Human desire is astonishingly diverse. What excites one person may do absolutely nothing for another, and that difference is not a flaw—it’s simply part of being human. We rarely agree on what is “sexy,” and that disagreement is not only inevitable, but healthy.
There are entire worlds of attraction that I personally don’t understand. Some people find excitement through words on a screen, through imagination alone, crafting entire experiences out of text and suggestion. While it doesn’t resonate with me, it clearly resonates deeply with others.
There are also interests that make me uncomfortable, not because they are unfamiliar, but because they collide with my personal boundaries or values. It’s important to say this plainly: desire is only acceptable when it is consensual, ethical, and confined to adults. Outside of that, it stops being a preference and becomes harm. However –between two adults– many people engage in adult baby play, daddy/daughter play, or Little play. While these aren’t things I’m personally comfortable with, I don’t judge what they enjoy.
And, I recognize that I enjoy things others have no interest in whatsoever. I’m drawn to intensity, to structured fantasies, to the idea of imagination becoming real through shared trust and play. I love the creativity of roleplay—the way it allows people to step outside themselves and explore safely.
The truth is simple: you don’t have to like what I like, and I don’t have to like what you like.
Of course, our reactions aren’t always fixed. Sometimes something that initially feels strange—or even off-putting—changes once it’s understood or experienced in a safe, respectful way. I’ve seen how trying something new can surprise a person, especially when it offers relief from anxiety or allows them to inhabit a role that feels easier than simply being themselves.
There are limits. Some ideas simply never become comfortable, no matter how much time passes. Recognizing that boundary is just as important as exploring new ones. When that happens, it may mean accepting that no single relationship can fulfill every desire—and that’s not a failure.
For me, this realization made room for a broader understanding of relationships. Different people can meet different needs, whether emotional, intellectual, or physical, as long as honesty and consent guide those connections. Not everyone is equipped for that kind of emotional openness, and that’s okay too. For those who can handle it, I think polyamory is a good way to deal with people you love not necessarily sharing all of your kinks.
I always tell people to take some time with each idea. Never refuse anything outright. Let it marinade in your imagination for a while, and then tell your partner what you think. Sometimes you cozy up to an idea when you let it hang out in your head. Other times, you don’t. But you should never say no before giving the idea time to percolate. When people do this, it reminds me of a child being offered a new food and saying: “No, I hate it!” (Before even trying it.) Don’t be a child saying no to watermelon.
Most of the time, it won’t hurt you to try something new.
Trying something doesn’t mean it will define you forever. Sometimes a desire dissolves once it’s explored. Other times, it deepens. There’s no way to know which until experience replaces imagination. Wanting something intensely doesn’t guarantee it will last, and discovering you don’t enjoy something can be just as valuable as discovering that you do.
What matters most is refusing resentment—toward yourself or others. People are allowed to like what they like, and they’re allowed not to like what they don’t. Difference doesn’t make us incompatible by default; it makes the world more interesting.
If we were all the same, desire would be dull, relationships would be simple in the worst way, and curiosity would disappear. Variety is not the problem. The lack of understanding is.
My ex-husband was a very kind man when I met him. Sometimes I think it was an act to trap me in marriage. Sometimes I think he changed over time. I’ll never know for-sure because he lies better than anyone I have ever met.
When we were dating, he flirted with me at parties.
This is important because when a man is clearly into a woman, other women notice. My ex-husband and I attracted many people who wanted to be part of our relationship; even if only for a moment. This was possible because he treated me with kindness and respect, and he worked hard to be charming. We had threesomes, got invited to play parties, and generally had a really good time.
When we got married, he began to disrespect me.
It started with ignoring me in favor of flirting with other women online. Then, I threw a kinky mixer at our house in hopes of getting him to behave like he did when we were dating. Instead of flirting with me, he spent the entire night flirting with some girl he just met.
Obviously, the result was that no one had any sex that night.
The girl didn’t mind being flirted with, but she had no interest in a man who would disrespect his wife. The way to turn a woman all the way off is to disrespect other women in front of her. You’re basically saying: “I’m only flirting because you’re new. If you were mine, I’d treat you like I’m treating my wife right now.”
Then he had the nerve to complain that:
• I no longer felt like topping him (because he was disrespectful to me). • No women wanted to play with us (because he was disrespectful to me). • We didn’t get invited to parties (because he was disrespectful to me).
I gently tried to explain the situation. I tried talking to him first, but he acted very haughty and refused to admit to having done anything wrong. I tried writing him a letter, but he refused to discuss it. I tried writing a blog post about it, but he wouldn’t read my blog.
I continued to try to communicate, explaining that when he ignored me to flirt with other women online or when he wouldn’t even acknowledge me at a party, it made me feel bad. As a Domme, I do all the work. I set up the scenes, I create the headspace, and I make the magic happen while he sits there tied up or in a submissive position. I explained that I simply could not get into the headspace to do that much work when he refused to treat me with respect.
For a while, I thought it had to do with the Madonna-Whore Complex. Psychologists often say that men cheat because they don’t want to do “dirty” things with their wives (who they wish to see as pure). The theory is that there are some things a man will only do with a stranger.
When I thought that was the case, I tried to get him into role play. I thought that if we were different people, then we could overcome the problem. I suggested we “meet” at a bar, and that he “sneak me into his house” while “his wife was asleep.”
He refused to discuss it, saying that he would never consider doing any kind of role play. He also said we could not talk about it.
I tried writing love letters with lots of sex in them. I tired sending him porn. I tired all kinds of things to communicate. And let it be said that he did “act nice” sometimes. Though -to be honest- the strain in his voice and movements was so obvious that I couldn’t reconcile it with him saying things like “you look nice.” It was clear he was only doing it because I told him to be kind, not because of any genuine feeling.
In spite of this, I convinced people to spent time with him. I outright asked friends to sleep with him. I got him play dates. I continued to try to act the way I did when we were dating, while he continued to find new ways to be horrible.
For a while he would point out other women to say they were attractive, but never anyone that looked like me. Only Asian women. I am mostly Polynesian and Swedish. I can’t change my genes. It’s not as though I could have tried to look more like the women he pointed out. I’ll never be Asian. So, what it amounted to was really just him finding another way to put me down and make me feel bad, and then still expect me to want to top him in bed.
So, what do you do when a partner changes? When they will no longer do the things they did before?
Well, we were polyamorous, so I tried to just date other people and be his friend. I have some long-standing relationships that I enjoy with people around the world, so I put energy into them. I flew to Las Vegas to give a talk on kink and sell my romance novels. I worked on my blog and things that were important to me.
Yet, I never gave up on him. I kept thinking that he was just going through some things and that we’d be able to sort it out when he had a little more emotional maturity. I waited, and we had kinky sex that wasn’t a power exchange. Just little things. I’d choke him. He’d fist me. Whatever. It wasn’t bad sex, and I liked him as a friend and companion. I thought that was enough, I guess. But all along, I missed when he flirted with me and treated me with such care and attention that unicorns flocked to us and we got invited to every party. We had that energy that everyone wants, and I thought we’d get it back if I kept trying.
There were moments when we did. He bought MDMA from someone on his ship, and took it. I don’t do that shit, but I was happy to have him being flirty and sexy again for once, so we played out a fun scene with me as the Domme. It was a great night.
Once a sex friend came to visit and he flirted with me because she was there, and that made me feel sexy enough that I did a scene with both of them. It was her first time trying out the Domme role because we duel-topped him, and she had a blast. I did, too.
Any time he flirted with me and treated me like he had when we were dating, I was able to get into the headspace to be a Domme. But it wasn’t often enough to make me happy, and I tired to communicate this in every way I could think of. I started out kind and patient, but after ten years I started to get snippy and even angry. I couldn’t understand how he still hadn’t grown up yet, and why he was still behaving like a spoiled child who thought he could treat me like dirt and then expect to be spoiled like a good sub.
Some of my friends think his actual personality changed from a series of brain injuries that he had in 2016, 2017, and 2023. Some of my friends think it’s because he was raised by alcoholic failures who were abusive to each other but stayed married, so he simply had a mindset that wives are supposed to be treated like shit (because it’s what his father did to his mother). Some of my friends think straight men simply can’t handle serious relationships or talking about their feelings.
I don’t really know what is true; only how much it hurt.
I do know that if you find yourself in a situation where your partner changes and stops wanting to do the things you need, leave sooner rather than later. I shouldn’t have wasted all those years on him. He was never worth the effort. I spent a fortune on gifts for him. I spent so much time trying to help him to be better as a human, and to teach him kindness and love. I wasted years of my life on a man who -I can see now- never had any value at all. I truly think he only pretended to care about me when we were dating.
For those who feel unsure in their relationships, there were things that I now understand were warning signs:
• I said it made me feel bad when he flirted with other women while I was there, and he kept doing it after I said it hurt me.
• I explained to him that his poor treatment of me was the reason that unicorns no longer wanted to sleep with us, and that it was the reason I no longer felt into being his Domme. He didn’t make any genuine effort to treat me more respectfully in front of people or in private.
• I would tell him exactly what I wanted and even explain why, and he seemed to always do the exact opposite (it felt like out of spite, though at first I made excuses for him in my head, and then later I thought maybe he was just dumb).
• I always dressed up and wore kimono and makeup around the house because those things give me confidence. He whined that it made him uncomfortable and kept asking me to just buy some pajamas like a normal person and stop “trying so hard.” Then when I did as he asked (after two years of protesting it) he told his friends that I laid around in pajamas and stopped even trying to be attractive.
• He did little things to undermine my confidence and make me feel bad, like only saying women of different races were attractive, but never a woman that looked like me.
• When I tried to talk to him about anything at all, he responded with anger.
People can see this list and say: “Well clearly he’s a loser! Why did you stay? That’s on you!” But the truth is, I just kept thinking he would grow into himself and see that I wasn’t his enemy eventually. Like, we started out as a team, you know? And then after he trapped me in marriage, he began to treat me as the enemy.
I thought: At some point he is going to wake up and see that I am on his side. He’ll want to be a team again.
I had hope. That’s really my main problem. Some people suffer from depression, but I have the opposite problem. I have an excessive amount of Serotonin and Dopamine. I am a cheerful person. In fact, my favorite thing to do in public is try to find one thing to compliment about each person I pass. I’m so happy that it often annoys the crap out of people, and I can’t really tone it down.
People think it must be awesome to be naturally cheerful but it’s not. Always seeing the best in people means being screwed over and disappointed a lot. Having high expectations for the world means being let down. Thinking you can love people hard enough that they will eventually be better never actually works (in spite of what my brain tells me). You can’t make people better by seeing the best in them and trying to build them up. My ex-husband never got any better as a person. In fact, the more I asked him to be better, the worse he treated me. (You might say, the more he failed, the more he failed.)
I’m not saying you should give up right away if someone used to do things you loved and now, they won’t.
Try sending each other porn, writing love letters, talking it out, and other communication first.
Many times, communication can fix things.
However, I’ve learned now that the main sign that you need to walk away is actually very simple: If you try to communicate with them and they respond with anger, you need to leave.
Every time I tried to talk to him to solve any issues, he would gaslight me by saying he was not doing the things that he was doing. Then, he would admit that fine, he was doing those things, but it was actually fine and my feelings weren’t valid. Then he would say fine, maybe I had a right to be mad, but my bringing it up hurt him so we were even. (Men being hurt by you saying they hurt you.) And so on.
It was textbook abuse, but I am hopeful and loving and it makes me a fool. Don’t be like me. Get out the first time they get angry at you for raising an issue and asking to discuss it.
When I plan a scene with a person or people whom I do not know well, I use kink negotiation forms. They have boxes to check for things you agree to and do not agree to, blanks to write in ideas, and more. Find an example here. This is good because miscommunication often leads to bad sex, and no one wants to have bad sex.
However, once you get into a long-term relationship, you will probably move away from forms and try to talk to each other about sex without ink and paper being involved.
First, let me start with what my ex-husband did because it’s good to start with what NOT to do.
I would try to bring up a new thing I wanted to try.
Me: “I was thinking that I’d really like to do a role-play scene for my birthday this year.”
Him: “No. I don’t do role play.”
Me: “Well, we can talk about who the characters would be. I’m not saying it has to be anything specific. I just thought we could try being different people.”
Him: “I’m not talking about this. I said no. Respect my boundary.”
End of conversation.
Many of you will point out how he is misusing the language of consent by setting a boundary that subjects cannot be discussed, rather than setting a healthy boundary on something after discussing it. That’s true. But, we won’t spend too much time going into all the issues with his side of the dialog. That’s not the point.
The point is: How could this have gone better?
As I tried to explain to him, it’s not okay to dismiss something out-of-hand before letting your partner explain themselves. There are a lot of reasons for this:
• If you do not let your partner explain what they are asking for in detail first, then they will walk away feeling unheard and disrespected.
• If you create resentment in your partner due to refusing them without hearing them out, they may express that resentment by saying “no” to you in the future, so keep in mind that relationships are about TWO people, not just one.
• If you let your partner explain why they want something, you might find that you are into it after all.
To go back to the ex-husband example:
Once I asked him if we could try upside-down throat fucking. He immediately said no and refused to discuss it further. I went on a rant about feeling disrespected and unheard, and about how hurtful it was to always be refused when I asked for things. This made him silent, because when he was mad, he would refuse to talk at all and instead would just glare at me. Usually I gave up, but this time I kept talking. I said:
“Look, you probably said no before even thinking it through because from your point of view it seems like something to degrading to do to your wife. All I’m asking is that you consider it from my point of view. I don’t hang out in my own head when I’m having sex because I’m a non-op transsexual. I jump into your head. I have my eyes closed, and I am seeing the scene from your point of view. So, I’m asking you to do something that I want to do to a woman with the dick that I was supposed to have. I think it’s hot because it’s something a woman can’t possibly enjoy. There are no nerves there to give pleasure. There isn’t any clit to stimulate. It’s hot because it’s only for your pleasure and the woman is just being used like an object; a human fleshlight. All I’m saying is, I was born in a female body, but unfortunately, I was also born with the mind of a pretty gross guy. I’m not proud of it, but it’s something that I want. And I just thought you might be able to enjoy the fantasy with me.”
At the time, he sat there in stony silence, quietly hating me for pushing him to discuss things and care what I wanted. However, later I found that he’d been watching a bunch of porn about upside-down throat fucking. It became a fetish of his because I described it in a way that made it sound hot. Now, he continued to pretend that it was gross and refuse to do it with me, but that’s just because my ex-husband is basically the biggest douchebag on Earth.
Why am I telling you this?
Because it’s an example of bullet point three: If you let your partner explain why they want something, you might end up finding it hot after all.
I married my ex because he never said “no” to anything, and he was always up for new adventures. Once he had me trapped in marriage, he began to refuse any new things or anything fun. I have no idea why. I hope he works through that with his therapist or something. But, little-by-little, he became a completely different person after the wedding, and it was not the person I married.
Saying ‘no’ is pretty cruel when someone works up the nerve to ask for a secret sexy desire. And -while I apologize for lacing this post with my own post-marriage trauma- it’s relevant because what he did really hurt me. Yes, I am a Magically Delicious Super Slut. I have made a living for much of my life from writing kink erotica, hitting people for money, and throwing fetish proms. Sex is a huge part of who I am. And yet, even I feel shy when asking a new person for a new thing. It’s putting yourself out there and taking a risk, and being slapped down hurts all the way to the depths of your soul.
So don’t say ‘no.’ Say things like this instead: • I’m curious to know what about that appeals to you. Would you be willing to tell me about it?
• I’d like to know more about how you visualize that working with us. Can you describe your vision?
• Can you tell me why I might enjoy this fetish?
Even if you end up not being into the idea, you don’t have to say ‘no.’ My husband liked to say things like: ‘Absolutely not,’ or ‘There is no universe where I would be okay with that.’ Outright refusal is for assholes. Instead, try things like:
• I appreciate you sharing this with me. I’m not feeling it tonight, but let me think about it and do more research.
• I can see that this is important to you. Can you send me some links to some videos of it so I can try to get interested, too?
• I’m not sure if that would be safe for me. I would like to talk with my doctor about it and see what she says, and then I’ll get back to you.
• I won’t say ‘no’ because I know it took courage to ask; but is it okay if I say ‘not right now’ and give it some more thought on my own?
I once saw a meme where a guy is sitting at a computer and he clicks on a link to a porn video. He says: “That is sick! Who the fuck would be into that?” Then it has two frames of him just starring at the screen. In the final panel he says” “Oh shit, I guess I’m into that.” All I’m saying is, you might look into it and realize you are willing to give it a try.
I remember when I first thought about fisting. I have tokophobia (probably wrapped up in being trans,) and so I was instantly turned off by the idea because it was too close to the idea of giving birth.
However, I dated a guy who was amazing with his tongue and used to see how many times he could get me to orgasm in a night. It was like a fetish of his or something. He enjoyed getting me off, and he was good at it. Around the third or forth orgasm he would start putting fingers inside. One, then two, then three… until eventually his whole hand was inside me. He never exactly asked if he could, but then again, I was in too much ecstasy to protest. It reminds me of that old joke:
Her: “I’m not interested. I’m completely straight. I like men.”
Me: “Honey, you are spaghetti. You’re straight until you get hot and wet.”
I realize that sounds a little rapey -and I assure you I only ever said it to tease my good friends- but there is truth to it. Lots of things seem gross when you’re not turned on, but seem less gross after a few orgasms. And, if you have someone who is gifted with their tongue, that can make a lot of things seem less disgusting than you originally thought.
My ex husband said ‘no’ to a lot of things in more than a decade of marriage, and I don’t believe that any of them were fair. Most of them cost me a lot to ask for. After all, I have more than the average amount of shame wrapped up in sex and genitals since I have the wrong ones. (I always tell men: If you’re attracted to me then you’re at least little bit gay because I’m a guy.)
He said ‘no’ to trying romantic sex where we looked into each other’s eyes. He said ‘no’ to anal sex. He said ‘no’ to role-playing. He said ‘no’ to switching roles and topping me once in a while. He said ‘no’ to a MMF threesome. Etc… etc… etc…
I carry a lot of pain from how shitty he was. Some of it is wrapped up in refusing to have conversations about things or seek solutions to problems. Some of it is in how controlling he was. Some of it is in how lazy and mean he was. But the two biggest things that hurt me was:
• Saying ‘no’ to everything I wanted to try in bed.
• Harassing me for dressing up at home and bullying me into buying pajamas; which is not a thing I ever owned before I met him.
Some would say that the wrecking my cars drunk and having secret debt was worse. To each their own, I guess. But I know what hurt me the most, and I’m telling you from experience: Don’t just refuse to talk about things your partner wants to do in bed. It’s cruel.
This post is going to start with a tale of two rape fantasies (called “Consent Non-Consent” or “CNC” scenes). Trigger warning for anyone who might not want to proceed, because this content will get a little upsetting.
Snake Boy:
I dated a guy whose name I won’t use, but we’ll call him “Snake Boy” because he had a ball python (a normal pet in some places, but an odd choice where we were in South Korea).
Snake Boy asked me if we could do a rape scene. No one had ever asked me before, but I don’t shy away from trying new things so I said that I’d be happy to try if it. He didn’t give me any porn to watch to explain what he wanted, nor did he give me examples of the things he thought this would entail. He asked for a rape scene, and I agreed.
I asked Snake Boy to go outside and come back in sneakily, and I would pretend to be asleep. This way I could secretly enjoy one of my kinks (being fucked awake) while he enjoyed one of his.
When he snuck up to my bedroom, grabbed me, and penetrated me, I did exactly what some women reading this will recognize and understand: I held very still and cried quietly.
Some of the men reading this need more explanation, I know.
Basically, it goes like this: One in four women admit to being raped. The other three are probably just too ashamed to admit it. There are a lot of men out there who rape women. Don’t get upset. It’s just a fact. It’s not one guy doing it all. It’s a lot of them. And -while I’m not saying you are one of these men- if your ‘go to’ move is to get offended, then maybe you should look at that.
Women have learned through hard life experience that if you are raped, the best thing to do is to stay quiet and not fight. Women who fight get beaten and killed. I was actually beaten nearly to death and dumped in a dry riverbed to die when I was sixteen years old, and it was because I fought back.
Therefore, if you want to live, you stay very quiet and try not to move until it’s over. Maybe you even say something about how you enjoyed it so that you have a better chance of getting away. Men are much more likely to kill you if they think you will press charges. But if you say: “I’ve always wanted to do this” or something else that makes them feel safe, you’ll get away.
This is complicated by the fact that most men who rape you are ‘nice guys’ who you know, and that means you’ll see them again. The worst is when they assume that because they raped you, that means you are now their girlfriend. If you’re Autistic like me, this may lead to some very complicated situations in which you try to get the guy to go away because you know they are a dangerous rapist, but they keep following you around calling you their girlfriend.
One guy -we’ll call him ‘Roach’ because he reminded me of a cockroach- dragged me from the bathroom where I had been throwing up to his bedroom and raped me even though I said ‘no’ and tried to push him away while nearly passed out on the floor with puke on my clothes and face. The next day he started calling me his girlfriend and bought me a card where he hand-wrote a note about how special I was. And they say women play mind games.
Anyway, Snake Boy was very upset after the scene and told me: “That wasn’t a rape scene. You didn’t even struggle. Why would you think that is what I meant by rape?”
The audacity of these motherfuckers, you know? What a jerk.
But let’s move on to the second rape scene with The Vampire. No, he wasn’t Goth. It’s just that Twilight came out the same year I met him and his name was Edward, so I teased him mercilessly about his name and asked him why he didn’t sparkle in the sunlight. He’s dead now so I could use his real name, but I’m going to stick with The Vampire because it makes me laugh.
The Vampire asked for a rape scene, and then gave me a jump drive with a bunch of porn on it. He also rented a hotel room for the scene, and dressed up in black clothes and a black ski mask. See, he told me exactly what he wanted, gave a convincing back story about being a hotel employee who saw me check in and wanted me, and dressed the part. It was very sexy.
This time, I threw myself into the role as it was explained to me. I acted just like the girls in the movies he’d given me, with a lot of theatrical struggling and yelling.
It was exactly what The Vampire wanted, but he should have given the hotel staff a heads up or rented a bigger suite, I guess. That scene was interrupted by the cops. Huge props to someone for thinking a woman was being attacked, actually calling the cops about it. Huge props to the cops for actually responding to such a call, in spite of the statistics (they rarely respond and almost never press charges for actual rapes).
My point is: You cannot assume that someone knows what you want.
Snake Boy made a few assumptions that he should not have made, including assuming that I had never been raped before in real life, and assuming that I watched porn (which at the time I still did not). We can fake the reality to impersonate porn, but reality -left to its own devices- is almost never like porn. There are silly moments, tender moments, and all sorts of other things that porn leaves out. And obviously, some things are portrayed in a fantasy way because the real thing is not very sexy at all.
There is one thing that makes me happy about these two scenes when I look back. I’m glad that Snake Boy was disappointed by me acting the way most women actually act when they are raped. That means most rapists probably don’t enjoy it very much, and I’m glad if that’s true.
There’s a tagline I have at the bottom of this blog:
“I want to do things you’ll be ashamed to talk about in the morning.”
This can sound fun to some people, or upsetting to others. However, I want to talk a little bit about what I actually mean when I say it.
Sometimes men watch porn or go to a sex club and see a woman doing something they feel is “gross,” and they will say: “How shameful! She clearly doesn’t respect herself.”
Aside from the fact that these guys tend to have a lot of latent homosexual feelings, there is also an inherent assumption that certain sex acts are incompatible with self-worth.
Guys, when I say you’ll be ashamed to talk about it in the morning, it’s supposed to be a joke. I’m not trying to push your boundaries or make you do things you don’t want to do. I’m not trying to make anyone hate themselves, and I don’t agree with those who are judgmental about what other folks are into. I’m just making a joke about how society at large feels that you’re supposed to be ashamed of sex, and anything you desire. I know a girl who felt so much shame about her own body that she didn’t masturbate until she was in her late 20’s and already had four kids. I think that’s unhealthy, and I think shame is unhealthy. My tagline is meant to openly mock the concept of shame.
That said: I also want to remind folks that you don’t know what is going on inside another person’s head. You don’t know why they are doing what they are doing. That’s why judging them is extra ridiculous. And -if you’re honest- I think you can admit that most judgment is actually rooted in jealousy.
Maybe it’s not that the woman having anal sex at the club doesn’t respect herself. Maybe it’s that you want a guy to do that to you, and you’re afraid you won’t respect yourself if you have sex with a man.
Keep an open mind, and don’t be ashamed of who you are or what you want.
The fetish community is made up of so many different kinds of people. Society at large would probably call us freaks, but I like to think that we are a tolerant bunch (at least within our community).
Something I have always said -which I stole from the iconic Jay Wiseman- is:
“Your kink is not my kink and that’s okay.”
If you are a White guy who likes to sleep with Black women (or men) because of some plantation fantasy, then I will let you do your thing without any commentary from me. If you are a woman who likes to pretend to be a child and have sex with adults, have at it. I admit that -for me personally- things like diapering are a real turn-off. But if it’s what you want to do, then you should do it.
One thing I have noticed over the years is that there are some trends. Many people figure out they are kinky and they want to start with fuzzy handcuffs and stuff. As they get deeper and deeper into the community, they start doing weirder and weirder things to try to get the same rush they felt the first time. Soon they find themselves watching octopus porn on some obscure website on the dark web, because they can’t get off unless they watch a woman have a live octopus shoved up inside her.
This is -perhaps- the one good thing about Artificial Intelligence. In modern porn, you know that no octopi were harmed because computer generated pictures and video are cheaper and easier than finding a woman willing to do it with an octopus.
That’s just a random example dating back to a visit to Bangkok where I was handing a brothel menu with things like “smoking pussy” and “eels in pussy” on it. Stay weird, Thailand. Stay weird.
My point is, people often fall down those holes into the extremely weird. Sometimes it happens over the course of years. Sometimes it happens overnight.
Then, in time, people often come around to realizing that the fun part about kink is actually enjoying your fellow odd ducks getting off on whatever they are into. Maybe it’s just some light dirty talk.
“Oh master, fuck me harder. I’m going to cum!”
Maybe it’s being blindfolded so you don’t know what is coming.
You realize it doesn’t have to be weirder than last time. It just has to be savored. Whatever play you are engaging in, you just have to commit to your role and enjoy the uniqueness of that specific experience.
Anyway, we are the weirdos.
I’m just pointing out a trend I see which makes me feel like we really aren’t that weird. We just like to have interesting experiences, and I’ll never understand why there is a stigma attached to that.
I have a tattoo on my right leg. It is a flesh tear with gruesome, bloody flesh hanging on the sides. Inside the flesh tear is a field of butterflies and sunshine, with a beautiful fairy and colorful flowers. This piece is meant to compliment the black-and-grey leg sleeve on the other side, which is a very Goth collection of skulls and darkness.
This is because I am Goth on the outside, but cheerful and happy on the inside.
Some will cry “You’re a poser,” but it’s actually more about the deep and weird reality of being neurodivergent and having to “mask” to fit into the world and have a job.
The nature of our reality forces us to have personas. For example, who doesn’t know about the customer service voice? Most of us have been forced to work at a call center, wait tables, work retail, or do something else that required us to have a peppy, cheerful voice for customers.
For neurodivergent people, the masking goes deeper. I really am a weird Goth chick with an aesthetic I love. Pale skin, black leather, and lots of strappy things. But I am also a happy person who generally sees the best in people and has a positive outlook on life. I can be both things, and I am. It’s just that I have to hide so much of myself all the time to fit in with neurotypicals, that I end up having imposter syndrome about myself.
This confusion is eased by letting the different part of me out to play in a safe space.
My customer service voice wants to fuck you. I mean, I spent 40 hours a week being her for so many years, but she never got to have sex with anyone because she was all business. Maybe she needs to be let out and allowed to serve you in other ways until you’re a satisfied customer.
And, while Goth is how I like to look, sometimes I also want to act like the Goth girls on TV during sex. I want to be as bananas as Wednesday Addams on the dance floor, but also emotionless and with a blank expression. I mean, why shouldn’t I get to try it out and see how it feels while fucking?
My chipper internal monologue would also like a chance to act out. I want to put a blonde wig over my black hair and dress in something pink. I want to have sex like the preppy girl in my head who is always asking people to go hiking and pointing out the positive moments in our bleak existence.
I’m not saying I know what these personalities will do once I let them out. Maybe my customer service voice likes anal. I have no idea. But I want the chance to explore them in a safe space because they are parts of me, and since sex is such an important part of my life, I want them to explore their sexy sides.
Also, I want my partner to role-play.
Be the guy who thinks the blonde girl is hot, and act however that makes you feel. Be the guy that wants to fuck Wednesday Addams and do whatever that guy wants. Be the person who wants to have sex with the customer service lady, even if that’s some jerk who complains about everything.
I mean, I don’t want to date an asshole who is rude and flirts in obvious ways. But, maybe I want to have sex with that guy.
It’s like upside-down throat fucking. I don’t want someone I love to want to do that to me. But, I want someone I feel safe with to want to do that to me. So, just be someone else for a night so it’s not weird later. If it was just a persona you tried on then it’s not upsetting.
There was a toxic show that reinforced negative stereotypes called “Modern Family.” And -while I did not love how that show portrayed a family or gay people or anything else- I did laugh at the fact that once a year on Valentine’s day, the main characters Phil and Claire would go be different people. They always role-played the same people: Clive and Julia. But, it was so cute and even if the show made it look cheesy, that is a good representation in culture of a major fetish of mine.
Sure, we can be us most of the time. But on my birthday, or for Valentine’s day, or just sometimes; wy can’t we be someone else?
magicallydelicioussuperslut 