Category Archives: Just thoughts

Of Ginger Bread and Holiday Cheer

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This is my first ever ginger bread house

This is my first ever ginger bread house

In my life, I have planned a lot of kink events. I am currently trying to organize a play party during my upcoming trip to South Korea (as an example.) And from fetish proms to munches, it’s often hard to figure out how to entertain people.

Well Friday I went to a fetlife munch in Portland where we made ginger bread houses. I missed America (it is my home after all!) And I really missed American holidays. I can not tell you how exciting it has been to be here for carving a pumpkin on Halloween, eating turkey on Thanksgiving, and now making a ginger bread house for Christmas.

This is not to say that Chuseok and Lunar New Year weren’t fun. They were. Korean holidays are lovely and there are beautiful cultural experiences to be had all over the world. But in the end, there really is no place like home for the holidays.

Anyway, this was one of the cooler munches I have been to and I thought it was a really awesome idea, so I had to share. Maybe others will see this post and get inspired to throw their own ginger bread house munch someday.

Happy Holidays to all the kinksters out there!

All the pretty houses together

All the pretty houses together

Danger! Or maybe not…

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trent

Sometimes I wonder what growing up in the kink community has done (if anything) to my ability to sense danger.

For the most part, I feel like the kink community has done positive things like teaching me to be less discriminatory and forcing me to have a more open mind. But, I wonder if it also has made it hard for me to know when someone is dangerous.

I ask because of two friends.

The first, pictured above, is Trent Benson. For many years I hung out with him on slow Sunday nights. Sometimes he came in on Saturdays too. I worked at a bar, and he was a customer who talked to me more than most, and who slowly became a friend. I trusted Trent. He was a nice guy and a single dad. He owned a water store and he seemed like a hard worker. Right up until the day the got arrested (three years after I met him), I thought he was a nice guy.

But Trent wasn’t a nice guy. In fact he raped and murdered a bunch of women in the town where we lived. And you know what is fucked up about it? When I found out he got the death penalty my first reaction was to be sad. After all, he was my friend.

Sometimes I worry that my judgement is off. Sometimes I worry that I am worse than most at picking out the bad people in a crowd.

Do you ever feel that way?

Anyway, I have this other friend. He talks often about how much he loves to hurt girls. He likes to see them cry, and he likes to wrap his hands around their necks. He’s a sadist and he’s proud of it. He talks a lot about the girls he has hurt and how much he enjoys it.

Sound like a bad guy?

Because he doesn’t to me. He’s just another Dom that I am friends with. Just another person in the BDSM community. Years of experience have conditioned me to think “harmless” of violent people who like to hurt others.

So what I am saying is; sometimes I wonder if I should ever trust my judgement about people. 98% of the time I am proud to be part of the kink community and I think we’re wonderful people who are more tolerant and open-minded than the vanilla folks. But sometimes… just sometimes… I wonder if some of the effects the community has on a person can be negative.

Maybe no one can pick a serial killer out of a crowd. Maybe the people who cringe at sadists are wrong to do so and I am right.

But as Trent’s execution nears… I wonder. I can’t help but think that maybe other people found him creepy. Maybe other people could tell, or had a sense that he was bad. And maybe my “danger” sense is dulled because I know that one can be creepy, and also healthy and well-adjusted. One can like to hurt people, but always do it with consent to someone who enjoys it. And I know that the desire to hurt people isn’t always bad.

It just makes me wonder.

Mesa police searching Trent's house after his arrest at my bar.

Mesa police searching Trent’s house after his arrest at my bar.

Genders

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eye

My friend shared a story about genders which got me thinking.

At the few Portland kink events I have been to there have been a lot of gender neutral people there. The first job I took here I worked with a person whose chosen name was Robin and who was trying to transition into a female.

In some places, this is acceptable behavior. Portland, New York, and a few of the more liberal places on Earth allow people to be more flexible about gender.

That’s good, in my opinion, as two genders isn’t enough to describe everyone.

I am a guy. I mean, my body is female and all. But in my head I am and always have been a guy. There are actually structural differences between male and female brains. I am not being sexist. The genders really are different. And nothing about the inside of my head is female.

However, I would never choose to transition.

At first I thought I might feel that way because I grew up in conservative places like Arizona where it wasn’t socially acceptable. But over time I have realized that even in liberal places where it would be socially okay to transition; I wouldn’t make that choice.

This is nothing against people who do make the choice. I’m not saying they are wrong, and I’m not saying they aren’t brave.

All I am saying is; I’m not one of them any more than I am a normal girl. I am something else. And there aren’t words in English to describe it.

The Navajo have four different genders and maybe growing up near their reservation influenced me. But I think I agree with the article my friend shared. There are more than two genders. It’s nice that the kink community embraces this.

Variety is the Spice of Life

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business_diversity_469779

I was reading a blog on NPR about race preferences in dating. The claim is that men favor Asian women, and women favor white men.

I had never really given the subject much thought before. If the stats say it’s true, then I suppose it probably is. But I would guess this is less prevalent in the kink community.

I dated a black girl who looked amazing in vinyl and had the softest hair. I dated a blonde, because every now and then you need a blonde. I’ve been with Mexican girls, a Malaysian girl, European girls, and I even had sex with a hooker in Thailand. (This is just to name a few, because as my blog name implies, my sexual history is a very long list.) And the only thing I can promise you is that race never really entered into it. I love a kinky, attractive girl. But I never stopped at Club Desire in Seoul and thought “Boy, I am glad this sex club is all Korean women.”

The reason I think this is true is that for folks in the community, kink is the biggest factor. Is someone kinky? Great! That makes them attractive. Does their kink match ours? Super! Now they’re more attractive! And race is just so far down the list of deciding factors that it never actually enters into the decision.

But I want to know, by private message or comment on this blog; do you think this study applies to you? Do you agree with the idea that attraction is subconsciously and inherently racist?

Because I think those of us in the kink community are less racist than the general population would seem to be.

diversity

Geeks are Sexy

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Dungeons and Dragons

Dungeons and Dragons

Over the years, I have noticed a few things. One: Intelligence is really sexy. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate clever subs with cool things to talk about between scenes. Two: Most of the people I know in the scene are some flavor of geek.

Sure, some are into Dungeons and Dragons, while others are more into engineering. I have met all sorts of cool people in the community from my friend who is a particle physicist to my friend who is an IT guy. There are so many awesome people I have met, and most of them enjoy a good game of Munchkin or kicking it and watching Star Trek.

So, I just wanted to give a shout out this week to those of us who are kinky and geeky. Don’t forget; geeks are sexy!

Cosplay!

Cosplay!

Paying for Sex

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gty_stripclub_mi_130205_wg

Disclaimer:

My European friends (and many of my Asian friends) will argue that there is nothing wrong with having sex with a hooker. To them, it is a well-established industry with girls who choose to have sex for money. They do not see it as inherently wrong.

As a side note; they do laugh at the idea of strip clubs, (which is a United States invention as far as I can tell.) I haven’t encountered them anywhere else in the world except Mexico, and then mostly in towns along the boarder where people from the US can go to them. The rest of the world seems puzzled at the idea of paying a woman to tease you.

Point is; I imagine most of my readers are from the United States of America. That means they think naked girls teasing you is fine, but having sex with them is dirty. I don’t know how the line came to be drawn there. I am certainly not agreeing or disagreeing about where a country draws its lines about the sex industry. I just want to say in the disclaimer that I do not think hookers are “bad.”

05_Flatbed_1 - NOVEMBER

However, this story took place when I was 19 and going through a bad breakup, and no one should do any of the things in it. I am only writing about it because someone told me that paying girls to have sex is a somewhat common fetish, and of the two hookers I have slept with, this is the one that is easier to talk about.

The story begins with me and some friends driving down to Mexico one hot summer day. We were headed for a beach, and hoping to get into some trouble if we could. I think when you are 19, trouble is your idea of fun. It was myself and four guys I knew. Also, there was one girlfriend along for the ride. We were in a huge SUV.

That night we went from strip club to strip club. But of course, in Mexico they’re not exactly “strip clubs” like in the USA because they are not regulated by the government. That means the girls can choose to quote you a price for anything you might want, and you can choose to pay it. In Mexico prostitution is technically illegal. However, they were having trouble at the time with the Federal police doing more extorting of the government than actual police work. So, the laws were more like suggestions at that time.

strip-club-584

Anyway, one of the boys I was with gave one of the strippers a large sum of money to have sex with me. He did not tell me this in advance. I had no idea what was going on when a very attractive Latino girl walked up to me completely naked and started to kiss me. I was drunk, baffled, and pretty amused. After a bad break up, a hot girl coming onto you even in dubious circumstances is sort of welcome. (Also, I had the judgement of a 19-year-old.)

Because we had been at the beach all day, I was in a bikini and a hip wrap. At first she didn’t mess with my clothes much, other than to stick her hand inside my bikini bottom and start playing with my clit.

I guess I could have stopped her, but there is a sort of natural response that happens to a person who likes women, and who is confronted with a naked woman trying to arouse them. I really didn’t think too far into what was going on or why. I just sort of leaned back and let her play with me. She moved my bikini top out of my way to suck on my nipples. kissed my neck, and caressed me all over. Eventually she moved my bikini bottom out of the way and started to lick me.

After about 10 minutes of this, I felt myself getting close and I started to scream. Then, I had this amazing orgasm that lasted for what seemed like forever. I remember looking down at her and seeing her smile, as though she was very pleased with herself.

However, it’s after the orgasm that the alcohol clears out of your brain and the arousal goes away, and suddenly things become very clear. Here is what I saw:

I had been on a chair in the corner of the bar, behind a table. Someone had moved the table, and a whole lot of people were staring at me. Oops! Not my first time having sex in front of people I guess, but certainly my first time doing it in public. I slunk out of the bar shortly after, as you would imagine.

strip-club1

Yes of course I get jealous!

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A2G2186

I am currently in a lot of relationships.

I love all of my relationships, even the ones that are sort of paused at the moment due to distance. But I don’t think love requires sexual fidelity.

First, let’s talk about what a monogamous couple calls cheating. This can be simple: No sex acts with someone else. However, my daughter-in-law says it’s also looking at other women, or at porn. I had a friend whose girlfriend thought masturbating was cheating. Yikes!

Let’s say for the sake of argument that porn isn’t “cheating” per se. Let’s call it a grey area, along with looking at other women. We’ll say actual “cheating” in a monogamous relationship is just about committing sex acts with someone else.

(I think this also raises other problems. Falling in love without sex seems like it should fall under the category of “cheating” too; but is it? Some say yes and some say no.)

Either way, I hope we can all agree that choosing only one partner seems terribly unfair to people who are bi.

For examples, some girls are bi and wouldn't be happy without one of each!!

For examples, some girls are bi and wouldn’t be happy without one of each!!

I happen to like girls and boys. What if I want one of each? To be a happy monogamous person, I must choose one gender ONLY and stick with it? That sounds awful!

I hate how there is an ideal version of “love” in people’s eyes. Go ahead. Google image search something simple like “couples in love” and notice that at least the first page of pictures is all one man and one woman together. Why do we feel the need to define love in this way? It makes me as mad as the first time I did a Google image search for “happy families” and realized that every picture on the first page was of white people.

couple

But let me be clear; being poly doesn’t mean I don’t get jealous. I’m human, and I do get jealous. It’s how humans are. I just think relationships can be more complex than the urge to scream “He’s mine bitch, get away!”

Jealous is a small part of what I feel when a lover of mine has sex with someone else. But there are other feelings there, and they are stronger. For example, at Club Desire when I am watching Pet have sex, I forget all about jealousy and it doesn’t even enter my mind. I’m too busy being proud of how sexy he is and how many girls want to play with him. I like to call him “My little slut” because he really IS a slut, even if most of the people he’s dated never knew that. (No, you shouldn’t keep secrets and I have told Pet that he is bad for sometimes lying to a girl about her being “the only one.”)

The point is; I am often too busy being amused or aroused to think about jealousy. And when I am geographically separated, I am too busy being grateful that someone I love doesn’t feel alone and sad.

I guess the answer to the questions I have received about jealousy is this: Yes, I get jealous because I am a human being. But there are other feelings that are stronger because I am not a monkey. I’m sorry if that sounds rude, but one of my favorite Youtube videographers put it best: (And I promise if you get to the end of this video you won’t regret it.)

Social Conventions Are Dicks

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The traditional kiss picture

The traditional kiss picture

Until I got married, I had no idea how deeply the traditions surrounding marriage were rooted in everyone’s minds. I have spent most of my life in an alternative culture, and I was so very unprepared for how my vanilla friends, (and even some of my kink friends), reacted to the news that I was signing a piece of paper which they all seem to consider wildly significant.

My attempts to explain why I felt so different were wordy and sounded pompous.  Perhaps I can narrow it down in writing.

I hate this tradition

I hate this tradition

The first thing that was hard to get a handle on was all the tradition. It seems that every single woman I know has dreamed of someday wearing a white dress. I have not had this dream. Worse, I didn’t know that my lack of enthusiasm about a dress would actually upset people. Clearly, I had NO idea what a big deal wedding dresses were. (Maybe I’m an asshole for wearing black slacks and a T-shirt to my wedding. Maybe not. But I think that decision is up to me and my husband.)

I hate the cake in the face tradition too. I don’t care how old it is or why it started. I don’t need a cake, and I don’t need a cake shoved in my face.

And all the words that people usually speak at ceremonies make me nuts, like: The wife promises to love, honor, and obey her husband. Really? Obey? I think not.

All the social conversions surrounding marriage, right down to the idea that you need a public ceremony ALL piss me off.

Another example of my problem with stereotypes is the confusion about how a D/S relationship and a marriage can be going on at the same time. In an effort to understand the concept, my vanilla friends and some of my kinky ones took to calling Pet “the Wife.”

Now first of all, I don’t like how “wife” means the weaker person who is the maker of sandwiches and the bringer of beer. This is an awful and old stereotype that I would really like for society to move past.

In addition, Pet and I are on 100% even footing when we are not doing a scene. I would never ask him to make me a sandwich, and he would never ask me to make him one. We respect each other and we recognize each other as equals. Look; what I’m saying is that it evens out and there is no power dynamic between us outside of scenes. So basically, allowing that I think “the wife” meaning the submissive one is bullshit, the fact is that neither of us is “the wife.”

Again, social conventions are dicks.

And of course; rings

And of course; rings

This next bit will probably offend all the girls. Feel free to stop reading now, so as to avoid the urge to do angry things to me.

<rant>

Diamonds are a dick-measuring contest for girls. They all look at each other’s rock to see who has the bigger bit of shiny on their finger, and I hate this.

First, I don’t do the dick-measuring thing. I am not so insecure that I need to compare myself to someone else. I live up to my own standards and no one else gets a say in my value as a human.

Why it bugs me even more is because women do not buy themselves these rings. They actually base their self-worth on what they got someone else to buy them. Think about how awful that is for just a second! The measure of yourself is not your own ability to produce and contribute. The measure of yourself (if you are female) is meant to be the amount you can force someone else to value you at. An engagement ring is asking someone to assign worth in money to you as a person.

</rant>

I am sorry, female readers. I know that you’re going to want to tell me that it’s meant to be a sign of love and devotion and that if you really loved someone, even a small diamond would make you happy. I do see that side of it; but I think it is largely overshadowed by more negative things.

sex-starved-marriage-2

Oh, and the number one thing that pissed me off about getting married: The assumptions about sex.

I heard so much “Oh, your best sex is behind you now” teasing from people. And look, if you think that’s funny- you’re wrong. There is nothing funny about associating the concept of marriage with the idea of bad sex. It’s not okay, and you all need to stop that shit right now. I will continue to have sex with who I like, and with my husband. And I will LOVE it, if for no other reason than to spite the people who told me that good sex doesn’t happen within the confines of a marriage.

We’re still going to be poly, as we have always been. We’ll fall in and out of love with people, as we always have. And we’ll have lots of awesome sex with each other, too. I see no reason this should ever change. And don’t tell me things get stale in the bedroom after so many years. I have a boy I have kept around for almost 15 years now, and I have never gotten tired of fucking him. Seriously, every time I know I am going to see him I look forward to the sex. If anything, it has gotten better and better as we’ve gotten to know each other more and more.
So the point is this:

This is just my opinion, but I think marriage should be whatever you want it to be. You negotiate the terms for yourselves, and you create what kind of affiliation you want. I think every marriage should be free of past stereotypes and traditional expectations.

I got married. I’m glad I did it and I love my husband. But the process itself was a nightmare. I really wish society as a whole could agree to give this marriage thing a big makeover. Let’s not force others to do it the way we think it’s done, or the way we saw it in a movie. Let’s respect everyone’s rights to make their own traditions and their own rules about what a marriage is.

The Magical Slut Turns One

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cake

Well kinky kiddos, it’s been one year since I started The Magically Delicious Super Slut. I hope I’ve provided some insight or entertainment over the last year. At the very least, I hope I have provided some useful erotica stories to give you crazy kids ideas. I’m always fond of saying that a wise person keeps their mouth shut as often as possible, and writing this blog went against every instinct I had. But, some people told me I should do it, and over time, others have convinced me it’s a worthwhile endeavor.

So as of now, I am going to consider this experiment a success, and I will keep writing kinky stories and tips and sharing things with you.

It just so happens that it is also my real-life birthday (as I started the blog last year around my birthday time.) So happy birthday to my blog, and happy birthday to me. Here’s to another great year!

The Birthday Hat is what made me HAVE to post this!

The Birthday Hat is what made me HAVE to post this!