My husband is a feminist. That means that he believes in equal rights for both men and women. I am also a feminist. This is hard for both of us because he is in the military. I can not tell you how horrible the other military spouses have been to me because I work, make more money than my husband, believe in enjoying sex, etc…
One theme comes up over and over. These women, when it comes right down to it, are close-minded and stuck in the 1950’s. They actually talk about how giving blowjobs is gross. Many of them insist that they would never do it. To them, a blowjob is kinky and scary and strange.
So I began to see a correlation of sorts; particularly when trying to date other men associated with the military (because that’s a whole lot of what there is in Guam.)
These men think feminism is a bad word, and they are afraid of me because I know what I want. They think going down on a girl is gross, and don’t have a clue how the female orgasm works.
And more and more I am beginning to see that kinky people are mostly feminists, and vanilla people are still fighting away at some silly “battle of the sexes” watching terrible comedians who mock women for being too stupid to get dressed on time, and mock men for being too stupid to load a dishwasher.
So let’s talk about this.
First, my husband is able to load a dishwasher. He is not unable to do household tasks, and the idea that men are “too stupid for housework” is simply a trick men pulled on women to keep them in their place. Don’t fall into that trap, because that isn’t helping anyone.
A man can do anything a woman can do, and I know many men who are capable of cooking, cleaning, sowing, knitting, and all kinds of “girl” things.
Also, I can work on a car. I can shoot a gun. I can do all kinds of things that are “boy” things, and so can other women.
We are both capable genders with lots going for us. Maybe women take a little longer to get ready because shaving takes time and makeup takes time, and girl clothes are a pain in the ass. But if you mock a women for this, you may end up with one that doesn’t wear makeup or girl clothes or shave. So keep it in perspective.
Meanwhile, men are not often as adept at housework right off the bat because no one taught them. Women often endure a great deal of socialization by their mothers (“Let me show you how to do the laundry honey. You’ll need to wash your husband’s clothes some day.”) Men do not get that socialization and so they often have a steeper learning curve.
None of this is in any way related to our value as humans.
Women are worth exactly what men are worth.
We are as capable.
The places I see these artificial barriers the most are with less educated and more vanilla folks. And so I just want to take a moment to thank my beloved BDSM community for being full of people smart enough to raise themselves up beyond the divisive bullshit and actually see what equality means.
If you are reading this blog, then I imagine you are a feminist. So am I. So is my husband. And the facts stand. We’re better in bed, we have more fun, and we treat everyone with respect. I hope someday the rest of the world catches up with us.
Since the release of a certain novel that began as Twilight fan fiction, many people have started to become curious about BDSM. This has led to a lot of questions about where to get good BDSM porn.
Sadly, I have to tell you that I don’t know. Sure, there are books for that sort of thing like the Sleeping Beauty Series. And there are instructional books too.
However, when you start looking into porn for some fetishes (say a female domme who is not a bitch to her subs) you tend to come up empty-handed.
If you are a male, and you are into dominating females, then you can find all the things you want at kink.com.
But if you are most other kinds of kinky, there isn’t much out there for you. And in pretty much all BDSM porn I have seen, the participants are mean to each other. I don’t happen to think that dynamic is always fun, because BDSM can also be very sensual and loving and it doesn’t get enough credit for that.
And what if you are a female that likes to objectify men in the same way that women are traditionally objectified in modern media? There isn’t really any porn for you. After all, that’s not something the people who make porn would ever think of (I mean, they are all men!)
So what do you do if you are looking for some BDSM porn that involves a loving couple with a healthy power-balance?
Well, there are sites like Literotica that offer a variety of kinky stories to read. Usually in there you will find the stuff you are probably looking for (more cute rope scenes and less clown porn with handcuffs.)
But if you’re looking for video it’s a good chance you are out of luck.
I like to hope that as BDSM becomes more main stream, we might see more porn that is actually representative of our relationships. But then, vanilla folks don’t really get that right now, and they are the defining element of the mainstream.
Hopefully you find something out there that is something like what you want. But I think for us kinky folks, the best porn is real life, because often we have more satisfying sex than anything you can find online. Go us.
A recent reader question prompted me to do a quick post on key parties.
It should be noted that this is not generally something that is associated with the kink scene. You may consider it to be “kinky,” and that is a matter of opinion. However, in the kink scene we tend to be very picky about our play partners because we have specific scene ideas and play preferences that are best complimented by a certain sort of person. A person who identifies as a “Little” will be best complimented by someone who enjoys playing the role of “Daddy,” for example. This means we are very unlikely to chose partners in any sort of random way.
The idea behind a “key party” is that several couples get together at someone’s house and have dinner and drinks. At the start of the night, all the men put their keys in a bowl. At the end of the night, each women picks a set of keys from the bowl, and goes home with whomever they belong to.
This is typically popular among older married couples who are vanilla, because a marriage can get stale, and vanilla people all have pretty much the same kind of sex, so they can pretty much match up with any other vanilla person.
Of course, I have been to a key party because they are sometimes organized within the BDSM community. But when that is the case, it is usually among couples who know one another. It will be something like all female Dommes and all male Submissives, and everyone will fill out consent forms and BDSM checklists first.
Obviously, as I have said many times before, spontaneous hookups are a bad idea. Remember that condoms do not protect against HSV-1 or HSV-2 and are not 100% for other STDs either. Anytime you “hook up” without first trading current STD tests, you put your life and the lives of your partners at risk. So before you go organizing your own kink key party, make sure to get the paperwork of everyone involved.
I should admit first that I don’t actually like the beauty series (myself). I am not very good at getting lost in fantasy, and so the whole time I was reading these books I was completely horrified by the lack of consent.
The plot (very briefly): A princess is given to a prince (unwillingly) by her parents so she can learn discipline and humility by becoming a slave in his castle, used for sex as well as random punishment with paddles and whips and the like.
Even though I find the lack of consent unnerving, obviously it is a fictional story with fictional characters and no one at all as harmed except in Anne Rice‘s imagination. So it is very silly of me to find it hard to read.
My only explanation is that I have spent too long in the kink scene, and I have said “safe, sane, and consensual” too many times. It is part of who I am and there is no changing it now. Even in fantasy I want the characters to submit of their own free will if they do submit.
But I digress. If you are looking for a fantasy series about kink, then these are really good books for you. It doesn’t matter if you imagine yourself as the prince (if you are a Dom) or if you imagine yourself as the princess (if you are a Submissive). From either point of view the series explores a wide variety of interesting taboos and situations that your imagination will probably have fun playing with.
I have said before that slut-shaming is wrong. I will continue to say this because so many men refuse to understand this point, and it gets tiresome.
First, I was recently called a “disgusting sex-worker” and I want to deconstruct all the things wrong with that.
Let’s start with sex workers. This would be someone who sleeps with people for money. A sex worker can be male or female. It is obviously safer to be a sex worker in a place where it is legal, because then regulations can be placed on the industry and STD tests conducted frequently.
I recently had a wonderful sex worker named Nell Gwyn do a guest post on this blog, and it was a brilliant explanation of why someone would choose to work in the sex industry, and how much fun it can be.
Nell acknowledges that some sex workers are coerced. However, legalizing this industry would allow us to shed light on who is doing the work, and make sure that all the people doing it are like Nell (willing and happy with their job.)
These people are doing a job they like, and I think most of the male spite for them comes from the fact that men can not easily get paid to have sex, and so they are very jealous.
But there is certainly another point to make here: It is not disgusting to have sex!
Why do some men hold on to this antiquated notion that sex is disgusting? And if a woman become “dirty” when she has sex with a man, then isn’t it obvious that we should be looking at HIM for making her “dirty” by touching her? Does this not imply that all men are foul creatures who put dirt on a woman by touching her?
That is ridiculous. Seriously, it’s nuts!
Sex is fun. People should have it because it is enjoyable and also good for your health. Many scientific studies have proven that people who have more sex live longer. I guess we already knew that before science studied it, because of Hugh Hefner. But seriously; it’s fun and it’s good for you. Why would anyone be against people having sex? What horrible prudes feel this way?
As I tried to explain to this person who was slut-shaming, he is only hurting himself. Men want to have sex with women. And yet, some men choose to call women awful names and treat them badly for having sex. This is obviously a case of them acting directly against their own interests. If you shame women for having sex and think they shouldn’t have it, then what will you and your fellow men have sex with, I wonder? Does this mean men should stop sleeping with women (since it makes them dirty and disgusting) and fuck goats instead? Is that somehow cleaner and better?
But if you are a man, and you do want to have sex with a women, then you are nothing short of stupid and wrong to shame women for having sex. It hurts your cause more than anything else you could do, and never have I seen a more clear example of someone acting against their own interests.
Then there’s the fact that this vanilla person does not even know what a sex worker actually is. It is someone who performs sex acts for money, as per the definition.
To explain all the ways a Dominatrix is not a sex worker, I have to start by telling you that a dungeon is a safe place for a BDSM couple to go learn more about the kink scene, and to play. Because a dungeon is a space that vanilla people do not understand, let me explain what happens in a dungeon.
A person who works there (which has been me at two different dungeons over 10 years) will show you around. We will explain the rules. In most dungeons it is fine to have sex, and it is fine to be nude. But you may not take out your phone or any device with a camera, touch anyone without permission, or interrupt anyone else’s “scene.”
When we say “safe, sane, and consensual” we really mean it.
After a couple is given the tour, they will be allowed to explore the various things the dungeon has to offer. These will be things like cages, sex swings, and BDSM furniture. It is typical for people to bring their own toys, because the sharing of bodily fluids is never encouraged. You also typically find wet wipes with alcohol around, so you can disinfect any furniture you use, just like wiping down a machine at the gym.
But a Dominatrix does more than just give tours. We also teach workshops on scene negotiation, BDSM for new folks, how to use toys like a violet wand or a flogger, and how to conduct an open relationship. I have done workshops on these and many other topics. During the workshops where I am teaching the use of a toy, I will generally have a submissive who acts as my demo bunny so people can actually see the toy in action. However if no one is available, I can of course demonstrate certain things on myself, like the girl above showing how a violet wand works.
A sex worker is different because they are not teaching someone how to act in a dungeon or how to use a flogger. They are actually engaging in sex acts for money. I do not think this is wrong, and I admire all the sex workers I know and have known (I met my first when I was 16. Her name was Julia and she was amazing!).
However, I do not personally participate in sex acts for money, because it is simply not something that falls within my personal comfort level. And that does not mean it is wrong! It simple means it’s not MY thing, much like blood play or a few other hard limits of mine.
So the person who claimed a Dominatrix is a sex worker and that sex workers are disgusting did so for several reasons. The main reason is, of course, ignorance of BDSM and what happens at a dungeon. But also there is an inherit bias in this thinking, involving the religious idea that sex is somehow wrong or dirty (which of course it is not) and that women are somehow made less by having sex (which of course they are not.) It is actually hard to be more wrong than he was, and I hope someday he realizes his vast mistakes in logic and in character.
Disclaimer: If you are religious, good for you. But in my experience that comes with a lot of baggage about sex. I have had to counsel a lot of people about their feelings of shame when it comes to sex, and personally I think it is horrible that people are taught to be ashamed of natural biological functions. So if you are religious, fine. But for the love of all that is logical and rational, don’t teach your kids to be ashamed of sex! Teach them how to be safe, and how to know when they are ready. But do not instill the same and disgust that these slut-shaming folks have had instilled in them. There is nothing more unnatural and wrong.
For the longest time I saw no point in reviewing this book. I saw no point in writing a blog about it, or even bringing it up. I didn’t even know what to say, and in any case, it has been written about over and over by so many people that one more voice didn’t seem like it would add much to the collective dialogue.
I mean, even Dave Barry wrote about 50 Shades of Grey! I definitely didn’t see that one coming. (But it was really funny and you should read it.)
My point is: everything that could be said had been said, and I didn’t know what I could possible add.
But a recent Google search for something kinky again pulled up more 50 Shades of Grey links and pictures, and I found myself miserable that a community I have been in for so long is associated with something so bad. I suddenly felt that this was an “if you see something, say something” situation like stopping men from harassing women or anyone from beating a child. I didn’t care if it had all been said. I was going to say it again!
So first, I have a reading list of good books related to kink that you can read. So you should know right away that there are excellent source materials out there that are not very bad erotic fiction written by someone clueless about kink.
Second, let’s talk about the BDSM slogan: “Safe, Sane, and Consensual.”
It is not safe to date someone who stalks you. It is not safe to date someone who forces you away from your friends and insists on you keeping things a secret. Those are the behaviors of abusers, and you need to stay away from abusive men and women. No one should ever try to isolate you from loved ones like your friends and family, and no one should ever come to your home after you tell them to leave you alone. It’s not healthy to break boundaries that are set by your partner, and is not sane behavior to stalk someone.
And remember that consent is a really big deal. I totally make people fill out consent forms. I have them fill out checklists over tea. I do intense scene negotiations to make sure I am clear on what someone is okay with. And that is how BDSM is supposed to be.
The relationship in 50 Shades of Grey is super unhealthy, as plenty of people before me have said.
I read the book because of a friend of mine named Doctor Xtreme who makes interesting sex toys. He lives in Denver Colorado, and he reported to me that the book store near his house had a pallet of the first 50 Shades book brought in each day and sold out by nightfall. Of course, he was in no way implying that it was a good book. Only that it was a popular book.
Why does that matter? Well, as many have said, it reflects upon the community.
And the truth is, this unhealthy relationship between Ana and Christian reflects very poorly on our community. It will bring new people to our munches and fetish proms who are looking for abusive relationships; coming to us with horrible standards for what they think BDSM is.
It was also pretty awful writing. As an avid reader my entire life, I think I can say that. It was very hard to get through already for ideological reasons, but then I also had to force myself to keep reading (the way I do with a dull textbook for a college course that I’m not into.)
And now they are going to make a movie of the first book, and when that goes well, I bet they make the whole set. I am dreading it. It’ll bring it all out into the public eye again where we all have to discuss it some more, and that won’t be any fun at all.
Anyway, I just wanted to add my voice to those arguing for safe and consensual sex. I hope in the future, more people will come to realize that the BDSM community is a wonderful place, and that 50 Shades of Grey is not representative of us.
Facebook recently decided that everyone should have to use their “real name” on their web site. I can’t tell you how mad this made me.
When I first entered the kink scene nearly two decades ago, I was named “Lady Violet” for my Dominant nature and my purple eye shadow. I have continued using the name Violet in most instances in the kink scene.
This is due to the nature of jobs I have held where being kinky would be considered a scandal, as well as the job my husband holds which has strict rules about conduct in and outside the workplace.
Obviously, there are a great many people who have jobs that would be difficult to do under their real name. Fear of stalkers, being fired from jobs, and other concerns make adopting a “scene name” a no-brainier for a lot of people from a lot of different walks of life.
I have been asked how one chooses a “scene name,” and that is something I have precious little advice on. I legally changed my real name when I was old enough to do so (for a myriad of personal reasons) and I think that naming yourself is the hardest thing a person can do. Perhaps without realizing it, I think we are all influenced by the names that we were given. Choosing a new name is like trying to re-invent yourself. It’s not easy for everyone.
The only guidance I can offer is to pick a name that you are sure you like, because it’s very hard to change your name more than once. You have to learn to respond to something completely new, and to become accustomed to people knowing you by that name.
I know it can seem silly if you have a job that wouldn’t be damaged by knowledge of your bedroom preferences getting out. I know some people are comfortable using their real names and do not feel threatened by anyone knowing their “real identity.” They “come out” as kinky to friends, family, and co-workers. And that is totally okay too! If you prefer to use your real name, then I am proud of you for not being afraid of the consequences.
However I do highly recommend that in particular anyone who performs in the community give consideration to using a name other than the one on their birth certificates.
For me, I was happy to adopt the name Violet, and I am glad that it is passable as a real name so that it can be used on Facebook and other social media sites. I even feel like it helps me switch from “real life” to the kink mentality when I go from one name to the other. I think it helps me to get into character.
So if you are new to the scene and you are still telling people your real name, I guess I hope you’ll consider this food for thought. Obviously it is up to every person to consider what their own comfort level is, but I know that I have been happier using a scene name and writing under a pen name, and I think that there are good reasons to think about doing it when you get involved with kink.
(Note: I should disclose that I am on some antibiotics that are making me feel pretty bad right now. So if I sound meaner than usual, I guess that’s why.)
I’ve mentioned already how I am currently living on the island of Guam, and how there is a distinct lack of kinky folks here. So as a result, I’ve been talking to some vanilla people.
Now, I know that some vanilla folks are curious and might want to try kink stuff, so I don’t dismiss them out-of-hand. You never know what someone might want to try, and people can surprise you.
However, I do state on all my online dating profiles that I AM kinky, and that I am looking for a kinky partner. Ergo, it would seem to me that it’s obvious enough that I am not looking for someone who wants to have the kind of sex that will bore me. (And I know not all kinky folks are bored by vanilla sex, but without some sort of power dynamic, I can’t seem to get aroused.)
So I bring it up with the vanilla folks who flirt with me. I ask if there is anything they are curious about, or if they have any legitimate interest in kinky sex. And thus far, they have seemed not only disinterested, but frightened.
So I suggest looking up fetish lists or kink worksheets online. I suggest reading up on BDSM to see if they might have interests they are as of yet unaware of.
Thus far, my experience has been that vanilla people are judgmental of my lifestyle and afraid of what it might entail.
In addition to being judgmental and frightened, a lot of them just kind of bum me out. Here are a few things I have actually had said to me by more than one person:
“Well, there’s about 10 guys to every woman on island, so it’s impossible to get laid here.”
(Let’s talk about how it is not my responsibility to “get you laid.” Your insecurity over not usually being the one guy out of ten that a girl will pick makes you sound unattractive to say the least.)
“I mean, she gave me a blowjob so I guess it was worth going out with her. But then she wanted me to go down on her and I was like NO.”
(You are literally telling me up front that you are a selfish lover and I will get no pleasure from sleeping with you.)
“I dunno, I mean, I’ll try everything once; but I’m not really into all that weird stuff.”
(You are implying a judgement of my lifestyle while yet again making yourself sound awful in bed.)
I can’t figure out how guys think that saying things like this to me will make me want them. First, if you’re a guy who expects blowjobs but won’t go down on a girl, then you suck. A lot. And no girl will want you. I don’t agree with all the things they say (because every girl is different and I don’t like what they like in bed) but I think Tammy and Nicole make a great point in their piece “How To Eat Pussy;”
“When a woman finds a man who gives good head, she’s found a treasure she’s not going to let go of too quickly. This is one rare customer and she knows it. She won’t even tell her girlfriends about it or that guy will become the most popular man in town.”
So look vanilla guys, bragging about how you don’t give head is just sad. I expect oral sex. And I expect a lot more on top of that.
What I imagine when a vanilla guy tells me that he doesn’t even go down on girls is sex like I had when I was 13. Awkward, devoid of orgasm (again people, as Mary Roach writes about in the non-fiction science book Bonk: MOST WOMEN CAN NOT HAVE VAGINAL ORGASMS,) and boring. I’m expecting that you will probably want to kiss a lot (not one of my favorite things), then maybe play with my nipples or something, and then have penetrative sex until YOU get off, while I lay there bored and unfulfilled.
So why would I want that?
Well the answer is that I don’t. I really, really don’t. I could have more fun staying home and watching Porn.
So please guys, if you are vanilla, don’t bother to write to me thinking that I’m going to save you from your sexless life on Guam and give you a pity fuck. I am a slut, but that doesn’t mean I am the slightest bit interested in bad sex. I call myself a slut because I LOVE sex. I enjoy it, and I seek it out often. I like sex clubs like The Velvet Rope, Club Desire, and Club Sesso. I like new and different ways of playing, like the toys invented by Doctor Xtreme.
If you want to impress me, then why don’t you learn a little about kink before you talk to me, and then list specific things you are interested in? As I have said, there are loads of lists online. I recommend the CEPE printable list because it’s comprehensive. But you can look through anything kink-related you like to get ideas.
The key thing to remember is that there is always a power dynamic in the background, and that is what makes kink so exciting. It’s as much in your head as it is outside of your head with whips and chains. And it’s fair to say that if you’re not into it at all, then you probably never will be.
So in spite of your apparent lack of options, I still recommend you find someone else. I know that sounds harsh and I’m sorry, but I’m not having sex with someone just because they’re desperate. I want to have sex I can enjoy too. And I’m not going to compromise my desires for you.
Discretion has never been something I had to worry about too much. I am from a big city, and I have mostly lived in big cities. I have become accustomed to being anonymous, and I have always appreciated that.
Several years ago when I moved to South Korea, things got a little complicated. The foreign community and kink community were smaller, and so there was more cause for caution. I had to adapt to that idea, and to learn not to use my real name.
But nothing could have prepared me for the discretion required on a tiny island.
I typically work as a teacher. You can well imagine how being outed as kinky would go. I can see the headline now: “TEACHER FIRED IN DISGRACE AFTER BDSM FETISH DISCOVERED.”
I don’t suppose they couldn’t charge me with anything legally, but I imagine they would try. No one wants their small children taught by “one of those freaks.” (Won’t it be nice when the discrimination against BDSM is finally over?)
So the island of Guam is really small. It has about 170,000 people, which is far less people than in any of the cities I have lived. Already, it seems like everyone knows everyone. I have been recognized twice on the street by people I met casually in a different social setting.
This begs the question; what to do when you have to keep who you are quiet? The thing I did first was to simply accept the isolation I felt, and to try to work through it. People here are afraid to meet. They don’t have munches. They want to spend a long time talking online first, to make sure it’s safe. Okay. These are things I accept about living on a tiny community.
Then logistics. Obviously I can’t just go meeting people in highly public areas. After all, I am married and my husband would rather people NOT find out we’re poly or kinky. (Same reason as me- job to worry about.)
But who wants to meet a complete stranger alone at their house? So a nice out-of-the-way restaurant that is busy enough for someone to hear you scream, but slow enough that I may not be recognized. Fine.
It’s only been a month, but my patience is starting to wear thin. I see why people in small towns have such a struggle being kinky.
I don’t know if I’ll be able to date much while here. I’m thankful I have my husband, because without him I’d be all alone.
After some of the shit I’ve seen lately, I think I need to start by saying I love my husband. Pet; you’re wonderful and I hope you realize how glad I am to have you.
On to the topic of secrets and lies:
I can’t believe some things require saying, but life is full of weird situations and I understand that sometimes it’s hard to avoid things that you’d maybe rather not do.
But look; secrets and lies are bad.
I come from a very sex-positive mindset. I trade STD tests with potential partners and get myself screened every six months. I am in a happy, healthy, poly marriage. I am a straight-forward, no-nonsense kind of person.
With that said; not everyone can be this way. People find themselves in weird situations. For example, in the military it is very against the rules to have sex with someone who is of lower rank, because they could feel coerced and this is comparable to rape in the eyes of our armed forces.
But if you are of a high rank, and there is no one else around that is, what are you supposed to do? Star Trek TNG confronted this a few times. A good example would be the episode where Jean Luc falls for one of his officers and then has to send her into danger on a planet. They discuss the moral issues involved with that, and the emotional ones. And in the end they decide it isn’t worth it.
Now I don’t know if you guys are Star Trek fans, but I think if Jean Luc Picard can fall into a moral quandary over sex, then I’m sure the rest of us can too.
So what to do in these situations?
Well the key BDSM rule is “safe, sane, and consensual.” I think that applies to all things.
But let’s look at an example or two.
There is a couple I am friends with who just broke up. And two weeks after the break up, the guy got married to a completely different and seemingly random girl.
Now, he swears that he never cheated in the 5 years he was with his girlfriend in a monogamous relationship. But I don’t know which is worse. Cheating is pretty bad (cheating as defined by lying to your partner about who you’re having sex with). But marrying someone you don’t really know after two weeks is also bad. So I’m not sure what’s up there, but it’s probably bad ju-ju all around.
So the girl went all Carrie Underwood and wrecked all his stuff.
First: Ladies, let’s be classy. What kind of person does ridiculous shit like wrecking another person’s car or setting their things on fire? Come on. You are better than that. And while I’m at it, don’t hit guys either. Just because they probably won’t hit you back, doesn’t make it okay.
Second: Guys, c’mon. Really. Don’t do shit that is going to get you in trouble. If you have negotiated a monogamous relationship then don’t cheat. If you don’t want to be in a monogamous relationship, then don’t negotiate one.
I know that for a guy, it’s considered crazy to turn down a girl who wants to have sex with you. But look; it’s all about the greater good. Secrets and lies blow up in your face eventually and it never ends well. Having sex with co-workers, cheating, and other devious shit is bound to get you in trouble.
I know there are grey areas and sometimes it seems like you can have ALL THE THINGS and not get caught. And I know sometimes you just give in to impulses you can’t help and think “Oh fuck it, what’s the worst that could happen?”
But don’t be surprised when things get all fucked up because you lied. And yes, lying by omission totally counts.
If you want to be with someone who needs a monogamous relationship, then you should commit to it.
And well, if you’re like me and you just want to be wild and free; have the courage to tell people that. Defend who you are and your lifestyle, and stand up for yourself. Because if you hide who you are you will become ashamed and full of self-doubt. It’s not a good way to be.
Secrets and lies are bad. And I can’t believe I have to say that, but apparently I do.
And one last note while I’m on a role: Ladies please stop planing your life around guys you just met. It’s weird. Seriously. If you’ve known a guy for a few weeks, or even a few months, do not start naming the kids you want to have together or altering your whole life to be with them. People can get tangled up really quickly. Stuff ends up at the other person’s house, things get borrowed, etc… Don’t get tangled up any quicker than you have to. Be your own person. That’s really important.
If it happens too fast, it’s probably not healthy.
Oh, and for the love of all the gods living and dead, leave me out of it if you’re going to lie.
magicallydelicioussuperslut 
