Tag Archives: kink

A Long Time Ago, in a Galaxy Far Far Away…

by

0

From the movie "The Craft," here's a 90's Goth girl, just like I was.

From the movie “The Craft,” here’s a 90’s Goth girl, just like I was.

I have been kinky for as long as I can remember. I recently got back in touch with a few old play partners, and it got me thinking about the years I spent messing around before I figured out who I was. There was a lot of years of blind experimentation and trial and error. I wish the internet had been around more when I was young! If I could have read the blogs of a Dominatrix or two it would have saved me so much time! Even if I could have just seen some of the porn from kink.com or something…

Anyway, I thought I’d do a timeline of some of the moments in my sexual history that were significant.

1986: I am five years old and I figure out how to masturbate. Best. Discovery. Ever. BUT I don’t know anything about sex  yet, so I do it thinking about pain. I don’t know why. Maybe I was always kinky, or maybe I became kinky because of this. No idea. I just remember touching myself before kindergarten and thinking about being hit. (Later I totally had sexy fantasies about being assimilated by The Borg, but I think I’m the only one.)

1993: I have sex with my first girl, and I love it. She is sweet and blonde and she is the classic good girl. I am already smoking pot and wearing black and I am her dirty little secret. We are too young to have sex toys, but we do some pretty kinky stuff with actual toys. (It’s so much harder to figure out how to do it when you start with same-sex experiments at a young age!)

1997: I am 16 years old and dating a 27-year-old we’ll call Mr. Creepy. He had a thing for tying up underage girls and then using all kinds of weird tools on them. I was homeless and he let me stay with him, but he was terrifying and I still don’t want to talk about the shit he did to me. I made peace with him many years later, writing letters to him in prison. It helped me to deal with what happened. But it’s just not stuff I like to talk about.

1999: I am introduced to Madam Tracy’s House of Pain by a friend at college. I signed an agreement, so I don’t really talk about it. But, it was enlightening.

2000: I am 19 and the boy I am with likes it when I keep my nails filed into points, so I can tear the skin from his back in chunks while we fuck. After we are done, I carefully clean each wound with rubbing alcohol while he writhes in pain, and then I bandage them. I think the aftercare was his favorite part. While I was a little put-off when he first asked me to do this to him, it got to seem sexy after awhile to inflict pain like that.

2001: I am 20 years old and dating Mr. Charming. He is a beautiful Goth boy with Romance Novel hair falling in perfect ringlet curls, who tells me I am pretty and tries to wake me up inside. We use his martial arts belts to tie each other up and we play with the idea of pain. He loves to be cut, and hit, and he likes to hold me down when we have sex, while I struggle. I guess this is my first role play partner outside of a dungeon and I like it.

2002: I am 21 and I just don’t give a fuck. I am dating too many people to keep track of, getting my stuff thrown off of balconies, and trying all the things. I am totally known as the girl who will do ass-to-mouth and who slurps cum like a porn star.

From when I learned to masturbate to when I was 21 years old, I was really just experimenting with everything. Those were the years when I had no idea what I was doing and I was just playing around and trying to figure out who I was and what I liked. It was much harder back then, because computers were really expensive and I was really poor, and the internet didn’t have as much easy-to-access information on kink. Even when I COULD get someone to let me use it for a few minutes, I could never find what I was looking for.

I had no online community to ask questions of, and the actual community was hard to find and full of secretive people who acted like the sex they had was SUCH a big deal. I remember one APEX meeting  when I was really little where I gave up and walked out because everyone seemed too pretentious to my young self and I just couldn’t stand it anymore. If you weren’t IN the community yet and you wanted to get into it, they made it hard and they acted exclusionary.

I think young people today don’t realize how much harder it was 15 years ago to get into the kink community. We were in the shadows then, and none of us could have dreamed of a novel (even a shitty one like 50 Shades of Grey) being popular in the main stream. Now, with books like S&M 101 and communities like the one on reddit to use as resources, it’s so easy to learn all the things that I had to come by the hard way!

As I approach another birthday in my 30’s, I want to take a moment to think about how grateful I am that the world has changed, and how much I hope it keeps moving in the right direction. Tolerance has never been more common, and I hope it will just continue to improve!

To The Desert I Go…

by

0

This is the desert of Arizona.

This is the desert of Arizona.

So the scene in Arizona is wild. There is a lot of hook suspensions and small fetlife munches on a Tuesday night draw about 90 people. It’s a scene unlike any other I have seen.

The big thing I came here for is the Horns and Halos Fetish prom. I have been to fetish proms that were really awesome, but none as good as the ones in Arizona. I don’t know why that is, but these kids really know how to get some serious kink on, while drawing great bands and vendors as well.

The crowd cheering for Element a440 at a previous prom.

The crowd cheering for Element a440 at a previous prom.

There are usually strippers, stage shows, vendors, and all mannar of fun kinky things to do. A boy I met the other day told me he brought a paddle to the last Horns and Halos prom, and ended up with a line of girls waiting to be spanked. That’s the kind of stuff that happens at these proms.

Just a pretty girl on a stripper pole...

Just a pretty girl on a stripper pole…

When I was in Korea, I threw some small fetish proms that were fun, but barely broke 100 people. The Horns and Halos proms are so big that they rent an entire hotel for the after-hours party.

Side-stage kink/fetish show

Side-stage kink/fetish show

I’m really excited to be here for the next event. I’ll be promoting for Doctor Xtreme while I am there, and my Pet is even going to fly out. This is going to be SO much fun!

Trying to get in Trouble in Thailand

by

3

Inside a temple in Chang Mai

Inside a temple in Chang Mai

So I planned a trip to Thailand because a long time ago in a land far away, I promised a woman who took care of me and was kind to me that I would go there some day. Before I went, I hit up the Bangkok group on fetlife.com to ask what kinky stuff I could find there. I didn’t get any responses though- so make of that what you will.

Anyway, after several weeks I have to tell you; there’s not much kinky stuff to see in Bangkok.

Yes, there are ping pong ball shows (and no I do not have pictures because they don’t allow cameras in the sex clubs- but I will write about my trip to see a pussy with eels in it at some point.) And there are hookers of all kinds. You could buy a wife too, if you wanted. But then, you don’t need to come here to do that. They have websites to order them online. In fact, the woman who I promised I would come here was a mail order bride herself.

So if you want a Thai wife, or a ping pong ball show for tourists, or a ladyboy to do whatever with, you can find it in Bangkok.

Also, you can find about a zillion buddhas because they call it the land of a thousand buddhas for a reason.

A temple in Bangkok

A temple in Bangkok

I tried my hardest to get into trouble. I went on a date with a Hell’s Angel in Chang Mai and asked him to take me to the Mother Of All Dive Bars or anywhere skivvy and fun.  The dive bar was certainly the biggest dive I’ve been in after traveling the world, so I’ll give him that. And yet… no sex shops with whips and chains. No dungeons. And when I asked about kink, everyone just kind of looked at me and then said:  “you mean like a ladyboy?”

I’ll keep searching. I haven’t given up yet! But I have to say, I’ve never had this much trouble finding kinky stuff in any other country in the world. If you know of any kinky spots anywhere in Thailand, you tell me in the comments, okay?

Inside yet another temple; this one in the South

Inside yet another temple; this one in the South

Rules and Etiquette

by

0

Just some whips lined up for a party

Just some whips lined up for a party

I am sorry for this. I try to be upbeat, and this post is a little negative. Please forgive me.

Living abroad, I have met a lot of people from various kink communities all over the world. One common theme drives me mad:

Everyone has a different idea of what “the rules” are, and many of them think their way is the only way. I don’t know why- but folks always get really preachy about kink and it’s a little hard for me to take sometimes.

A good example of this is the whole “kink terms” concept.

In all small communities, you can find terms used by the folks in them to describe things. These terms tend to evolve within the small community. I hate when someone from Wisconsin (just as an example) tells someone from Paris that they don’t know shit because they’ve never heard the term “Plug Vibration.”

Look people; if your community used certain words to describe things- that’s cool. If those terms got picked up and used by lots of people- good for you. If you spread your ideas through the internet and lots of people now share them- that’s great.

However, that doesn’t give you the right to act like an elitist when someone else doesn’t know what you’re talking about.

I am a pretty quiet person when it comes to my kink. I don’t talk a lot about what I do, or how I do it. I follow the philosophy that everyone I meet can teach me something I don’t know, and so I prefer to listen.

When I do talk about my kink experiences, I try not to sound like an elitist. I mean hey- the dungeons I have been in were illegal for the most part. The fetish proms I’ve been to were full of more extreme elements than you usually see in kink anywhere. I am not going to talk like I know more than anyone else. I may know different things than they know- but that doesn’t make me better.

I give advice on this blog. To be fair though- I started this blog because I was asked to by some people who know me, and I was just trying to be helpful. I’ve only kept writing because it gets a lot of hits, so I like to delude myself into thinking maybe I am helping people a little sometimes. However, giving some advice doesn’t mean I think I am better than you. You can choose to take it or leave it. You can always do things your way instead of mine, because my way might not work for everyone.

I guess all I am trying to say is that I have a lot of trouble wrapping my head around the way folks in the community act sometimes. I mean, I’m flexible about how I do my scene negotiation, how I play scenes, and how I talk about it all. I don’t tend to use language that might make others feel excluded, and I don’t tend to ever lecture anyone on protocol. Do your thing, people. Whatever it is- I’m not going to judge.

I hate to get down on my community. I feel bad about writing this post. But at the same time- I wanted to call attention to this behaviour because I find it to be a real turn-off when trying to interact with fellow kinksters.

Also, I came from a scene with a lot of blood play and hook suspension. It was very extreme. Therefore I consider myself very conservative about kink, since I don’t often hang from meat hooks or drink blood.

But of course, kink is a lot like political affiliation. I mean, I’m from a red state where everyone is very conservative and they all carry guns. In my home state, I am branded as a radical liberal for my ideas. And compared to the folks around me, I am a radical liberal.

However, when I go up to the pacific northwest and meet the liberals there, I think they’re all way too touchy-feely and I find myself only about to hang with the conservatives.

So a radical liberal in my home state is a conservative in the northwest.

Same with kink.

I might have always thought of myself as very conservative about kink, but now I am finding people who are horrified by some of my ideas, and who think I am radical.

My point here is that it’s really all a matter of perspective. You might look at things one way. I might look at them another. That’s life. But I’m not going to judge you, nor will I treat you badly because we have different ideas. And, I feel like I deserve the same.

Tolerance should really come more easily to this community- so let’s keep that in mind.