Category Archives: Weekly fun

Sex and the Beach!

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Near Haeundae beach at a huge temple

I find this “weekly fun” section to be the least exciting part of my blog. I know it will get more interesting as I have more play partners that I am doing fun things with, but everyone goes through dry spells some times and this is one of mine. It’s not a lack of sex so much as a lack of sex you probably want to hear about.

So I went to Busan with a Physicist and we stared out at the waves and played in the sand, and we had a lot of mostly vanilla sex. He’s into a lot of sex machine kind of stuff and obviously most of us in the community do not pack toys for short vacations (I mean, sometimes for a special occasion, but not as a matter of form). So, it was mostly just vanilla fun.

I promise to have some more interesting sex later. It was actually a REALLY fun weekend and I adore the shit out of the good doctor, but I feel like this blog is not about describing the intimate details of my life, as much as it is about telling you helpful stuff. So that said, this weekend I didn’t do anything that would help you learn anything. I just had a really good time.

Cheers from the beach!

Physics is fun!

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The weather outside is perfect and I can’t think of a better time to run around and have fun with someone. Sadly, I haven’t heard much from Mr. Nice Guy or Mr. Uptight. To be fair, it’s not like I’ve been trying to talk to them or anything. I get bored easily when I am not excited about the sex…

Thankfully, I’d been flirting with a guy online and we finally had the chance to meet up. He’s in the country to work for the Koreans doing some cool Physics-related stuff. I jumped on over to the MIT open course web site, and brushed up on my Physics quickly when we set a date to meet.

I actually used to date an aerospace engineer, so I’ve done enough time around graduate students in science and engineering to speak their language. Physics specifically though- I don’t think I’d thought about that since freshmen year in college! After a little brushing up and some stalking (I looked up his name and read the papers he’s published in various science journals) I was ready to rock.

I took him to a picnic. A group called Lost in Seoul put it on and I had sort of wanted to go anyway, so I thought, why not? A picnic is a classy first date, right? I guess it was because he seemed impressed. Now, before I go on I should give him a name, but he has a PHD so I feel like Dr. is more appropriate than Mr. in this case…  So how about Dr. Desire? It’s cheesy, but I get wet when guys talk nerdy to me so I wanted him almost the moment I met him. How lucky, I thought when I first saw him, that he is smart AND cute!

We walked all over, ate dinner, hung at a bar, and ended up back at his place. There was sex, and it was really good. I mean, it wasn’t really kinky or anything, but it was the best sex I have had since Mr. Bond, so that was awesome! Physics must come into play somewhere here, because he moved in a really sexy, awesome way.

We got breakfast in the morning. He’s nuts about bagels (yes, he’s Jewish) so that’s what we did. I don’t usually eat breakfast, but I am willing to indulge someone who entertains me and Dr. Desire most certainly does. I wish he was in town longer!

Before he left, we made a plan to travel to the beach next weekend. I am pretty fucking excited!

Oh, and Mr. Knight has finally decided what to do. He bought a plane ticket to go see his sister on some island in Central America, and then he’ll head home to Tennessee. He was actually talking to his parents the other day and I got to hear his accent come out… so adorable! He’s a dear and I’ll miss him, but I’m also kind of happy to have my house back soon. A few more weeks…

Memories

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This week I stayed home and hung out with Mr. Knight. It didn’t seem worth the effort to go hunt down the boys, since the sex just isn’t exciting to me. The problem with spending too much time in the kink community is, it ruins you for vanilla sex. Don’t get me wrong- now and again I have had some vanilla sex that was pretty good and made me happy. It does happen. However, for the most part, it’s not as exciting as it should be.

I am a Switch, though I tend to be a Domme. What that means is, I tend to take charge of a situation, but in rare cases, I can submit to people that I deem worthy. So this week while I was watching Sherlock Holmes and drinking with Mr. Knight, I let my mind wander back to better sex and wonder about how to find someone new to play with so that I can sate the monster inside.

My favorite play partner in a long time, I shall call Mr. Bond. His job was in Military Intelligence, and we’ll leave it at that. It’s just that a spy named seemed appropriate since he really did join hoping to be James Bond. (Not that it worked out that way or anything, but you know; the thought was there.)

Mr. Bond was only twenty one when I met him, but brilliant. He solved puzzles incredibly quickly and managed to also have a good social IQ, which I find to be a very impressive combination of skills. More importantly, he had the quality I need in a Dom. He was the kind of person who focused completely on his partner while having sex. He was selfless, considerate, and able to pick up on the slightest change in breathing or movement of a limb- then extrapolate the meaning behind it. In other words, he could read my mind.

Oh course, one does not need to read my mind. I speak. I am very vocal about what I want in bed and everywhere else. However, the ability to read a lover’s mind is still really important in BDSM. What if they are tied up and gagged? You need to still be able to evaluate their responses so you can make sure they aren’t having a bad experience. I can do this, and I only submit to others who can do it too.

I can not tell you how much fun Mr. Bond was. He learned Shibari just because I asked him to. And, because he’s a genius at puzzles, he learned a bunch of knots in a single week. He came over one weekend and I mentioned that I’d like him to check it out to tie me up with. The following weekend he brought several lengths of silk rope over and showed me all the cool knots he’d learned. I guess he practiced by tying himself and things in his barracks up. I have never been more impressed with anyone in a BDSM sense than I was with Mr. Bond just then.

Because I grew up on the streets, I am often accused of being somewhat heartless and cold. I grew a tough exterior out of self-defense, but it has remained in place and it serves me well as a Domme. I tend to control a situation out of instinct, because in the past, things left to chance went very badly for me. I don’t know if it’s a flaw or not, but it’s very hard for me to drop the shell and be anything but a strong, powerful woman. To do it, I must be very impressed by the person I am with. That is a rare thing, and Mr. Bond is one of only two people I have ever submitted to. He was impressive enough that I found it very easy to fall at his feet.

Sadly, Mr. Bond left recently. Such is the nature of the military. They do not stick around long. Since then I have been trying to hunt up fun play partners, but even though I am looking through fetlife, I can’t seem to find anyone very kinky. Well, I guess Mr. Nice Guy is kinky… but I just can’t bring myself to beat him. And Mr. Uptight is on fetlife, but I can’t figure out why since he doesn’t seem kinky at all. I’ve tried to talk about it with him (and write extensive e-mails about it since he doesn’t seem okay with talking in person) but thus far, I can’t really get much out of him. Some people are so hard to talk to!

I will write a post some time about talking to your kinky partner. Scene negotiation is super-hard sometimes, because people are often embarrassed or have trouble talking about what they want. Getting them to talk is the key to having fun, so I have several methods I use to try to force people to communicate. I’ll devote a whole post to it soon.

For now, I guess I’ll just chill out and patiently wait until the Physicist gets here, because he sounds interesting.

Sex and movies

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The weekend is finally here!

First, I went to Mr. Nice Guy’s house (since I can’t bring anyone home just now with Mr. Knight living there). He’s such a dear! He bought my favorite whiskey to keep at his house, and downloaded my favorite movies. This should make me really happy. I mean, it does! People being nice to me is wonderful.

However, sometimes it’s obvious that someone is being nice because they are desperate for the approval of the people around them. That always makes me feel really icky, like there’s a scuff on my shoe that I’m not sure how to buff off.

Mr. Nice Guy and I talked about sex (finally!) He’s made it clear he’s looking for a Domme. I am mostly given to being a Domme, so it seems at first glace as though this is a brilliant match and we should both be happy. And yet, that’s not how this plays out.

I will try to explain, but I am aware that I might not be able to capture the essence of what I am saying.

So, my ideal submissive is proud. I like them young, smart, and willful. I want them to be cocky and full of themselves and sure that I’m lucky to have them as a pet. This is necessary for me, because then it feels justified when I beat them and abuse them both verbally and physically. I need to feel like there is a dynamic in which my submissive needs the pride beaten out of them, and I am doing the world a favor.

For me, there is nothing worse than a submissive who has no self esteem. It’s awful to beat someone and abuse someone who already hangs their head all the time and feels beaten by the world. It’s like kicking a sick puppy or something.

So of course, Mr. Nice Guy wants to be submissive. He is also someone who is still hung up on his ex-wife, gets walked on like a carpet because he is too nice, and has very little self-esteem. This is all the qualities I can not handle in a submissive. I didn’t have the heart to explain it that way though- because there’s no need to hurt someone who’s already broken. How could I tell him he evoked too much pity in me for me to beat him? That would only make the problem worse!

My solution was to say that I was actually also a submissive looking for a Dom. I looked as cute as I could and asked him if he would try to top me. I’m younger than him by half a decade and cute as hell- if I do say so myself. Maybe abusing me could give him some self-esteem? I didn’t know what else to do.

He wasn’t into it, and the subject was dropped. We watched Finding Nemo (one of my very favorite movies) and drank heavily. Later, he tried to push me up against a wall roughly, but it was so forced that I couldn’t get serious about kissing him back. It felt passionless and fake. We went to bed instead, and I actually slept pretty well on his too-soft bed.

In the morning, I went to go see Mr. Uptight on base. He’s not allowed to have people stay the night, but he can have guests during the day. I am SO very okay with having sex during the day right now, because there hasn’t been enough sex in my life lately. So he met me in front of the base and signed me on. We went back to his barracks while he babbled somewhat awkwardly (as he always does) and I told a few stories here and there.

As soon as we got inside I jumped him. I was all teeth and claws. It had been a little too long since I’d had sex and I’ve been wanting to rape Mr. Knight all week. I needed an outlet. Mr. Uptight squirmed a little and said ouch a bit. He doesn’t really like it rough. I was beyond caring though, because I was in a passionate and primal mood.

He still lays there like a High School girl when we fuck. I will make the excuse for him that he was in a motorcycle accident and he’s needed some surgery here and there on his leg. I know he’s in a lot of pain sometimes and maybe it’s hard for him to be on top. So, I never ask or force the issue. You’d think he could at least moan or something, though. But hey, whatever! I can always use the exercise, I suppose.

Unfortunately, I’m not one of those lucky girls who has a clit close to her vagina, so I can’t cum from having sex. That does make Mr. Uptight’s laziness frustrating because if he never goes down on me, I’m never going to get off when we have sex. It’s still enjoyable though- just to have sex. Penetration may not be my thing, but it still feels good.

I guess you could say that while chocolate ice cream is not my favorite, not everywhere has mango. And since I like chocolate, it’s not terrible to eat it. I’d just prefer mango. You know, if it was around.

I went home while the night was still young, though Mr. Uptight and I had sex several times during the day.

On the couch, waiting for me, was Mr. Knight. We poured drinks and watched the new Sherlock Holmes in an amiable silence, as we have been doing of late. His attempts at painting over the weekend littered the house, and before bed I said I liked them, in an attempt to bolster his self-esteem. I guess I really do hate people who don’t think highly of themselves after all. It must be some kind of hang-up of mine.

When I went upstairs, I made myself a profile on a dating site and sent some messages on a BDSM site. I am bored to tears with my sex life right now. I need a good, strong pet to beat the shit out of. Or at least, I need a fellow switch I can play some good scenes with. I hate when there’s not enough BDSM sex in my life. I feel so deprived and unfulfilled. Times like this really make me miss the dungeon back home. But, I said I was going to make this work, and so I shall. Looks like I’m resorting to online dating. And another weekend comes to a close for the Magically Delicious Super Slut.

My rape fantasy

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So far it’s awful having Mr. Knight here. I shouldn’t say that- because it’s always good to have a guy pal to play video games and drink beer and watch TV with. We’re actually having a blast in the sense that it’s all the things I like about having guy friends, but without the hassle of finding an excuse to hang out. That is always the annoying part when one has guy friends, you know? It’s nice to have those lazy Sundays drinking beer and watching TV, but it’s like you have to make a good excuse to have that because no one really feels like they’re allowed to go out of their way to make “guy time” without looking like a jerk or a pussy or some shit. There’s just a stigma there somehow…

Oh, and I guess I should explain that even though I am a girl, I identify as a boy. I always have. I just happen to live in a girl’s body, and it’s complicated. My sexuality is actually a long and boring mess. I could go into it in detail, but I won’t just now. Anyway, I like my guy time and Mr. Knight and I have fun. He’s a good geek pal to hang out with and I’m not going to fault him for needing to crash on my couch.

The real problem is the way Mr. Knight smells. As much of a guy’s guy as I am visually and emotionally and in most every way, my sense of smell is female and I am so turned on by the way Mr. Knight smells. It’s making me crazy.

His clothes are laying around and they smell like him. The bedding he uses is folded in the living room and it smells like him too. And when he hasn’t showered and he crawls up to the loft to talk… the urge to rape him is nearly impossible to control. He’d struggle because he’s still in love with his ex and he doesn’t want to get tangled up in my shit. But even when guys struggle and don’t want it, they still get hard because that’s just a reaction. Hell, the struggling would make it more hot. I’m strong and I could take him. I could tie him to the railing of the loft and suck him until he was hard, and then fuck him while he tried to get away…

Do you see the problem? This is what I have been having waking fantasies about. Who imagines raping their friend? I never thought of it before… but then I’d never noticed his smell before. It’s not like we’ve ever hugged or touched. We may have fist bumped once or twice to say hello or goodbye, but we usually maintain personal bubbles. Had he not moved in, I would never have known that this young, innocent little boy smelled so fucking amazing.

So now I can’t have Mr. Uptight or Mr. Nice Guy over because my one-bedroom split level apartment doesn’t have enough privacy. I also can’t have sex with Mr. Knight because it would be wrong (since he’s in love with someone else). It is now time to work out other options… I usually bring people to me because this is where my toys are. Now it would seem that travel is required.

Next weekend my plans are to go stay with Mr. Nice Guy on Friday night (he lives in an apartment) and then go see Mr. Uptight during the day (he lives on base and I can’t stay the night but I can visit…) We’ll see how play away from home works out for me…

Complication Arises

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So a friend is moving in. He split up with his girlfriend and he needs a place to crash. We’re geek pals who share reddit jokes and play D&D together, so I can’t say no. It is going to be awkward though, since my place is a split-level one-bedroom and sound carries all too well.

We shall call this friend Mr. Knight, because he truly wishes he were a knight in shining armor. He wants to be valiant and brave. Oh course the reality is that he’s shy and unlikely to rush to the defense of any fair maidens, but he is a knight in his mind.

This is a good time to explain my policy on sex.

See, I have boundary issues. I’m never really sure where the line between friend and lover is, or why there should be a line. In most cases, I’ll sleep with someone just to see what they are like in bed. It helps me get to know them, and feel closer to them. If there is chemistry; great! If there’s not, then at least I learned something. Unlike most people, I do not find it awkward to be around someone I have slept with, and no one is capable of feeling awkward around me because I am too damn comfortable with myself to let anyone be uncomfortable in my presence.

There are good reasons not to sleep with people though, even for a magically delicious super slut.

The first should be because they are married, right? I’ve been attacked by enough crazy women to know that I should always be careful of the married ones. And yet… if they don’t respect their wedding vows it’s hard for me to do so. I don’t know their wives and for all I know they’re making them up to seem unavailable. As such, the married guy thing is a grey area. It depends on the guy, I guess. Plus, some of them are married but in open relationships, so you can never be too sure what’s what there.

I guess the verdict on married guys is maybe.

Second is more important. This is a hard no. I will never sleep with anyone who is in love with someone else. They can have a crush. They can have a past. They can have a lot of things that don’t make me shy away. Yet, if they are truly in love with someone else, I will never ever sleep with them. This is because I need to feel like the most important person in someone’s life. I do sleep around openly and allow all my partners to do the same, but they always like me best. I am confident that if a man is seeing two women and one of them is me, he likes me better every time. I’m that good. On the other hand, if they’re in love then that’s a whole other thing that I won’t even mess with. One does not compete with hormones and chemicals that have evolved over thousands of years.

So a hard no to being in love with someone else.

Last is the business relationship. Let’s say I meet you and I know we can set shit off together. I know you have social value. Well- then we’re not going to have sex. I won’t risk mixing sex with business because sometimes people can get weird about both, and I like for things in my life to be as simple as possible. It seems that when you add one complicated thing to one other complicated thing, the level of complicated escalates several more orders of magnitude than it logically should- so no business and sex.

Of those reasons why I will never sleep with someone, Mr. Knight falls under the category of “in love with someone else.” He may be on the outs with his girl right now, but there is no question at all about who his heart belongs to. He is hers, and since they are both mostly sweet and innocent and not into MDSM, it’s best to leave them to each other (even if they are unhappy.)

I know I will catch a ration of shit for Mr. Knight living here. I know everyone will assume we are having sex because they know I have boundary issues. I am aware of how much this is going to suck for me, and yet, one does not turn down a fellow geek in need. So now to figure out how to keep all my sexy time confined to everyone else’s house.

Can’t wait to tell the boys about the new edition to my living room…

Meet the boys

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I feel in a bit of a funk as of late…

My religious pet whom I shall call Mr. Perfect was never going to be anything but a sexless coffee shop buddy. Oh sure- he’s tall, dark and handsome. He’s also desperately horny and barely hides it under all that awkward and overly-polite behavior. Yet, months of trying to talk some sense into him have failed utterly. It’s not just that he steadfastly believes in his god- it’s that he’s sure his god thinks sex is a terrible sin and he mustn’t do it unless he’s married. That’s problem for me, so we are at an impasse.

The thing about Mr. Pefect is; I really do enjoy his company. I adore fighting with him about his beliefs, and I would certainly do so much longer if he wasn’t moving back to California. It’s been a great year at coffee shops and language lessons. I even went with him to his church. Why not? It’s not as though I will burst into flames if I walk into one, (though I know some people who speculated that I would.)

Alas, there will never be any sex with Mr. Perfect. And now I have to say goodbye to him and it’s tearing me apart.

I did get him a parting gift though. It’s a book about a devil and an angel who become friends called “Good Omens.” I wrote on the inside cover that I adore him and always wanted him, but I doubt he’ll ever open the book. He’s the sort who borrows a book and then never gets around to reading it. Still, if he does, he’ll know that a wicked, wicked girl loved him. He was always terrified of me because of the fetish proms and stuff, and I knew deep down that I’d be unhappy if we ever got together because vanilla sex would bore me… but fantasies don’t make sense and I’ll miss dreaming of Mr. Perfect taking me in his arms and kissing me with those big, perfect lips.

He’s not the only one I want but can’t have either. I’m chasing a 20-year-old too, which should probably be against the law. The poor thing is far too young to realize what he’s being pursued by. I just can’t help myself though because he’s damaged as hell. He was molested by the babysitter and unloved by all his many step-parents and care-takers. He’s broken and it’s so attractive to someone like me who is also broken inside.

I’ll keep chasing Mr. Broken forever, but I’m starting to realize it’s not likely I’ll catch him. I think I’m older than the babysitter who molested him and, in any case, I can’t try too hard with someone who’s been raped. I know what that is like. So I keep him off to the sidelines and think of him as a random encounter (to use D&D terminology.) I do see his big, ice-blue eyes when I fall asleep sometimes though.

That only leaves me two others.

First there is Mr. Uptight. It’s not hard to convince him to have sex; it’s just not any fun. He’s impossibly frigid in bed- like a high school girl who just lays there and is afraid to even moan. I’m not really sure why, but my guess is that he’s got some serious thrill issues from watching dirty, dirty internet porn and he’s an engineer so naturally, he’s incapable of communicating. He could be having that crazy sex he wants. I’m about as twisted as they come. But I’m not a mind-reader and I’ll only put so much effort into trying to hear the words in someone’s head before I say “fuck it.” At least he has a 10-inch cock. That’s too big- if you ask me. However, since it seems the pain of thinking my vagina is going to be torn in half is all I am getting out of this, I may as well enjoy the novelty of it. One does not often get to fuck someone with a cock like a porn star.

I think the best part about fucking Mr. Uptight is seeing the Magnum wrappers all over the floor in the morning. I like when we have sex on the table, and then the chair or couch, and then in the morning there are little gold condom wrappers everywhere. That never fails to make me smile.

Then there is Mr. Nice Guy. As always when you have a bunch of boys around, I can see traits in him that would mesh well with traits in the others, if I was trying to make the perfect guy. Like, if I could slice them all apart and just take what I want, Mr. Nice Guy has some good qualities. He’s thoughtful, likes to give foot rubs and back massages, listens carefully and attentively to everything I say, and cares deeply. Also, he’s desperate for a mate (not just a lover) and the desperate wafts off him in a way that I find both appalling and cute.

Also, he’s very, very submissive and that always wigs me just a bit in guys. I love switches and I can handle submissive guys if they have pride. Mr. Nice Guy though… he mixes being a submissive with lacking self-confidence and it’s just too many types of desperate to handle at once. I’d be fine tying him up and beating him if I didn’t know he was unhappy- is all I mean.

Anyway the things about people is, the good is always offset by bad. There are no perfect people. So while they all have good qualities, they all have bad qualities too. I can’t just chop them up and take the bits I want, welding them together to make the perfect man. I am stuck using each of them for a small bit of what I want, and only being happy overall. This is why monogamy is bullshit. I hate the idea that I am supposed to get ALL THE THINGS from one person.

Anyway it feels like a bit of a funk lately, but I’m sure things will pick up again soon. They always do in my life.