primal mood.

He still lays there like a High School girl when we fuck. I will make the excuse for him that he was in a motorcycle accident and he’s needed some surgery here and there on his leg. I know he’s in a lot of pain sometimes and maybe it’s hard for him to be on top. So, I never ask or force the issue. You’d think he could at least moan or something, though. But hey, whatever! I can always use the exercise, I suppose.

Unfortunately, I’m not one of those lucky girls who has a clit close to her vagina, so I can’t cum from having sex. That does make Mr. Uptight’s laziness frustrating because if he never goes down on me, I’m never going to get off when we have sex. It’s still enjoyable though- just to have sex. Penetration may not be my thing, but it still feels good.

I guess you could say that while chocolate ice cream is not my favorite, not everywhere has mango. And since I like chocolate, it’s not terrible to eat it. I’d just prefer mango. You know, if it was around.

I went home while the night was still young, though Mr. Uptight and I had sex several times during the day.

On the couch, waiting for me, was Mr. Knight. We poured drinks and watched the new Sherlock Holmes in an amiable silence, as we have been doing of late. His attempts at painting over the weekend littered the house, and before bed I said I liked them, in an attempt to bolster his self-esteem. I guess I really do hate people who don’t think highly of themselves after all. It must be some kind of hang-up of mine.

When I went upstairs, I made myself a profile on a dating site and sent some messages on a BDSM site. I am bored to tears with my sex life right now. I need a good, strong pet to beat the shit out of. Or at least, I need a fellow switch I can play some good scenes with. I hate when there’s not enough BDSM sex in my life. I feel so deprived and unfulfilled. Times like this really make me miss the dungeon back home. But, I said I was going to make this work, and so I shall. Looks like I’m resorting to online dating. And another weekend comes to a close for the Magically Delicious Super Slut.

Sex all over my house!

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I don’t even have non-sexy playing cards…

So this is the deck of cards I keep at home in case I want to play a game. I never thought about them as anything but cards until I had a prude vanilla kid living with me. Now I feel like everything in my entire apartment screams “SEX!!!” and Mr. Knight is cringing at every Playboy on the bookshelf and every picture on the walls. Today he wanted to play cards… and then he didn’t. I honestly never realized I was this bad.

Complication Arises

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So a friend is moving in. He split up with his girlfriend and he needs a place to crash. We’re geek pals who share reddit jokes and play D&D together, so I can’t say no. It is going to be awkward though, since my place is a split-level one-bedroom and sound carries all too well.

We shall call this friend Mr. Knight, because he truly wishes he were a knight in shining armor. He wants to be valiant and brave. Oh course the reality is that he’s shy and unlikely to rush to the defense of any fair maidens, but he is a knight in his mind.

This is a good time to explain my policy on sex.

See, I have boundary issues. I’m never really sure where the line between friend and lover is, or why there should be a line. In most cases, I’ll sleep with someone just to see what they are like in bed. It helps me get to know them, and feel closer to them. If there is chemistry; great! If there’s not, then at least I learned something. Unlike most people, I do not find it awkward to be around someone I have slept with, and no one is capable of feeling awkward around me because I am too damn comfortable with myself to let anyone be uncomfortable in my presence.

There are good reasons not to sleep with people though, even for a magically delicious super slut.

The first should be because they are married, right? I’ve been attacked by enough crazy women to know that I should always be careful of the married ones. And yet… if they don’t respect their wedding vows it’s hard for me to do so. I don’t know their wives and for all I know they’re making them up to seem unavailable. As such, the married guy thing is a grey area. It depends on the guy, I guess. Plus, some of them are married but in open relationships, so you can never be too sure what’s what there.

I guess the verdict on married guys is maybe.

Second is more important. This is a hard no. I will never sleep with anyone who is in love with someone else. They can have a crush. They can have a past. They can have a lot of things that don’t make me shy away. Yet, if they are truly in love with someone else, I will never ever sleep with them. This is because I need to feel like the most important person in someone’s life. I do sleep around openly and allow all my partners to do the same, but they always like me best. I am confident that if a man is seeing two women and one of them is me, he likes me better every time. I’m that good. On the other hand, if they’re in love then that’s a whole other thing that I won’t even mess with. One does not compete with hormones and chemicals that have evolved over thousands of years.

So a hard no to being in love with someone else.

Last is the business relationship. Let’s say I meet you and I know we can set shit off together. I know you have social value. Well- then we’re not going to have sex. I won’t risk mixing sex with business because sometimes people can get weird about both, and I like for things in my life to be as simple as possible. It seems that when you add one complicated thing to one other complicated thing, the level of complicated escalates several more orders of magnitude than it logically should- so no business and sex.

Of those reasons why I will never sleep with someone, Mr. Knight falls under the category of “in love with someone else.” He may be on the outs with his girl right now, but there is no question at all about who his heart belongs to. He is hers, and since they are both mostly sweet and innocent and not into MDSM, it’s best to leave them to each other (even if they are unhappy.)

I know I will catch a ration of shit for Mr. Knight living here. I know everyone will assume we are having sex because they know I have boundary issues. I am aware of how much this is going to suck for me, and yet, one does not turn down a fellow geek in need. So now to figure out how to keep all my sexy time confined to everyone else’s house.

Can’t wait to tell the boys about the new edition to my living room…

Meet the boys

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I feel in a bit of a funk as of late…

My religious pet whom I shall call Mr. Perfect was never going to be anything but a sexless coffee shop buddy. Oh sure- he’s tall, dark and handsome. He’s also desperately horny and barely hides it under all that awkward and overly-polite behavior. Yet, months of trying to talk some sense into him have failed utterly. It’s not just that he steadfastly believes in his god- it’s that he’s sure his god thinks sex is a terrible sin and he mustn’t do it unless he’s married. That’s problem for me, so we are at an impasse.

The thing about Mr. Pefect is; I really do enjoy his company. I adore fighting with him about his beliefs, and I would certainly do so much longer if he wasn’t moving back to California. It’s been a great year at coffee shops and language lessons. I even went with him to his church. Why not? It’s not as though I will burst into flames if I walk into one, (though I know some people who speculated that I would.)

Alas, there will never be any sex with Mr. Perfect. And now I have to say goodbye to him and it’s tearing me apart.

I did get him a parting gift though. It’s a book about a devil and an angel who become friends called “Good Omens.” I wrote on the inside cover that I adore him and always wanted him, but I doubt he’ll ever open the book. He’s the sort who borrows a book and then never gets around to reading it. Still, if he does, he’ll know that a wicked, wicked girl loved him. He was always terrified of me because of the fetish proms and stuff, and I knew deep down that I’d be unhappy if we ever got together because vanilla sex would bore me… but fantasies don’t make sense and I’ll miss dreaming of Mr. Perfect taking me in his arms and kissing me with those big, perfect lips.

He’s not the only one I want but can’t have either. I’m chasing a 20-year-old too, which should probably be against the law. The poor thing is far too young to realize what he’s being pursued by. I just can’t help myself though because he’s damaged as hell. He was molested by the babysitter and unloved by all his many step-parents and care-takers. He’s broken and it’s so attractive to someone like me who is also broken inside.

I’ll keep chasing Mr. Broken forever, but I’m starting to realize it’s not likely I’ll catch him. I think I’m older than the babysitter who molested him and, in any case, I can’t try too hard with someone who’s been raped. I know what that is like. So I keep him off to the sidelines and think of him as a random encounter (to use D&D terminology.) I do see his big, ice-blue eyes when I fall asleep sometimes though.

That only leaves me two others.

First there is Mr. Uptight. It’s not hard to convince him to have sex; it’s just not any fun. He’s impossibly frigid in bed- like a high school girl who just lays there and is afraid to even moan. I’m not really sure why, but my guess is that he’s got some serious thrill issues from watching dirty, dirty internet porn and he’s an engineer so naturally, he’s incapable of communicating. He could be having that crazy sex he wants. I’m about as twisted as they come. But I’m not a mind-reader and I’ll only put so much effort into trying to hear the words in someone’s head before I say “fuck it.” At least he has a 10-inch cock. That’s too big- if you ask me. However, since it seems the pain of thinking my vagina is going to be torn in half is all I am getting out of this, I may as well enjoy the novelty of it. One does not often get to fuck someone with a cock like a porn star.

I think the best part about fucking Mr. Uptight is seeing the Magnum wrappers all over the floor in the morning. I like when we have sex on the table, and then the chair or couch, and then in the morning there are little gold condom wrappers everywhere. That never fails to make me smile.

Then there is Mr. Nice Guy. As always when you have a bunch of boys around, I can see traits in him that would mesh well with traits in the others, if I was trying to make the perfect guy. Like, if I could slice them all apart and just take what I want, Mr. Nice Guy has some good qualities. He’s thoughtful, likes to give foot rubs and back massages, listens carefully and attentively to everything I say, and cares deeply. Also, he’s desperate for a mate (not just a lover) and the desperate wafts off him in a way that I find both appalling and cute.

Also, he’s very, very submissive and that always wigs me just a bit in guys. I love switches and I can handle submissive guys if they have pride. Mr. Nice Guy though… he mixes being a submissive with lacking self-confidence and it’s just too many types of desperate to handle at once. I’d be fine tying him up and beating him if I didn’t know he was unhappy- is all I mean.

Anyway the things about people is, the good is always offset by bad. There are no perfect people. So while they all have good qualities, they all have bad qualities too. I can’t just chop them up and take the bits I want, welding them together to make the perfect man. I am stuck using each of them for a small bit of what I want, and only being happy overall. This is why monogamy is bullshit. I hate the idea that I am supposed to get ALL THE THINGS from one person.

Anyway it feels like a bit of a funk lately, but I’m sure things will pick up again soon. They always do in my life.