Intro to Poly Life

February 22, 2014 by magicallydelicioussuperslut

I’m in a few relationships right now, and because some of them are fairly new, I’m going to write a post about polyamory. Now please note that I am not saying the rules are the same for everyone. I’m just saying that this is how I do things, and I think these rules work well for me.

First: The most important thing to remember about the poly lifestyle is that STDs are a big deal. To explore this in greater detail, let’s think about how many people are directly effected by one partner getting an STD.

I am currently sleeping with my husband, as well as a man we’ll call Mr. Greyson, and a man we’ll call Mr. Slick. So on the first tier, all of those people are directly effected. (That’s 3 people.)

Now my husband is sleeping with two other girls. So if I get an STD, those other girls will have a problem as well. Mr. Greyson is also sleeping with two other girls. and so they are also effected. And Mr. Slick is dating two girls besides me as well, bringing the grand total of the second tier of people effected to six (adding first tier people this is a total of 9 so far).

AND if the girlfriends of my husband, Mr. Greyson, and Mr. Slick are sleeping with other people (and they likely are) then the effects spread even farther.

It can get confusing enough to need a white board…

Now let’s talk about how STDs spread, for those who are unaware.

An STD (or sexually transmitted disease) is a virus or bacteria that lives in your penis or vagina, and depending on the STD, also in your blood. (This is why for a full panel of STD tests they take both a swab and a few vials of blood.) Keep in mind that these viruses and bacteria are capable of being spread through a single cell. Just one cell getting from a sexual partner onto you can infect you. So even if you wear a condom, the skin to skin contact from more vigorous sex can certainly spread an STD from one person to the other. Not to mention that any oral sex can spread cells from one person to another as well. STDs are very contagious, and thinking “if I wear condoms everything will be okay” is crazy talk.

Now, another important thing to note is that many STDs are completely symptom-free. So if you have HPV or Clymidia (for example) you will not know it. You won’t have a rash, or strange smells, or any discharge. Many STDs present with no symptoms at all, and you can spread them even if you don’t know you have them.

So how do you keep from giving something to your partners, who will pass it on to their partners?

The very best way to handle this is simple: Every single time you add a new partner, you must require an STD test from them (and provide them one in return). Many places offer cheap testing based on your income, and colleges often have partnerships with health organizations to offer free testing a few times a year. You can go see your regular doctor as well, but I understand that some people are too shy to ask their family doctor for STD tests, and I respect shyness to a point (just go get tested somewhere else!!!)

It’s also necessary to have a honest and frank discussion with each partner, explaining that when they add a new partner, they need to require paperwork too. And if they refuse, then however attractive and awesome they may be, you have to go and find someone else who can handle a mature poly relationship. Because when you take risks on untested people who refuse to provide documentation that they are STD-free, you are risking a lot more than just yourself.

Just one tiny cell can ruin your entire life, and the lives of the people you love…

Thankfully, most STDs are treatable. A simple course of antibiotics will fix the problem, and then you’re free to go back to a slutty lifestyle.

Remember that trust is important, and that sometimes you place your trust in people that don’t deserve it. I have a friend who did that, and I am sad for her because she is now living with Herpes. There is no cure, and it has ruined her sex life and her hopes of settling down and having a husband and kids.

*This is because she’d have to find a partner that also had it, and that she liked enough- a very tiny intersection of a large ven diagram.

Every time I think that I’d like to just take a guy or girl home from the bar and have wild sex with them, I remember her and I know it’s not worth the risk.

Anyway, sorry for that. I know talk of STDs is heavy and no one ever wants to talk about it. I make folks uncomfortable all the time by forcing the issue, and I know that sometimes they wish I wouldn’t.

Alice’s chart, from “The L Word”

Second: Jealousy is a thing.

Look; I know a lot of people in poly relationships like to act like they are above jealousy. They pretend that they don’t care at all about who their partners sleep with. But there will always be little stabs of jealousy that crop up from time to time, because that is how humans work.

There is no easy cure for this problem. I can’t give you some quick-fix advice for how to avoid being jealous. But I can share with you the way I like to look at my partners other partners, and maybe that will help just a little.

So when I sleep with someone I bond with them to some extent, because oxytocin (a bonding hormone released during sex) is a powerful thing. And you can assume that bonding with someone means caring at least a little bit about their well-being. So I like to look at things from their point of view.

Let’s take the example of Mr. Greyson, who I have been seeing for a few months now. Prior to dating me, he had been single for 3 years following a somewhat painful divorce. So, when he tells me about a girl he met or someone that he plans to sleep with or has slept with, I am proud of him for being gutsy enough to put himself out there are take risks again. I am happy for him, because each new person he adds to his life helps him build up his confidence and self-worth. When I look at it this way, how could I be jealous? I am happy that he is happy, and that tends to drown out any other emotions.

Every situation is different and every bond is different. No two relationships are ever the same. So obviously the bond I have with Mr. Greyson is different than with other people I am seeing. But in each relationship, I can look at things from the other person’s point of view and find reasons to be happy because they are happy. So, that usually makes the jealousy melt away.

If you do end up feeling jealous, take some time to think about why.

One of my husband’s girlfriends bothered me and I wasn’t sure why at first. But over time I came to realize that it was because she wished he was married to her, and she wanted me out of the picture. Because of this, I found myself uncomfortable with the relationship, and my husband ended things with her.

Talk to your partners about feelings that you have and be open and honest. It is the only way to solve your problems and to make sure everyone is happy.

Yes, you should use whatever term you want to describe it.

Third: Logistics are a bitch, and that is never going to change.

I hate Valentine’s day. I hate it so much that I really have no words to describe my utter loathing for this stupid fucking holiday.

Do I spend Valentine’s day with my husband? Do I spend it with whatever partner is most emotionally needy? If I want to spend it with one partner, but they want to spend it with someone else, am I allowed to feel hurt about that?

I usually solve this problem by spending it at work, or by myself. I just give up.

But there’s a lot more to logistics than who you should spend holidays with. For example: Do I want my partners to meet each other? Would they react well to one another? What happens if they don’t like each other? Or what happens if they REALLY like each other and they both forget about me all the time and hang with each other instead?

Everyone tackles the problem of logistics differently, and they should because everyone feels differently about this issue. I can tell you that for me personally, I find it easiest to keep things as separate as possible. This is mostly because I am seeing people both 10 years younger than me and 10 years older than me, and I think 20-year ago gaps can make things a little weird.

I also am seeing people who are pretty new to the poly lifestyle, and I am afraid they would start trying to compare one another. I don’t need my 21-year-old boy feeling insecure because my 42-year-old lover might know more about sex than him, nor do I want my 42-year-old lover feeling insecure because my 21-year-old boy-toy has a better body. And I don’t want any of them comparing penis size because that would make me break out in hives! YOU guys know how much I hate guys who measure their worth by the size of their cock.

In the past, with a different set of people, I did introduce one to the other. And they all became friends and never fought over my time because they liked each other and wanted to share. Sometimes this can lead to wonderful friendships and amazing leather families forming. Love can multiply so much between two people, and it seems it can multiply an order of magnitude more between three and an order of magnitude more between four.

I guess the moral of the story is to take it one day at a time, and be willing to accept change and evolution of relationships over time.

These are just some of the key points. Obviously I could write a book about the poly lifestyle because, for those who are new to it, there is an overwhelming amount of information to process. It is a whole new way of seeing relationships and of seeing the world. But for now, I feel this blog entry is long enough. So, I’ll leave you with one final thought on the lifestyle:

Poly relationships require a great deal of responsibility. You are responsible for the health and love of many people, and it is important to realize what kind of a commitment that is. The lifestyle is not for everyone, and it’s okay if you try it and realize it’s not for you. Lots of people feel safer and happier in a monogamous relationship, and I will never judge them for that.

Until next time, be safe and happy all you crazy kids!

Poly pride!

Kink Evolution

February 15, 2014 by magicallydelicioussuperslut

Kinky very well might just be the way a person is. It has always seemed that way to me. But ideas that excite us do not always stay static. We all start somewhere, and usually we sort of change bit by bit over time. Most of us start out with simple things. Basic restraints and maybe a blindfold. Some teasing with a feather or maybe even a little novelty flogger.

Most sex shops sell some kind of BDSM starter kit these days, because of the popularity of books dealing with the subject. And of course, household items like kimono ties and karate belts are good starting items.

Over time though, we often get into more complicated stuff. Because most of us that are into BDSM are just addicted to excitement, and to variety and experiences.

A Dom of mine who I adored as a Dom has evolved into more of a Sadist. This is a natural progression for a lot of people. As someone who is not a Masochist, I am ever so slightly disappointed. But I accept it, because I understand that he was bound to evolve.

I think everyone changes over time.

Where a blindfold was once all you needed, maybe a rope suspension starts to seem like a good idea too. And little by little, we wander father and father down the rabbit hole.

I know lots of people who started out saying, “Oh, I’d never play with hooks in my skin.” And before too long, they ended up part of a “hookers” group like suspension merriment. (Yes, that video is taken in a backyard. There aren’t a lot of venues that let hookers work there, and since Suspension Merriment is based out of Arizona, there is never weather to worry about anyway.)

Things that started out as hard limits become soft limits, and then over time they even become things you enjoy.

Kink is all relative. After all, I know vanilla couples who think that anal sex is kinky. To most of us, anal sex is tame, but anal hooks and butt plugs are sort of exciting.

So how do you deal with it when a partner of yours evolves and you don’t?

Well, this is where you find yourself either learning to like new things, or setting limits for them in play. And this is also why polyamory is a good idea in the kink world, because it’s very hard to find someone that matches up 100% with all your kinks. It’s hard to get everything you could ever want from just one person. (Though I’m not saying it is impossible.)

My toy bag has grown a lot over the years to include new and different things. I think that is pretty normal, according to what I have seen.

The real key is constant communication. Always figure out a way to express your needs. If you can’t do it in person (too shy or something) then try writing e-mails or letters. I prefer in-person myself, but because people can be shy, I also accept written scene ideas. I do prefer paper-and-pen letters to e-mail though, because we all know Google and the NSA are reading our electronic correspondence.

Anyway find a way to talk to your partners or partners and tell them what you need. And if you can try new things and evolve together, that’s always best.

Penis Size

February 9, 2014 by magicallydelicioussuperslut

Disclaimer: Yes, this blog is mostly about kink, but this post is just a rant so feel free to skip it.

This is one of those things I am so sick of talking about that I can hardly stand it. Every guy has to talk about his penis. The ones with smaller penises always act insecure about it and it’s awkward. The ones with big dicks brag all the time like it’s all that matters. So fuck it. I am going to clear up a few things.

First; Vaginas are not all the same size. Seriously guys, this is a thing. Mine is about 8 inches deep. Sure they are stretchy and stuff, but it does hurt to stretch them. Also, the clitoris is not at the very end of the vagina WAY inside or something. In fact, the tip is outside and above the vagina, while the underneath part is sort of on the sides of the vagina. So for girls to get off, a big penis is irrelevant. Sure, some like it. But not all of us do.

Second: Some positions are better with penises on the smaller side. With a smaller penis, you get to have more grinding, and that is more likely to allow a girl to get off while having sex (not from the penetration, but from the friction against hip bones.)

Third: Oh my god size isn’t everything. It’s just not. Yes, a very tiny penis will make us sad so you better be good at something else. (Oral sex, back rubs, use of toys, etc…) And look; a big penis really does hurt and not all girls like pain.

I could go on and on. But I’m not going to because the internet does and so does every guy on Earth and I just hate this topic.

Oh, and for the girls: There is no way to tell a guy’s penis size unless you actually look at his penis. I don’t care what app you have on your phone or what your friends told you. I have seen a lot of penises in person at sex clubs, and dungeons, and in my bed. Unless you’re a professional porn star I probably have more experience than you so just trust me.

When I first got to Portland I slept with a guy we’ll call Mr. Pretentious. He was tall and had very long fingers and big feet; all the things that are supposed to predict big penis size were present. (Not that I was looking for that; because he found me not the other way around.) Point is; I get his clothes off and his dick is so tiny I can’t even feel it in my ass. It was really small.

And then there are the guys who are short and skinny and dinky looking. My ex who was a drummer in a metal band is a good example. Little guy. Shorter than me. Weighed maybe 100 pounds. His dick was 11 inches long. I measured it against an old wooden ruler and just stared in disbelief. The man should not have had a strong enough heart or enough spare blood (given his size) to keep a penis like that hard. It was fat, too.

So girls, the moral of the story is this; don’t think you can stall and put off sex for a long time. Because then you’ll get attached before you know whether or not his penis is something you can live with (As in; is your vagina too small or too big for it?)

One last thing:

MEN: DO NOT TALK ABOUT THE SIZE OF YOUR PENIS TO US.

Consider this a public service announcement and take it to heart. Because if you say “I wish my dick was bigger” and I do as well, I’m going to have to sit there and bite my tongue. Or worse (and I have done this) I’m going to loose my patience and say “Me too,” then put on my clothes and leave.

Others things not to say include “I’m so glad my dick is big” and “I wish my dick was bigger.”

Yes. We know. All of you think bigger is better and you’re constantly obsessing about your penis and it’s size relative to other men and particularly porn stars. But self-confidence is sexy and even when you are bragging about your cock and it is a respectable size, you still sound desperate for approval and childish when you talk about it. Confident men don’t have to brag, after all.

Women should not ask if dresses make them look fat. It’s a trap. And men should not bring up penis size for the same reason.

(And just so you know, the guy who I walked out on after telling him he had a small penis obsessed over it for years and even started a website devoted to hating me and tried to get my exes and random strangers to join. It destroyed his ego for years. I don’t feel bad about it though. He brought it up every single time we had sex as we were laying in bed after. He’d say it was small and I’d feel obligated to reassure him that it was fine. And I just got sick of lying to him. He shouldn’t have brought it up, and you shouldn’t either. )

*I’d like to apologize to my husband for this post. He has an unnaturally large penis and he does kinda talk about it rather too much. I love him with all my heart and soul in spite of this fact. And, I love his penis. I hope this post doesn’t hurt his feelings (if he even reads my blog, which I kind of doubt.)

An Orgy I Went To

February 2, 2014 by magicallydelicioussuperslut

So while I was on vacation I went to an orgy. (I also went ice fishing and to an amusement park, but I guess you guys don’t want to hear about that, huh?)

First: It’s kind of hard to define what an orgy is. This was 6 couples (or 12 people) who started out just switching partners with each other and ended up sort of just having sex with everything around. I have no idea if it was planned or not, because my pet and I were the only English speakers there. It seemed unplanned, so I’m going to assume it just started out with some couples at a sex club and ended with a more orgy-like setting.

When I told my friends I was at an orgy, they had several questions. So I’ll write this post as a question and answer, since it seems like a fair format to do this topic in.

1. How many people did you have sex with?

Um… I’m not really sure. It’s all kind of a blur. I’m pretty sure that I had sex with all of them. But you know, it’s a dimly lit room and not everyone is memorable. It’s not like we got to exchanging names or talking about our lives with each other.

2. Was it fun?

A lot of it was fun, yes. I had some really interesting sex. And of course, it was all Asians, so I got to be the hot foreign girl with the big, blue eyes and the shaved pussy. Asian men go nuts over a shaved pussy. They all want to pet it and rub lube on it and stuff because Asian women don’t usually shave.

It was also fun from the perspective of watching my pet, which I always enjoy doing. I don’t mean to brag, but my pet has 6-pack abs, a beautifully toned body, and a huge cock. He is way hotter than the guys in porn. And yes, I do know how lucky I am. So watching him walk around, watching him fuck, and anything else I ever watch him do is just awesome. And anyway he gets this “sex smile” that is so brilliant and lights up my whole world.

3. What about STDs?

This is a very valid question. Yes, I do worry about STDs. That’s why I use condoms. All the guys were annoyed about this because they weren’t using them with the other girls. But I insisted and they complied. My pet had the same experience with the girls, who saw him reach for a condom and said they didn’t like it, but he put it on anyway.

Still, STDs are spread from skin-to-skin contact and they are caught from oral sex as well as vaginal and anal sex. It’s totally possible to get something even using condoms and dental dams and being careful. So when I got home to the USA I went and got a full STD panel. Some of the tests require a wait of a few weeks before you can take them, so always ask your doctor if it’s too soon to take certain tests. My doctor thought it was silly of me to wait for the AIDS test, because he said it’s rare that it’s takes longer than a week or two to show up in your blood. But he agreed that it’s okay to be cautious and told me to come back in a few weeks for that one.

I do this all the time. I have been tested for STDs at least 40 times in my life. The tests have not always come back negative, but everything I have ever caught was easy to treat. Yes, I worry every single time.

But here’s the thing; I am not willing to live my life according to fears of what might happen. I am as careful as anyone can be given my lifestyle, and I am accepting of the fact that it might not be enough. I fly in planes even though they sometimes crash. I drive a car even though sometimes car accidents happen. I went skydiving even though sometimes parachutes don’t open. And I went to an orgy even though I might get an STD.

Some of my friends feel that this is irresponsible behavior. Maybe so. But I like sex, and I like unique situations involving sex. I feel that the risk is small, and that it is worth it. You may make a different choice, and that is okay too.

4. How do I get to be part of an orgy?

It’s funny because the ones I have been part of were surprise situations. I think it usually is. I don’t think there are a lot of planned orgies. (Though there are a lot of swingers clubs for older married folks.) I do not think I can answer this question. All I can say is; you increase your chances when you hang out in certain types of places around certain types of people.

5. Were there any negative parts?

Yes, there was one. A sort of overzealous guy was watching me and another guy have sex, and he tried to stick his fingers inside of me (while the other guy was inside of me). He had finger nails, and they cut me. This was actually when I tagged out of the orgy and left everyone to their fun.

6. Would you do it again?

Yes! With the exception of the very end, it was actually a lot of fun. I know it’s uncharacteristic for a girl to admit to even liking sex, let alone promiscuous orgy sex. But, it was fun! There was one point where I had 3 guys around me all playing with me at once and I felt like a total sex goddess. It was just like being in a porn. I love sex that feels just like a porn.

I’m including a frog orgy at the end because I have a terrible sense of humor and because the picture made me laugh

Slut Shaming is Wrong

January 27, 2014 by magicallydelicioussuperslut

I have skirted this issue before without directly talking about it, but I think it’s finally time to write a post about it.

Slut-shaming is the act of looking down on a girl who sleeps with lots of men. It is done by a large percentage of men with no conscious thought (it seems being socialized as male makes you consider a woman’s worth as something tied to her sexual promiscuity.)

In overly religious cultures it is worse, of course. They expect all women to be virgins until they are married. Once they are married they may sleep with their husband, but never anyone else. Even if they are raped, it is considered cheating and, as they have become impure, they will be stoned to death. This has happened in all Middle Eastern countries for centuries.

Now, many countries are more tolerant. If a woman is not a virgin when she gets married, they will accept this. Of course they do still expect her to get married, and she will be shamed if she reaches a certain age and has not yet “found a man.” The implication here is that a woman is helpless and unable to care for herself or be responsible for herself. She needs a man and must find one while she is young and attractive, or none will want her.

But THAT is a topic for another time.

Anyway, this mentality of slut shaming is everywhere. Women are grudgingly allowed to have sex before marriage but they are not allowed to enjoy sex or have lots of it without feeling shame and being shunned.

A girl who does porn is a “whore.” A girl that enjoys sex is a “slut.” All manner of terms that society calls negative will be applied to a girl so that she understand that having sex is a NEGATIVE thing, and she should do it as little as possible. And eventually this message is drilled into the heads of those with a XX chromosome pair, until it is part of who every women is.

If she gets raped, she was asking for it. (Please look into the Slut Walk movement to realize how much bullshit this is.) If she wears a mini skirt, she’s a “dirty girl.” If she has sex with more than a few men she is disgusting.

This puts women in impossible situations and it’s not okay. We really need to stop this nonsense.

Really let this sink in, because these are things that run deep in who we all are. Men believe these things, and so do women. No one means to. No one realizes that they have been taught this. It is just part of who we all are as a society, and it is true of every society on the planet.

Now let’s think about some things that many women do:

1. Women tend to act coy and pretend not to be interested in a guy. They are shy about being up-front and admitting that they find a man attractive. They do not feel comfortable openly telling a man that he is handsome.

2. Women tend to feel like they shouldn’t want sex. They are taught to push guys off, to say no, and to act as though the subject holds no interest for them.

3. Women tend to lie about how many guys they have slept with so as not to appear as sluts. I remember in a movie once a girl talking to a female friend says “Guys want to seem like they know what they are doing, so they always add extra to the number of girls they have slept with. Women want to seem pure and chaste, so they always subtract some from their number.”

All of these things are bad.

Why? Well first, it is unhealthy for a woman to feel that sexuality (a natural part of life) is a sin for her. Some women feel unable to say “no” when a guy pressures them to have sex, but then later they regret it because they really didn’t want to in the first place.

Women shouldn’t feel like they have to say no. And they shouldn’t feel ashamed after. These things are taught to them because they “aren’t allowed” to like sex (according to society.) And that is really bad for everyone.

Let’s think about men for a moment here.

What must it be like to be constantly shot down? You talk to girl after girl, and even the ones you thought you caught checking you out just giggle and say no when you ask for their number. Then, when you finally get a girl to date you, she constantly pushes you away when you try to be physically affectionate. How do you think it feels to always be the one expected to initiate intimate contact, and to be pushed away the vast majority of the time?

So this culture of shame and resentment builds up between men and women. And it’s awful. Women feel pushed into sex and then ashamed after. Men feel forced to be pushy about sex, then deal with constant rejection. This is not good for anyone!

How do we stop it?

That’s the easy part. We stop slut-shaming and the problem solves itself.

It really is that simple, folks. We just tell women that sex is a natural part of life, and they should want and enjoy it just like men do. And it’s okay. They can have as many sexual partners as they want, and that’s okay. In fact, a women that has more sexual partners might even be more desirable because she obviously enjoys sex and possibly has knowledge of exciting new things that you’ve never tried.

So let us review:

Teaching women to feel shame over sex is bad. Placing a higher value on women who have had less sex is bad. Shaming women who have had lots of sex is bad. Please try to remember that “slut” and “whore” should be positive words. They are used to denote women who are in touch with their sexuality and who enjoy sex. You want that kind of women in your society.

I know it’s hard to wrap your brain around. I know it goes against all the things that you never knew society was teaching you. I know you want to resist.

But don’t. Because it’s time we realize that the word “slut” is not a pejorative term. It’s time we stop teaching men to always want sex and always try to get it, while teaching women to never want sex and to always resist. It’s a bad game with unfair rules and we all need to refuse to play so that we can stop having a “battle of the sexes” and start having fun.

And not only am I proud to be a slut, but I should also tell you, I am magically delicious!

Guest Post on One Weird Globe

January 15, 2014 by magicallydelicioussuperslut

Thai fruit market

I wrote before about my adventures in Thailand. But I never mentioned that I wrote a guest post on a friend’s blog about my time there. One Weird Globe is a great site, and I’d highly encourage you to read it.

For now, I’m off on another overseas adventure and in case I don’t get a chance to blog while abroad, perhaps you can check out the link to my guest post instead. Cheers!

Statues in front of the royal palace in Bangkok

Music to have Kinky Sex to

January 11, 2014 by magicallydelicioussuperslut

I am often asked what is good dungeon music. This is largely a matter of opinion, and I can’t tell you what you should listen to when you have sex.

That said, here are some of my favorites:

Element a440, Kookie Kutter

Faderhead, Aim to misbehave

Hardwire, Sex Slave

Rammstein, Pussy (Sadly censored)

Selfless, Clarity

Note: All I could find was a live video on youtube, but if you can find any of their albums they are absolutely divine to do kinky things to.)

Hedley, Don’t Talk To Strangers

Note: I just like this one because I am a cougar most of the time.

So obviously anything my Nine Inch Nails or Marilyn Mason is good for a dungeon environment. Once at a play party we ended up watching LMFAO videos because the power of laughter can not be underestimated. *Shrugs*

I personally like a lot of heavy metal like Children of Bodeom and Cradle of Filth. I recognize that this is not for everyone. But if I want to hit someone hard, it really helps. Plus it’s good for what I guess you called fucking. Porn-style sex, you know? I like that…

The Velvet Rope

January 6, 2014 by magicallydelicioussuperslut

Last week, I went to The Velvet Rope, a sex club at 3533 SE Ceaser Chavez Blvd in Portland. First, I will give it props for being easy to find. They have a nice size sign and a decent -size parking lot. (Although it curves around behind a Wells Fargo in kind of a weird way.)

Unlike other sex clubs I have been to, The Velvet Rope promotes themselves. They even have a promo on Youtube. Fancy!

Disclaimer: This video was made by the club and it kind of exaggerates what will probably happen. It may suggest the clientele is slightly younger and a bit more attractive than what I observed.

When you walk in, you pay a membership fee your first time. I paid $20 for a year, and it was free to get in because I am female. I believe couples pay $40 and single guys pay $80 to get in.

The Velvet Rope is a maze of rooms that is easy to get lost in. It’s a fascinating labyrinth of turns and corners. I’ll give you the best walk-through that I can.

This is not a picture of the club. This is just what it felt like on my first time through. Props if you get the reference.

As you enter, the couples area is to your right, and the hot tub to your left. Straight through is a common room where BDSM stuff was set up because it was kink night via a group called “Red Cheeks” here in Portland. Then, up the stairs, there is a common area with pool tables and a bar. Off of that is the smoking area, and then the “education room” where they play porn on the wall.

There are showers and bathrooms upstairs and down, if you feel dirty and you think water will fix that.

The main thing I found surprising was all the private rooms.

Most sex clubs I have been to are a room or rooms with places to sit or have sex, but all those places are in public areas. You go to a sex club to watch people, and to have them watch you. Well, and to switch partners. All of those things are harder when everyone is off in their own rooms.

That’s just my opinion though.

So I met a man I’ll call Mr. Grayson and decided that he was perfect to test out The Velvet Rope with.

To help you imagine (if you do that sort of thing) Mr. Greyson looks like a slightly older, blue-eyed version of Zachary Quinto.

We chose one of the private rooms in the “couples” suite, rather than in the upstairs suite. There was a sheet provided to put down over the vinyl mat that serves as a bed, and curtains to cover the window if we wanted so people couldn’t see in. We choose not to cover the window, but to adopt a position that only showed our feet. He says people were watching anyhow, so perhaps we have interesting feet.

There was a basket of condoms provided, which I was glad for because I forgot my stash at home.

We had sex, which I know I usually always describe in detail on here. But for once… I want to keep the details to myself.

The best I can do is to say it was like this but with more feeling

Picture sensual sex. Slow and intense. Picture bodies moving together like big fish in a small bowl, somehow touching at every point possible as if melting together. And picture a moment; brief but charged with electricity, where he buried his head against me and I could feel him nearly overcome with emotion as I held his head against my heart.

Skip to the end, and we took the sheet off the bed and put it in a clothes hamper at the end of the hall. Then a club employee came by to clean the vinyl mat and provide a new clean sheet for the next couple, as per club policy.

It is a neat place, and I should mention that it’s got loads of cool history that you can read about shortly when the article (not by me) comes out in Erotic Magazine.

This club is a fun place to spend an evening and a fun place to have sex with someone you just met. I highly recommend it.

Note: They do serve alcohol (and have snacks.) If you like to drink, plan to take a cab or have a designated driver. And remember to drink in moderation because no one likes the pushy trashed asshole at a sex club.

100th Post

January 1, 2014 by magicallydelicioussuperslut

First, Happy New Years! I hope 2014 is awesome for all of you.

It’s my 100th post on The Magically Delicious Super Slut. So today, I am going to talk about numbers.

Everyone knows that awkward question will find it’s way into conversation eventually when seeing someone new; “How many people have you slept with?”

And most people do not need to have a philosophical debate to answer this question. They casually say “8” or “35” and move on with their lives. Yay for them.

But I think it’s a philosophical question.

First, does being molested count? It’s not consensual. If a woman is to be shamed for the amount of people who have touched her naked body, it seems unfair to think being molested as a child should count against her.

Second, does being raped count into the numbers? Again, if it was against your will, why should it count? (And how many to add if you’re not sure?)

Third, does lesbian sex count? I mean, there doesn’t have to be penetration in lesbian sex (for boys who don’t know, the clitoris is not inside the vagina.) When you ask people to define sex, they often say being penetrated. But this excludes lesbians and would mean most of the women I slept with don’t count.

Last, does it really count if it’s at a sex club with a stranger? Oh I know you’ll say that this is a clear-cut yes and the only easy question here. But hear me out. I can tell you the first middle and last name of every single person I have ever loved. I KNOW when it counts. Sometimes. it absolutely means something and it absolutely matters.

I just don’t feel that way about sex clubs. As for example, in club desire, I once sat on a couch between two Korean men to share a glass of champagne with them. When they started kissing me, I could hardly object. The two of them kissed every inch of my body and took turns going down on me. Then they got distracted and I went back to my table. Does that count? They went down on me, which is the same as lesbian sex. So if lesbian sex counts then it should count. And yet it doesn’t feel at all like it does because at a sex club, a little licking and petting feels a lot like a handshake.

Casual. Meaningless.

So it’s not easy for me to answer the question of how many people I have had sex with, and I don’t think it’s easy for anyone who’s had a rough life or is adventurous.

But if you really want to know, the tally is hovering around 100 at the moment (so I have something in common with my blog!)

Note: Always use condoms or dental dams. Ask any repeat partner that you want to play with more intimately to provide an STD test. You may think it’s awkward, but they’ll actually appreciate it. If they get the test and it comes back positive, they can usually get treated since most STDs are treatable. So yay for that! If they get the test and it comes back negative, they can feel relieved that they know for sure that they are clean. So no, it’s not weird to ask for people to get tested before you sleep with them, or even go down on them.

I often get asked if I have ever had an STD. Yes I have. I had HPV, and a bacterial infection. Both were easily treatable with antibiotics. Both I got from people I was using condoms with because sometimes condoms slip off or break. An STD is not usually the end of the world as long as you get tested and treated before you have sex with anyone else. I’ve never have to make the “I might have given you…” phone call, but I do not envy people who have.

Safe. Sane. Consensual.

Oh, and if you want to laugh, watch this video: (Many people feel this way after talking to me.)

Professional vs Personal

December 28, 2013 by magicallydelicioussuperslut

There are a lot of differences between doing something professionally and doing it for fun. I was arguing this with a friend the other day, and now that I have thought about it I think I can explain it better.

First, being a Domme in your personal life is nothing like doing it professionally because it’s for fun. You get to set up scenes you want to play out, and pick who you play with, and all kinds of others awesome things. So of course, it’s fun to be a Domme when it’s not your job. (And maybe you’ve noticed that almost anything seems fun until you do it for a living.)

The Woman.

So for all you Dommes out there who have never worked professionally as a Dominatrix, of course it seems like it’s all fun and games.

The thing is, here’s what being a Professional is like:

I get to work and there is already two clients waiting. When I say clients, I kind of mean creeps. I know I shouldn’t say that, but I got a creeper vibe off half the guys that came to see me. So great, I pick one and we go into my room of the dungeon. I have a small table where we sit down, and I take out the standard consent form, which I have every single person sign before every single session. It says that I am not legally responsible for any physical harm that may occur during the course of the scene, and it asks questions they must answer about what kind of scene they are looking for.

We go over he form together and make sure I understand what type of scene they are looking for. Then I get out the checklist. It is a list of about 100 things that may or may not happen, depending on the client’s desires. On MY checklists, certain things were always crossed off, such as any part of me being penetrated by anything at all. Other Dommes made other choices and also made more money. I respect that, but chose not to do it.

So, then we know what kind of scene and what things will be done or not done. I name a price and collect the money up front, and then I go out and wait while the client prepares. (Usually taking clothes off and getting into position or whatever.)

I come back (leaving the door open so my DM can check in on me).

Now, let’s use an example of a common fetish that I had to deal with. I’ll describe a scene I did for a guy we’ll call Mr. Chocolate. So, he wanted very much to be treated like a puppy. He would do this in his underwear, with a collar and leash on.

He’d jump up and I’d say “No! That’s a bad dog!” And I’d use my riding crop to smack his butt. And then he’d pout and look cute, so I’d say “Aww, I can’t stay mad at you! Come here.” And I’d get down on the floor and let him crawl around and put his head on me and lick my face while I petted him.

He came to see me several times, and we played out scenes where I taught him tricks and punished him when he did them wrong; while rewarding him with treats when he did them right. He also came to me once obviously upset, and spent the whole time making little whimpering noises while I petting his head and told him he was a good puppy.

Mr. Chocolate had this need to be a puppy, and so my job was to play the scenes out with him. Would I have chosen to do those things on my own? No. I’m not really into pet play. (I do call my husband pet, and I do pet him, but he never pretends to be a dog and I don’t want him to.)

That’s just one example. I had guys who just wanted to be flogged for hours. I had guys who waned to be spanked, and made to count each whack. I had guys who wanted to be hurt in any way I could think of until they “felt something.” Sometimes, it is about the pain.

But in my experience, mostly, it’s about the control. Someone wants to give themselves over to you wholly and completely and be free from all responsibility or worry. And because they are playing for it, the experience, it will be on their terms.

How is this different from a personal relationship, you ask?

Well, here are the main things as I see it:

1. Focus. Yes, in private the sub still gives themselves over to you wholly and completely. However, they generally want to please you, rather than having the focus on them being pleased. Even when you do focus on just pleasing them, they still do what they can to make you feel good too, because you are their master and they want to please you.

2. Sex. There is usually sex or penetration of some kind or oral contact or something in a personal BDSM relationship. In general it is frowned upon in a professional context. This is because back in the day when I worked as a Domme*, the dungeons were in private houses and as long as there was no sex, it was legal. If sexual contact happened, it could be considered prostitution and there could be jail and fines and such.

3. Respect. A person who is paying you doesn’t respect you probably, even if they have to act like it to make the scene work. And you don’t respect them all that much either, since you can’t help wondering why they don’t get a girlfriend that will put them on a leash and take them for walks.

*Note: In the 1990’s the internet hadn’t quite created things like fetlife.com and collarme.com yet. There weren’t BDSM meetups just advertised, and going looking for them could be scary. Communities that you could talk about kink with were rare. Kink was less accepted, and more persecuted. Dungeons like I used to work out might not exist anymore (I haven’t been to one like that in years!)

See, nowadays, you can just meet someone to do kinky things with, so there is no need to pay a girl to do things to you.

So now, dungeons like the CSPC are places where people can go alone or as a couple and do kinky things in a professional dungeon setting, without needing to pay for time with a Dominatrix.

It’s a better age, but I feel like it renders people like me somewhat obsolete. I just teach now. After all, I got good at speaking frankly about kink during all those scene negotiations I used to do. So, it’s easy for me to talk practically about things that embarass others. It’s therefore easy to do workshops and things like that.

Anyway the point is, working as a Domme isn’t the same as being a Domme for fun. If I’ve failed to explain why then I am sorry. I tried to do my best. But as someone who has Dominatrix friends who are both pro and personal, (as well as having been both) all I can do is promise you that I know what I am talking about. It’s not the same.

Anyway, I hope that you guys know I write these posts with a smile. If you met me in person you’d see that even though I can snap right the fuck into serious mode when I have to, I really am mostly a goofball.

magicallydelicioussuperslut

I want to do things to you that you'll be ashamed to talk about in the morning.

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