This question has come up recently and I want to talk about it. It seems like some of you didn’t learn from the “me too” movement and that’s a shame. But, this is a serious subject and while I’m loath to serious, here we go:
If a person didn’t consent to what you did to them, then it is rape. If a person is too drunk or stoned to consent, then it is rape.
We need ongoing and enthusiastic consent when we have sex. We need to negotiate beforehand, check in throughout, and do aftercare when it’s over. That’s how we have sex in the kink community, okay?
So let’s take a scenario:
A couple is polyamorous but has rules:
• No sex outside the marriage without using protection.
• Any sex where a condom could have broken or one of them could have been compromised, and they wait two weeks and get tested before having sex with each other.
• They agree to be honest about what they do with their sexual partners.
Now the husband goes and has sex with his friend, and he does not use a condom. He comes home to his wife, and asks to have sex with her. He assures her that he was safe when he had sex with his friend, and that there is no chance that he could have caught something. Under this understanding, his wife consents to sex.
About a week later the wife has an itching down there. She trusts her husband and assumes it’s just a yeast infection, but the itching persists and she begins to have delicate flesh in her genital area that tears and bleeds.
She goes to her gynecologist and gets tested, and she tests positive for Chlamydia and HPV-8. The gynecologist is unsure if her flesh tearing is due to her autoimmune diseases being aggravated by the Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs), or if she also has HSV-2.
The wife has not had sex with anyone else in years. She has been tested several times during those years when she was only having sex with her husband, and has never tested positive for an STI before.
Later, the friend whom the husband had sex with confesses that she and the husband never used condoms when they had sex.
Now, you tell me: Is this rape?
The wife said yes to sex, didn’t she? She didn’t object during the sex. So how can it be rape?
Well, again:
You have to have informed consent. If you have rules and you break them, then it’s rape. If you say you used a condom and you didn’t, it’s rape. Any time a woman did not consent, or was coerced into consent with lies, it’s rape.
I know this bothers many people.
When I was growing up, men got me drunk and pushed themselves on me. I froze, because I’m Autistic and I didn’t know how to object. Back then, we didn’t call that rape. Men just thought that if you said yes to a drink, then that meant they could have sex with you while you were lying in a pool of vomit rigid and clearly not having fun.
However, we know better now.
We’ve grown as a society. We discussed it. We thought it over, and it turns out that any kind of sex without consent is rape.
A popular show named “Bridgerton” by the delightful Shonda Rhimes features a woman raping a man in the first season. He is trying not to have a child with his wife by using the pullout method. This method is not very effective, but it was the conditions under which he consented to sex. He did not consent to cum inside his wife.
His wife -who wants a child- holds him tightly when he cums so that he cannot pull out.
This is also rape.
They had terms under which they had sex, and she broke them. And folks, that’s also rape. I know back in the 70’s and 80’s men said stuff like: “Men can’t be raped. Sex is like pizza. Even when it’s bad it’s still good.”
That’s the patriarchy speaking, and we don’t listen to that bullshit around here.
If your partner or partners did not consent to sex, it’s rape. If their consent was not enthusiastic and ongoing, then it’s rape. If they were too drunk or stones to consent, then it’s rape.
The End.
magicallydelicioussuperslut 