I’ve written before about how much I love Halloween  because it’s the one day a year that, instead of giving me dirty looks, people say “Nice costume!” It’s really wonderful to be able to walk around dressed in Domme gear instead of having to bring it all in a bag and get dressed in the bathroom of a venue (I learned the hard way that you do not want to get pulled over by a cop while wearing vinyl because they do not like that, so change when you get there.) But on Halloween, all things are permitted.

As I have often said, I love this. I don’t slut-shame the sexy nurses, sexy kitty cats, or any other silly costume marketed to women. I don’t care that women use Halloween as an excuse to dress as something that they never normally would. In fact. I think that is great!

However this year, a reader asked me a new question that I have never even thought of before, and it kind of blew my mind. He wrote: “Do you get upset when vanilla women dress up as a Dominatrix on Halloween? Isn’t this cultural appropriation?”

So first, I want to say that I think it’s pretty shitty when people make a culture into a costume. I have Native American friends, and I am super offended when I see someone wearing a cheap, fake headdress made out of chicken feathers and calling themselves “Chief Wanna-Bang-You” or some other disgraceful shit. Fuck people who do that.

And second, I want to agree that Kink is a culture, and that a vanilla woman dressing up as a Domme for Halloween is definitely appropriation of a culture. HOWEVER, I do not think it is offensive. Look; that might be a personal thing. Maybe I am wrong (and if so please write to me and tell me why!)

It’s just that to me, shaming someone for cultural appropriation requires that the appropriation actually does some damage. And honestly, I think kink fiction written by vanilla people (such as 50 Shades of Grey) does a lot more damage than some vanilla wife playing Domme could ever do. I just mean, I think that standard we should use when we decide if something is appropriation is: Does it cause harm? And I don’t think that a vanilla woman in a fake pleather outfit with a thin, novelty whip is hurting anyone (literally or metaphorically.)

Halloween is my favorite holiday, and I don’t want people to be dicks on Halloween. So don’t appropriate someone’s culture. Be respectful of Native Americans, Black Americans, and everyone the fuck else. But on the other side of it, don’t be a white person who wants to call people out just for fun, because those people turn Halloween into a nightmare by actively trying to get offended.

Also, do not spread all that bullshit about how stoners are going to give your kids drugs. Drugs are very expensive, and no one is going to give them away on Halloween. The Beckys who push this crap are really ruining a perfectly good holiday.