Anal Sex Tips

October 27, 2015 by magicallydelicioussuperslut

Recently I found myself asked about how to approach anal sex, from the perspective of a female planning to peg a male. First, I would suggest hygiene. Some people go as far as have their submissive do an enema beforehand, which is helpful but not required. However, a shower is definitely called for beforehand, and it doesn’t hurt to shave or trim hair in the pubic area as well.

It is also a good idea to suggest that your submissive use a butt plug for several weeks prior to actually trying to peg them, because they need to get used to the sensation. That’s because being relaxed is really important, and new sensations can be scary and cause people to tense up.

Remember to take it slowly, and use lube on both the dildo and your submissive as well. Don’t rush, because tearing is painful and can cause infection. As long as you both remember to stay relaxed, you should have lots of fun!

Play Suggstions

October 18, 2015 by magicallydelicioussuperslut

I get a lot of requests for suggestions on what to do with a submissive once they are tied up. To start, before you tie them up, it’s nice to start with petting, hair pulling, neck and ear biting, and running your hands along their body in a firm way. This starts putting them into sub space and getting them in the mood.

If you use rope to tie your submissive and need any help with that, Twisted Monk is the best! They have instructional videos and helpful hints.

For me, I am lazy and like to use gear ties, because they are quick and easy. Also, the rubber is soft and doesn’t leave any marks, but the steel cable inside is strong and nearly impossible to break.

If possible, I prefer a hard point in a doorway or a low arch. This is because I enjoy having the submissive’s hands out of the way, with access to both their front size and back size. A hard point would be something simple like an eye hook screwed deep into a stud in your wall.

You can also tie their arms in front of them (in which case you may want to tie their arms and feet together and then to each other just for fun.) Or, you can tie their arms in back. Depending on how you tie them, you will have access to different parts of their body, so think about which parts you want to play with first, and remember to switch it up a few times during the night so they don’t get sore from being tied in one position too long.

When you have their hands above them or in front of them, that is a good time to try flogging and spanking. For flogging, remember to use a figure eight motion, and to start light and build in intensity as you go. Be careful to aim for the thickest fleshiest bits so that you won’t accidentally wrap the tails of the flogger around the submissive’s body, as this can amplify the force and cause the flogger to cut into the flesh.

For spanking, you also want to be sure to focus on the fleshy parts. I think it’s fun to ask submissives to either count how many times I hit them, or to ask to be hit again after each stroke. I like to think that kink is as much in a person’s head as it is outside. So, if they have to say “Thank you Mistress, may I have another?” after each stroke, it adds to the intensity of the experience.

If your scene involves sex, it’s good to change positions after play. For females, I like to use a vibrator on them (if they can orgasm from that) and if not, use my fingers or tongue to get them off. Once a female has an orgasm, they are much more open to different ideas. If your submissive is male, you wouldn’t want to let them have an orgasm because men tend to fall asleep after. But for females, you will definitely get more enthusiastic participation in any scene if you make sure they have an orgasm first.

Remember, talk to your submissive about what gets them off! Don’t just assume. Women are all very different, and this can sometimes make it a struggle to please them. That’s why you need to communicate. If you want to try some creative toys to help you, I recommend Doctor Exreme for some off-the-beaten-path ideas.

Remember that before sexual contact it is always a good idea to get an STD test from them first, because many STDs are spread through skin-to-skin contact and so a condom will not be enough to protect you (unless it’s one of those full-body condoms from Eastern Europe.)

Also remember that not all scenes include sex; some are just play. Make sure your submissive agreed to sexual contact before you initiate it.

And finally, these are just a few ideas, although you can also have a lot of fun with butt plugs, riding crops, and canes; to name a few things. Whatever you do, as always, keep it safe, sane, and consensual.

Women and Sex

October 14, 2015 by magicallydelicioussuperslut

This is not a kink post. This one is for everyone. I recently read this article, called “A Women’s Right to Say Meh.” And now I feel obligated to reiterate something I have said before, but which most men still don’t know.

Women do not cum from penetration.

It’s not that it doesn’t feel nice. It can. But it’s not how we get off. And I am so sick of men thinking that it is. Let’s examine a scenario:

A man and women find themselves deciding to have sex. The man is pushy about taking the lead (which pretty much always happens) and does a few things he considers foreplay in order to build to what he thinks of as sex, which is the penetration part. He sticks it in and thrusts until he gets off, and then whispers to the girl “Did you cum?”

(Most girls just read that and saw red as they remembered how much they hate that moment of sexual frustration and jealousy and misery right after.)

This plays out in bedrooms across the planet every day, and just writing that made me want to go punch a random dude in the face because I am so mad that this is still a thing.

I don’t even have sex with guys anymore if they can’t tell me how a women gets off. I just laugh and tell them no. This makes it look like I don’t like sex; and that’s not true. I love sex. But I want to have an orgasm too, or what is the point?

The sexist thing a man ever said to me while text-flirting on a dating site was: “I want to tear your clothes off and lick you’re pussy until you cum all over my face.”

(I still get a little wet just thinking about it.)

That demonstrated not only an understanding of female orgasm, but an enthusiasm for it. He wanted to do a thing to please me, and of course, that made me want to do things to please him.

Women are all different, so some of us can be kind of complicated. Female genitalia is not standardized, and so some of us like our labia played with, while some of us find it annoying. Some of us are okay with you using a finger in our ass while you lick our clit, and some of us are not. Different things feel good to different women. But the universal fact is that the sex organ we have which causes us to orgasm is simply NOT in our vagina. It’s not. Honestly. Look at an anatomy book. The clitoris is very real, and it lives above the vaginal opening. And if you don’t directly stimulate it, the woman you are playing with is not going to have an orgasm.

When I tell most men this, they get angry. They insist that their ex could cum from penetration and that I am just being difficult. This is unfortunate, because it falls back to basic instincts, and how under it all women are just afraid to offend a man’s masculinity (a thing he defends with his life) and admit that they didn’t “get off” from his repeated thrusting. Well look; of course women can’t cum if you don’t stimulate the thing that causes that to happen. If I rub your toe over and over but never touch your penis, will you get off? No? Well there you have it. Plain and simple.

Often when women say no to sex, it is not because of the cultural nonsense that brands them a “whore” if they have sex and enjoy it. Many women are over the stupid social connotations and are willing to admit that sex is fun and they want to do it. But that doesn’t mean they want to have bad sex. If it’s just going to suck, what is the point?

I think we have all had enough moments where we lay in bed next to a guy who has just got off from pounding our pussy, and he’s happy and euphoric from orgasm; and we want to stab him in the throat because he says “Did you get off?”

No. No we did not. We don’t just magically get off without help.

And some of the guys that know women don’t cum from penetration still consider it the woman’s responsibility. They say things like “why aren’t you touching yourself?” during penetration. Guys, for the record: Unless your penis is very, very tiny, I cannot masturbate while you’re thrusting. You’re in my way.

And who would want a repeat performance with a guy who thought he was “good in bed” because he told you to masturbate while he was busy trying to get himself off? My god! I would rather be at home by myself with a nice book or some porn and my toys. The whole point of having you there is supposed to be to make the experience better for me than it could have been if I was by myself. If you can’t do that, then why would I want you there?

The simple fact is that most men suck in bed.

That’s right guys. Most of you are awful. And unless you get better, there is no reason for us to want to have sex with you. If a girl seems “meh” about sex when you bring it up, that is probably because you didn’t bring it up in a way that appeals to her. So read some stuff online, look at a diagram of female genitalia, and learn how to please a woman. Then, let her know that you know how and that you are willing to do it every time.

My very fondest memories of nights spent with a man was a guy who insisted that he wanted to get me off at least twice before “the penetration part.” Sometimes we never got to that part. Sometimes he would be exhausted after my second orgasm and just curl up with me and fall asleep. He was one of those rare guys who loves to watch other people squirm; a people pleaser who saw the female orgasm as a fun puzzle to solve. He was happy just making me happy, and for that, I would have followed him to the ends of the Earth and walked through fire to make him happy. Because, when a woman finds a man who is actually good in bed, she will do anything to keep him.

I once heard this piece of advice given to a boy:

“Now look; a women doesn’t want a man around all the time. Sometimes they find you an annoyance, because they would rather be in sweat pants eating ice cream with their girlfriends. A woman can easily find another man, and so she considers him replaceable. She’ll walk right out the door on you. But if you can please a woman in bed, she’ll have her hand on the doorknob, and she’ll turn around and decide to stay.”

This is true. In High School I was the girl dating the one guy who knew how to give good oral sex, and every girl in school tried to steal him from me once I opened my big mouth and told them about it.

Other guys at the school were confused. They had seen him in the locker room and, because they think women care about big penises, were always saying “but he’s got a small dick, why do they like him?” The answer, of course, was that the tongue that knows what it is doing is worth a hundred giant dicks. We can get a dildo for that part. We don’t need an actual man. But no sex toy made replaces the feel of gentle tongue stokes across the clit.

So anyway, because I have been trying to date lately and I have run into a few guys who are obviously clueless about the female orgasm, there it is guys. We don’t cum from your penis, so please stop assuming that we do and learn how to eat pussy.

Thank you!

Generally Accepted Terms

October 3, 2015 by magicallydelicioussuperslut

I have lamented before that every community used different terminology for different things, and how this can be confusing if you travel a lot. Every scene has their own inside jokes. However, there definitely are some terms that are generally accepted in all scenes, and it’s important to get them right. People can’t make informed and consensual decisions if they are not properly informed of what is going to happen, after all. And we do always strive for safe, sane, and consensual fun.

Munch: A munch is when a group of kinky folks get together in a vanilla setting. This often involves going somewhere that serves food, so the term “munch” refers to that. However, I have also attended munches at theme parks, disused prisons, and various other interesting locations.

Note: When you agree to go to a munch, you are expected to dress vanilla unless otherwise specified. It is mostly about getting a chance to meet people, and it is generally assumed that the discussion of kink will be saved for more private areas where no one can be overheard and “outed” by accident to a co-worker of family member.

Workshop: This is when someone who has some sort of area of expertise chooses to teach the basics to others. This is generally in a private space, like a home or rented club. Dress as specified, because sometimes a group doesn’t want to attract attention, and will ask for vanilla dress. My favorite workshop that I have attended was at a public dungeon called the CSPC, and again, this was strictly for learning purposes. Play is not on the table for such events.

Note: When you agree to go to a workshop, you realize there will be frank discussions about kink-related things. A good presenter usually makes handouts, and sometimes brings another person to demonstrate a specific thing (for proper flogging techniques, I might bring my husband and demonstrate on him.)

Play Party: For a play party, you can expect it to be at a private home because most are. Usually you will be invited to bring your own toys, and other people will bring theirs. It is okay to actually use the toys, and sometimes toys can be shared between consenting folks, so make sure to bring cleaning agents if you plan to bring toys and loan them out. Again, you may be asked to dress vanilla so as not to attract attention to the house of the host, or you may be invited to dress in kink attire. Always ask.

Note: When you agree to go to a play party, you are obviously consenting to seeing people naked. After all, a good flogging session doesn’t involve clothes. You will see other people playing. Note that you must always give a decent amount of space for a scene, so the Dom has room to swing things and not hit you. Remember that it is never okay to interrupt someone else scene or try to involve yourself if you were not invited, and it is never okay to touch someone else’s toys without permission.

Orgy: These can be at swinger’s clubs like The Velvet Rope and Club Desire, or they can be at a private home. Generally it is expected that you will bring condoms (regardless of your gender) and that you will follow the same rules as a play party in terms of respecting someone’s space unless invited. Even at an orgy, rape is still not okay. Dress, again, depends on the host. Many people who host parties do not want their neighbors to know, so vanilla clothing is often expected.

Note: Going to an orgy does not mean you consent to sex. You can just go and watch. People are still expected to respect your personal space unless invited into it, and you should still negotiate all scenes before they take place. You are consenting to see people naked, but this does not mean you have to be naked. Remember to give everyone space and, as was the motto of Club Sesso, “Don’t be a creep.”

Remember: If you organize events, you need to use the correct terms. People need to know what they are consenting to in advance. You do not want to create an atmosphere where people feel uncomfortable, because this reflects poorly on the community as a whole, and no one should want to do that.

Easy Erotic Engineering

May 6, 2015 by magicallydelicioussuperslut

A few years back I met a guy in Seoul who was there as a visiting scientist helping the Korean government with a project. We dated while he was in Korea, and it was lot of fun. He had a PHD and was a really interesting person to drink with.

When he left Korea, he decided to quit his job at the University where he worked, and instead help people have better and more creative orgasms.

His first project, the X-1, was a new approach to vibrator technology. Later, the Ambrosia Vibe created a new way for women who like women or who peg men to experience sex.

His latest project, however, is the coolest one yet. It’s called the Master Beta Kit. It’s a vibrator kit with a arduino, and simple instructions on how to program the vibrator to do different things. This is erotic engineering for all the geeks who dabble in kink and programming! (Like my husband, for one.)

I am really excited to see how this project goes, and what Doctor Xtreme comes up with in the future. Never a dull moment with a PHD-turned-sex-toy-maker!

Negotiating Rules in Poly Relationships

March 29, 2015 by magicallydelicioussuperslut

A friend of mine who is in a ploy marriage recently posted on a social networking site to tell people how he handles his relationship, because so many people had asked.

Meanwhile, I am currently working on negotiating a play relationship with another married person who is also poly, and they have very different rules than my husband and I do.

This made me think that a discussion of common rules in poly relationships was called for.

First, here are some common rules:

1. No spending the night with anyone but the emotional primary.

2. No interaction between the secondary partner and any children.

3. All information on relationships outside the primary should be shared upon request.

4. STD tests must be traded with any potential partners before any sexual activity.

5. Emotional primary must meet and approve secondary partners.

Now as I said, these are common rules. It just so happens that my husband and I don’t follow most of these, since we’re not terribly concerned about things like spending nights away from each other now and then.

We do strictly follow the STD testing rule, but that is because we are both STD-free and trying to keep it that way as long as we live.

We don’t have children together, and I know that for me personally, I am more comfortable not interacting with a secondary’s children. My play partner in Oregon had three children that I never met, because I requested not to. The person I am currently in negotiations with also has a child, and I have been uncomfortable when he has brought his child along to meet-ups. I have nothing against children, and I love my son (though he is grown up and on his own now.) However, it feels unfair (to me!) to interact with someone else’s children in case they get attached (as children often do.) My secondary relationships are contingent on where we live, and as my husband is military, we move a lot. I don’t want to form a bond with a child that I won’t know for very long.

However, I leave it up to my husband if he wants to interact with potential play-partner’s children or not. I feel it is a personal choice and I don’t have much of a right to tell him what to do.

For us, we have a strict rule that we come first to each other, and that is the only rule besides the STD testing that I feel matters to me. Some poly couples are upset by the idea of their emotional primary developing feelings of love for another person, but I have never found that to be a concern for me. Loving another person is fine. However, because trust is so important to us, and because we are a team and are supposed to have each other’s backs, I would be hurt if my husband put someone before me when I needed him.

Again, these rules are different for everyone. And for my husband and I, it has depended on if we were in the same place or not. I might ignore a message from him when we live apart if I am on a date, which would seem to the casual observer to be putting someone else before him. But to us, when we live apart, it’s important to be where you are. And so, I would chat with him after my date instead, telling him as many or as few details as he wanted.

If you are not sure what you are comfortable with and what you want in a relationship, there are a lot of books that can help. My favorite is Opening Up, because it has worksheets and detailed explanations of common emotions people experience in various situations.

I think the most important part is to be honest with yourself. Emotions are tricky things that can sneak up and bite you when you aren’t looking. Take some time to really get to know yourself, because it will help you decide in what ways you are comfortable interacting with another person.

Then, remember to be honest with your partner. If you want to change a point that you have already negotiated, let them know how and why you want to change it, and have a discussion about comfort zones.

Remember to always be respectful of your partner’s feelings and your own. If they want to spend the night with someone and you are not okay with that, don’t sit at home and stew about how angry you are! Be honest with them, and talk about why this limit is important to you.

(For me, I am fine with him spending the night places, but not with girls spending the night at our house unless the three of us intend to play together.)

Take each other’s feelings into account in each step of the dating process, and try to always make sure that your partner isn’t just saying that they are okay when they really aren’t.

Of course you will have situations where you get really angry. Your emotional primary will not always see things the same way as you. You might even get angry enough to yell! But this is normal, and sometimes it can’t be helped. There are not standardized rules for these types of relationships, and there is no traditional script. A normal monogamous relationship is full of reinforced cultural bias that seems to lurk in every sitcom, book, or story of any kind. And these cultural stereotypes create a model for a relationship, so that you are rarely stepping outside of a paradigm that feels safe.

In a poly relationship, you are often stepping out of your comfort zone and into all kinds of territory that is strange and uncharted. So take it one day at a time and figure out what works for you. Be patient with yourself and with your partner. As long as you can always do that, you should be fine.

BDSM Porn

March 17, 2015 by magicallydelicioussuperslut

Since the release of a certain novel that began as Twilight fan fiction, many people have started to become curious about BDSM. This has led to a lot of questions about where to get good BDSM porn.

Sadly, I have to tell you that I don’t know. Sure, there are books for that sort of thing like the Sleeping Beauty Series. And there are instructional books too.

However, when you start looking into porn for some fetishes (say a female domme who is not a bitch to her subs) you tend to come up empty-handed.

If you are a male, and you are into dominating females, then you can find all the things you want at kink.com.

But if you are most other kinds of kinky, there isn’t much out there for you. And in pretty much all BDSM porn I have seen, the participants are mean to each other. I don’t happen to think that dynamic is always fun, because BDSM can also be very sensual and loving and it doesn’t get enough credit for that.

And what if you are a female that likes to objectify men in the same way that women are traditionally objectified in modern media? There isn’t really any porn for you. After all, that’s not something the people who make porn would ever think of (I mean, they are all men!)

So what do you do if you are looking for some BDSM porn that involves a loving couple with a healthy power-balance?

Well, there are sites like Literotica that offer a variety of kinky stories to read. Usually in there you will find the stuff you are probably looking for (more cute rope scenes and less clown porn with handcuffs.)

But if you’re looking for video it’s a good chance you are out of luck.

I like to hope that as BDSM becomes more main stream, we might see more porn that is actually representative of our relationships. But then, vanilla folks don’t really get that right now, and they are the defining element of the mainstream.

Hopefully you find something out there that is something like what you want. But I think for us kinky folks, the best porn is real life, because often we have more satisfying sex than anything you can find online. Go us.

What’s Wrong?

March 11, 2015 by magicallydelicioussuperslut

Recently a friend posted this article, and because it comes up so much in kink couples and vanilla couples, let’s talk about it. Why can’t your male partner get off?

The problem is, women often blame themselves, thinking that there is something wrong with them. They panic that they are bad in bed, or that their vagina is somehow deffective. I have heard this so often from so many women, and I feel terrible for them because they are trapped in a whole mess of insecurity over something that is 99% of the time not their fault at all.

As the article points out, the most common reasons that men can not get off is:

One: They grip too hard when they masturbate (and masturbate too often) which causes them to not be able to enjoy actual sex.

Two: They watch too much porn and are used to a level of things going on at once that no human could provide them.

First, let’s talk about masturbation. When a woman masturbates, it is not something that can prevent her from having an orgasm later. Since women can have multiple orgasms in a row if they want, a little fun in the morning isn’t going to stop them from getting off at night. As such, they often don’t understand why a male partner can’t get off when they have masturbated that day (or the male partner does not admit to having masturbated that day).

Add to that the fact that most guys grip way too tight when they are pleasuring themselves, and no vagina will ever be as tight as a hand grasping with all its might.

Second, when I say porn is a problem, I don’t mean watching a porn all the way through with build up and credits. I mean the 15 different porn clips that your male partner probably watches at once, all being just a short video of some outrageous thing that you can’t/shouldn’t do for them (be gang-banged, fuck a donkey, etc…)

So when they are used to watching all these different porn clips at once (and all of extreme things), one person becomes less than they need to have an orgasm.

These things are not your fault as a woman. Not at all. Your male partner can lay off the porn and the masturbation to help these problems go away. But don’t ever let him make you feel responsible. You are not responsible at all.

Sorry guys. I’ve just run into too many women who are being made to feel bad because of their male partner’s life choices and it’s simply not fair to them to keep blaming themselves.

Sub Drop

March 3, 2015 by magicallydelicioussuperslut

I recently made a comment about Sub Drop, and was met with a blank look. I thought this was a term that everyone in the kink community knew, so I was surprised to find that it is not. Since it seems to be needed, here is a brief explanation.

Submitting to another person is usually a very emotional experience for anyone. This is sometimes part of an overall relationship, or sometimes part of a stand-alone scene. However, going into sub space and allowing oneself to be vulnerable is very intense even if there is not a deep emotional connection (or any connection at all) between partners.

Obviously this is different for every person, and so it is very hard to describe the feeling. However, a friend of mine once said; “It takes a great deal of courage to submit to and trust another person.” I believe that is true.

Because submission is such an emotional experience, it’s important not to finish a scene and then part ways immediately. Of course, every scene should end with after-care, where you hold the submissive and let them gradually come out of sub space.

Even when the after care is over, the submissive is usually still emotionally vulnerable, and so it is best not to leave them alone if possible. If the submissive must be left alone, they should be encouraged to have a friend come over and be with them, just in case.

In situations where the submissive is left alone, they often experience something called “Sub Drop,” where their already vulnerable emotional state overwhelms them and they become extremely depressed. This is something that a Dom or Domme must do their best to avoid, as this can make the submissive adverse to future scenes, and can be very hard on them.

Remember, if a person is brave enough to submit to you, it is your responsibility to respect that courage and to do your best to be good to your submissive. Without submissives (and switches who chose to submit), none of us would able to enjoy our kink, which is to have someone to dominate.

Bisexual People

November 12, 2014 by magicallydelicioussuperslut

There are a lot of myths surrounding bisexual people. As a bisexual person, I just wanted to write a little bit about it.

The first and most important point is that bisexual people are not always poly, and it is really not okay to assume a bisexual person will want to become the third in your couple.

I admit, some people might be bisexual and also interested in dating a couple. But you can’t ever assume that, and it’s not true for most bisexual people. They are usually monogamous.

The other thing about bisexuals is that if they make a long-term commitment to a person of one sex or the other, it doesn’t not mean that they have “chosen” that sex. I am married to a man. That does not mean that I am no longer attracted to women, and it does not mean that I like women less than men.

Being with a person of one sex does mean that your feelings for the other sex are invalidated. It just means that you fell in love with a person of a specific sex. It might be confusing for you, but it is confusing for us too.

Sometimes people ask which gender I was attracted to first, as though it matters.

For the record, it does not matter. The gender I felt attraction to first is not my “real” sexual orientation.

I was just over 10 years old when I first felt sexually attracted to anyone. Her name was Samantha. She was blonde, and she was outgoing and fun.

I didn’t understand at the time what the feelings were, just like how straight people don’t understand. Attraction in general manifest before a complete understanding of sexuality.

So, the fact that I stared out being attracted to women, and am still attracted to women, does not mean that I am a lesbian. It just means that my attraction to men manifested later.

Sexuality is different for everyone.

Occasionally, bisexual people can be discriminated against by gay people, as well as by straight people.

Gay people sometimes feel resentful that a bisexual can “go straight” and “pass” with heterosexuals (therefore avoiding being marginalized and subjugated by the world at large.) Not all gay people are like that, of course. Many of them are wonderful and nice. However many bisexuals say they have experienced resentment at the hands of gay friends, who think the person is being less than genuine about their sexual orientation because they sometimes date opposite gender partners.

Straight people sometimes fetishize bisexuals. They can think of them as sluts who will have sex with anyone. It is very common, for example, for a straight male to ask a female who is attarcted to women if they can watch, or if they can join in. The assumption is that a bisexual is into weird things and different kinds of sex with multiple partners.

However, bisexuals are not to be fetishized as sluts who want to sleep with everyone. They are mostly very normal people, and the vast majority are looking for a committed relationship with one sex or the other; not an orgy like you saw on Pornhub.com.

I know that to some of you it will seem like this doesn’t need explaining. I wish that were true. However, as a life-long bisexual, I have experienced all of these things first-hand, and so I can assure you that they are real.

I would ask both straight and gay people to understanding that being bisexual is just another sexual orientation. We are still people; just like you.

magicallydelicioussuperslut

I want to do things to you that you'll be ashamed to talk about in the morning.

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