Big Love

November 23, 2014 by magicallydelicioussuperslut

I recently had someone tell me that I should watch “Big Love” because I am Poly. Obviously I was insulted that my lifestyle was compared to the abusive relationships that some Mormons promote, but I agreed to “keep an open mind” and watch it anyway.

Big Love is about an oppressive system of control imposed by a faction of the Mormon religion. All of the Mormon religion teaches women to shut up and obey, and so I hate it in general. But in specific, those who follow the polygamy path are awful. They kick boys out of their homes when they are 14 or 15 because they don’t want them to get interested in the girls. And the girls they marry to old, misogynistic men who are often decades older than them.

So for the record, I am deeply offended by everything to do with this show, even before it was compared to my lifestyle.

There are so many differences between the kink style of poly love and the Mormon idea of it that I hardly know where to begin. I guess I should note that kids and religion are not necessary parts of the poly lifestyle for kinky folks. For me personally, I can not have children and I am not religious. Those things do not factor at all into my life, even a little. Also, when poly people choose to have children, they think it through, They’re not tying to overrun the earth with children of their religion. They’re not breeding for the sake of breeding. Poly couples do not think of children as tools in a war against Satan. They think of them as tiny people, because that is what they are.

The show is centered around religion, and they live their lifestyle because they believe in a god who wants them to have an unnecessary amount of children. I can’t tell you how horrible I find that. Those poor women!

Also, while the show is centered around the historical Mormon practice of a man having multiple wives, all the wives are expected to be monogamous with their one husband. Some kink couples may choose to have a poly/monogamous relationship. But it is a choice not a requirement, and it is the exception rather than the rule. Poly life usually means freedom for BOTH partners; not just the man.

(I did have one poly/monogamous relationship. He just didn’t seem to be able to find any other girl that would date him. Poor thing. But I wasn’t going to let that stop me from living MY life. It lasted nearly a decade and I think we were both happy, though he sometimes struggled to manage his jealousy.)

Anyway, if you’ve ever read Escape by Carolyn Jessop, you know that Polygamous compounds are full of unspeakable abuse. They make it look cute in the show, but it’s NOT. I am from Arizona and I have seen boys come through the shelter I volunteered at after being run off the compound in Colorado City. Not only were these boys uneducated and afraid, but they missed their families, who tossed them out like trash so they wouldn’t “steal” the young girls in the compound.

Meanwhile women are only dumped in the desert after they have had all the children they can. Often once they reach menopause a husband will decide they are useless and just drive them off the compound and leave them, forbidding them to come back or see their children. And because these folks give birth at home and don’t file birth certificates with the state, the women have no way to prove that they even have children, (nor any money to fight a court case.)

I actually can’t list all the ways that this show glorifies a horrible and abusive lifestyle. I can’t begin to describe my revulsion at the abuse in Colorado City and other Mormon Compounds in Mexico, the USA, and Canada. But I must insist that being a Mormon Polygamist is NOTHING like my lifestyle at all.

In the kink community, we are all equal. We all deserve respect. And I think none of us would support the lifestyle depicted in “Big Love” for the same reason we don’t support the relationship described in “50 Shades of Grey;” because we don’t tolerate abuse. Our object is to be open-minded, not closed-minded. And I think that is a worthy goal for anyone, kinky or not.

Real Names

November 16, 2014 by magicallydelicioussuperslut

Facebook recently decided that everyone should have to use their “real name” on their web site. I can’t tell you how mad this made me.

When I first entered the kink scene nearly two decades ago, I was named “Lady Violet” for my Dominant nature and my purple eye shadow. I have continued using the name Violet in most instances in the kink scene.

This is due to the nature of jobs I have held where being kinky would be considered a scandal, as well as the job my husband holds which has strict rules about conduct in and outside the workplace.

Obviously, there are a great many people who have jobs that would be difficult to do under their real name. Fear of stalkers, being fired from jobs, and other concerns make adopting a “scene name” a no-brainier for a lot of people from a lot of different walks of life.

I have been asked how one chooses a “scene name,” and that is something I have precious little advice on. I legally changed my real name when I was old enough to do so (for a myriad of personal reasons) and I think that naming yourself is the hardest thing a person can do. Perhaps without realizing it, I think we are all influenced by the names that we were given. Choosing a new name is like trying to re-invent yourself. It’s not easy for everyone.

The only guidance I can offer is to pick a name that you are sure you like, because it’s very hard to change your name more than once. You have to learn to respond to something completely new, and to become accustomed to people knowing you by that name.

I know it can seem silly if you have a job that wouldn’t be damaged by knowledge of your bedroom preferences getting out. I know some people are comfortable using their real names and do not feel threatened by anyone knowing their “real identity.” They “come out” as kinky to friends, family, and co-workers. And that is totally okay too! If you prefer to use your real name, then I am proud of you for not being afraid of the consequences.

However I do highly recommend that in particular anyone who performs in the community give consideration to using a name other than the one on their birth certificates.

For me, I was happy to adopt the name Violet, and I am glad that it is passable as a real name so that it can be used on Facebook and other social media sites. I even feel like it helps me switch from “real life” to the kink mentality when I go from one name to the other. I think it helps me to get into character.

So if you are new to the scene and you are still telling people your real name, I guess I hope you’ll consider this food for thought. Obviously it is up to every person to consider what their own comfort level is, but I know that I have been happier using a scene name and writing under a pen name, and I think that there are good reasons to think about doing it when you get involved with kink.

Bisexual People

November 12, 2014 by magicallydelicioussuperslut

There are a lot of myths surrounding bisexual people. As a bisexual person, I just wanted to write a little bit about it.

The first and most important point is that bisexual people are not always poly, and it is really not okay to assume a bisexual person will want to become the third in your couple.

I admit, some people might be bisexual and also interested in dating a couple. But you can’t ever assume that, and it’s not true for most bisexual people. They are usually monogamous.

The other thing about bisexuals is that if they make a long-term commitment to a person of one sex or the other, it doesn’t not mean that they have “chosen” that sex. I am married to a man. That does not mean that I am no longer attracted to women, and it does not mean that I like women less than men.

Being with a person of one sex does mean that your feelings for the other sex are invalidated. It just means that you fell in love with a person of a specific sex. It might be confusing for you, but it is confusing for us too.

Sometimes people ask which gender I was attracted to first, as though it matters.

For the record, it does not matter. The gender I felt attraction to first is not my “real” sexual orientation.

I was just over 10 years old when I first felt sexually attracted to anyone. Her name was Samantha. She was blonde, and she was outgoing and fun.

I didn’t understand at the time what the feelings were, just like how straight people don’t understand. Attraction in general manifest before a complete understanding of sexuality.

So, the fact that I stared out being attracted to women, and am still attracted to women, does not mean that I am a lesbian. It just means that my attraction to men manifested later.

Sexuality is different for everyone.

Occasionally, bisexual people can be discriminated against by gay people, as well as by straight people.

Gay people sometimes feel resentful that a bisexual can “go straight” and “pass” with heterosexuals (therefore avoiding being marginalized and subjugated by the world at large.) Not all gay people are like that, of course. Many of them are wonderful and nice. However many bisexuals say they have experienced resentment at the hands of gay friends, who think the person is being less than genuine about their sexual orientation because they sometimes date opposite gender partners.

Straight people sometimes fetishize bisexuals. They can think of them as sluts who will have sex with anyone. It is very common, for example, for a straight male to ask a female who is attarcted to women if they can watch, or if they can join in. The assumption is that a bisexual is into weird things and different kinds of sex with multiple partners.

However, bisexuals are not to be fetishized as sluts who want to sleep with everyone. They are mostly very normal people, and the vast majority are looking for a committed relationship with one sex or the other; not an orgy like you saw on Pornhub.com.

I know that to some of you it will seem like this doesn’t need explaining. I wish that were true. However, as a life-long bisexual, I have experienced all of these things first-hand, and so I can assure you that they are real.

I would ask both straight and gay people to understanding that being bisexual is just another sexual orientation. We are still people; just like you.

The Ethical Slut

November 5, 2014 by magicallydelicioussuperslut

Recently I read a book called The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy. I’d been told that I should read it, and I have to admit that it was a good read.

The information in this book is laid out very well. I’ve been trying to explain these same things through various blog posts for ages, but the authors of this book put in more effort to explain the same ideas than I ever have.

For example: “A good slut is not measured by their amount of partners, but by the respect and care with which they treat each.”

Obviously I do sleep with a lot of people. But they are quality people. They are people I have exchanged STD tests with, or at the very least talked with extensively and gone through a scene negotiation with. They are people willing to use protection when we have sex, and who are interested in the same kinks as me.

Each partner should be chosen with care, because sex gets better the more you know someone. Make sure your partners are people that you can get to know, and that you want to get to know.

The book also covers a lot of information about poly relationships and how to make them work. I am often asked about this, and I have written several posts about it.

My favorite quote was about how a relationship with 3 people is way more complicated than a relationship with 2 people. After all, there is the relationship with A&B, the relationship with A&C, and the relationship with B&C. Plus the interaction is different with all three people together.

There is also a lot of good discussion in the book about boundaries, which are very important to negotiate and to respect. And also some helpful tips about managing jealousy.

I can’t say I agree with every single thing in the book, because kink and sluthood and the Poly lifestyle are different for every single person.

However, I would advocate that anyone who is new to the lifestyle read this book. I wish I had read it 10 years ago, because it would have been really helpful for me. Learning to manage all the feelings I had on my own was hard, and this book has very good discussions about that.

So if you haven’t read The Ethical Slut yet, definitely go out and buy it. It’s well worth the price, and it’s a great way to study the basics.

Fanstasies are Just That

November 3, 2014 by magicallydelicioussuperslut

I have heard a lot of questions about rape victims and certain types of play. Some people in the BDSM community seem to want a uniform answer to what is okay, and what is not okay. And that isn’t possible.

The answer is always that what you are comfortable with is what is okay. No more, and no less.

I’m not just saying this as someone with experience in the community. I’m saying this as a rape victim. For me; I was able to divorce the feelings I had to my traumatic experience from feelings to do with play. But not everyone can.

Either way, you are not wrong.

If you want to play a rape fantasy and you have been raped, then it might be your way of dealing with it. Or it might have nothing to do with it and be completely separate in your head. If you have been raped and you do NOT want to play rape fantasies, that is okay too. It might be that it reminds you too much of what happened to you. It might just be an upsetting concept to you regardless of what has happened to you. All those feelings are valid.

Women who have not been raped and want to play this kind of fantasy often feel guilty, like it means they actually want to be raped. Obviously it does not. Consenting to a fantasy is very different than a non-consensual attack.

How ever you feel about certain fantasies you have or certain kinds of play, it’s alright.

This is similar to how men sometimes think that if they want to be pegged, it means they are gay. Wanting to be get fucked in the ass makes sense for men, because the prostate is a huge pleasure center and that is where it is located. It doesn’t make you gay any more than wanting to play a rape fantasy means a woman wants to get raped. When we have fantasies about certain types of play, it doesn’t have to have a deeper meaning.

(*And if it does have a deeper meaning, that is okay too. Some people use play to work through issues they have, and that is fine as long as your partner can be understanding and supportive.)

Also, let me explain something important because /r/theredpill and other “men’s rights” groups that advocate force exist : Rape is a horrible crime. It takes away a woman’s power, her self-respect, and her sense of control over her own body. To be helpless and violated against your will is the worst thing you can do to a person. There his nothing okay about it. So remember that we are talking about FANTASIES and not anything real.

It is never okay to drug a woman, pressure her to get drunk, or do anything else so that you can take advantage of her once she is unconscious. It is never okay to force a woman into anything. No means no.

In some states there are laws being talked about to say that instead of “no means no” we should be talking about “yes means yes.” I agree with that. If you ask someone if they want to have sex and they don’t answer with yes, then you should not have sex with them. Woman sometimes freeze up when they have been taught to be passive and not to argue (many religions teach this behavior to women.) They might be terrified to say no, but would never say yes because they don’t want to. Respect that.

In fact, I make people I sleep with sign consent forms. These forms contain information about what methods we agreed on to prevent pregnancy and STDs, as well as what we agree to do. I think if more people used consent forms, the world would be a better place.

Remember that with fantasies, if you are comfortable, then it is okay. And guys who struggle with this; trust your lovers. If they say it is okay, then it is okay. Trust your partner to know their limits.

Sometimes you think you’re okay with something and then it turns out that you are not. That is okay too. It’s okay to test yourself, and it’s okay to find out you can’t handle things that you thought you could. Everyone is different, and everyone has different experiences. There are no rules here. There are no easy answers.

I also want to point out that trauma can present itself in funny ways. For me, the thing I draw the line at is opening my eyes during sex. I just can’t do it. It’s not like I haven’t tried to give it a shot with people I loved. But it’s too upsetting and I can’t handle it because my rapist made me look him in the eyes. For me there is a connection there that I can’t shake.

The people I have played with have often found this odd. One person was kind of mean about it; saying it meant that I didn’t trust him. That was very rude of him, and he shouldn’t have been so disrespectful of a hard limit that I can’t change for anyone.

There is no kind of play that is inherently wrong. As an exmaple, rape fantasies are common and it isn’t sinister to have one.

If you have discussed it, and you’re both okay with it, then try whatever feels right to you. It’s okay if some things are comfortable for you and some are not. The mind is a complicated place, and no one but you can judge your fantasies or your desires. Let yourself experience the things you want, and let those experiences help you on your way to understanding yourself.

While we’re sort of on the subject, I just want to make one other point. There are a lot of people who make jokes about rape. And I just want you to know that IT’S NOT FUNNY. It’s not okay to joke about it. It’s not okay to make light of anyone else’s trauma.

Do not tell a woman that she should “get over it” Do not try to set a time limit on mental damage, and say “well it’s been more than a decade, so how could it still bother you?”

Time does not heal all wounds. Things I don’t talk about or think about much still effect my behavior today, and that is okay. We can only see the world through the filter of our perspective, and we are all shaped by the things that happen to us. If bad things happen to you, it does not make you weak if you can’t forget them or change the effects they had on you. We are all shaped by our experiences. And that is okay.

This is NOT funny

Trying to date Vanilla Folks

October 26, 2014 by magicallydelicioussuperslut

(Note: I should disclose that I am on some antibiotics that are making me feel pretty bad right now. So if I sound meaner than usual, I guess that’s why.)

I’ve mentioned already how I am currently living on the island of Guam, and how there is a distinct lack of kinky folks here. So as a result, I’ve been talking to some vanilla people.

Now, I know that some vanilla folks are curious and might want to try kink stuff, so I don’t dismiss them out-of-hand. You never know what someone might want to try, and people can surprise you.

However, I do state on all my online dating profiles that I AM kinky, and that I am looking for a kinky partner. Ergo, it would seem to me that it’s obvious enough that I am not looking for someone who wants to have the kind of sex that will bore me. (And I know not all kinky folks are bored by vanilla sex, but without some sort of power dynamic, I can’t seem to get aroused.)

So I bring it up with the vanilla folks who flirt with me. I ask if there is anything they are curious about, or if they have any legitimate interest in kinky sex. And thus far, they have seemed not only disinterested, but frightened.

So I suggest looking up fetish lists or kink worksheets online. I suggest reading up on BDSM to see if they might have interests they are as of yet unaware of.

Thus far, my experience has been that vanilla people are judgmental of my lifestyle and afraid of what it might entail.

In addition to being judgmental and frightened, a lot of them just kind of bum me out. Here are a few things I have actually had said to me by more than one person:

“Well, there’s about 10 guys to every woman on island, so it’s impossible to get laid here.”

(Let’s talk about how it is not my responsibility to “get you laid.” Your insecurity over not usually being the one guy out of ten that a girl will pick makes you sound unattractive to say the least.)

“I mean, she gave me a blowjob so I guess it was worth going out with her. But then she wanted me to go down on her and I was like NO.”

(You are literally telling me up front that you are a selfish lover and I will get no pleasure from sleeping with you.)

“I dunno, I mean, I’ll try everything once; but I’m not really into all that weird stuff.”

(You are implying a judgement of my lifestyle while yet again making yourself sound awful in bed.)

I can’t figure out how guys think that saying things like this to me will make me want them. First, if you’re a guy who expects blowjobs but won’t go down on a girl, then you suck. A lot. And no girl will want you. I don’t agree with all the things they say (because every girl is different and I don’t like what they like in bed) but I think Tammy and Nicole make a great point in their piece “How To Eat Pussy;”

“When a woman finds a man who gives good head, she’s found a treasure she’s not going to let go of too quickly. This is one rare customer and she knows it. She won’t even tell her girlfriends about it or that guy will become the most popular man in town.”

So look vanilla guys, bragging about how you don’t give head is just sad. I expect oral sex. And I expect a lot more on top of that.

What I imagine when a vanilla guy tells me that he doesn’t even go down on girls is sex like I had when I was 13. Awkward, devoid of orgasm (again people, as Mary Roach writes about in the non-fiction science book Bonk: MOST WOMEN CAN NOT HAVE VAGINAL ORGASMS,) and boring. I’m expecting that you will probably want to kiss a lot (not one of my favorite things), then maybe play with my nipples or something, and then have penetrative sex until YOU get off, while I lay there bored and unfulfilled.

So why would I want that?

Well the answer is that I don’t. I really, really don’t. I could have more fun staying home and watching Porn.

So please guys, if you are vanilla, don’t bother to write to me thinking that I’m going to save you from your sexless life on Guam and give you a pity fuck. I am a slut, but that doesn’t mean I am the slightest bit interested in bad sex. I call myself a slut because I LOVE sex. I enjoy it, and I seek it out often. I like sex clubs like The Velvet Rope, Club Desire, and Club Sesso. I like new and different ways of playing, like the toys invented by Doctor Xtreme.

If you want to impress me, then why don’t you learn a little about kink before you talk to me, and then list specific things you are interested in? As I have said, there are loads of lists online. I recommend the CEPE printable list because it’s comprehensive. But you can look through anything kink-related you like to get ideas.

The key thing to remember is that there is always a power dynamic in the background, and that is what makes kink so exciting. It’s as much in your head as it is outside of your head with whips and chains. And it’s fair to say that if you’re not into it at all, then you probably never will be.

So in spite of your apparent lack of options, I still recommend you find someone else. I know that sounds harsh and I’m sorry, but I’m not having sex with someone just because they’re desperate. I want to have sex I can enjoy too. And I’m not going to compromise my desires for you.

How to Make a Woman Feel Attractive

October 20, 2014 by magicallydelicioussuperslut

In a recent discussion with a friend, he said “I know she’s crazy, but the crazy ones are the best in bed.”

And I said that if he felt that way, he wasn’t doing it right.

I couldn’t explain properly at the time (it was after a few drinks). So I’m going to try to explain now.

Let me start by saying that I have done things for some guys that I could never have done for others. Every relationship has it’s own chemistry and it’s own dynamic. But in general, it is much easier to be kinky and fun with someone who makes you feel sexy.

So how do you make a girl feel sexy?

Well, I suppose there is a certain amount of accounting for individual personality that is required. And I understand that. But remember that I am always speaking in general, and I know there are exceptions to everything I say.

With that said, some guys are nervous or shy. They aren’t able to be shamelessly attracted to a girl and to express that in a way that she can see. That is fair. If you’re shy, just do your best. If it means writing sexy e-mails or poetry or whatever it takes, then do what you have to do to make your female partner feel as desired as you can.

Some guys just aren’t that into the girls they are sleeping with. They may think their partner is fine to have sex with in the dark, but would get no delight from seeing them in lingerie because they are overweight or proportioned in a way that seems unattractive. And if THAT is your problem, then maybe you should be with someone else. Or, learn to find the person you’re with attractive. Because if YOU don’t think she’s attractive, then she’s not going to feel attractive.

I use a lot of different things to show and to tell a girl that she is perfect and gorgeous and fun. I make sure that I tell them every single day that I think they are beautiful and sexy. I make a point of stroking their hair, touching them every chance I get, and constantly complimenting them. I find the features I like the most and point them out often. So perhaps she has beautiful eyes the color of a stormy sea. Perhaps she has adorable little freckles. Maybe she has a really great butt. But whatever I can find to love, I passionately love those things and express my love for them often.

(Note: No amount of flattery is too much. You literally can’t go overboard with this.)

I also plant suggestions. Perhaps I love the way they dance, and so I tell them that often, and then playfully slip in the idea of a strip tease someday. Or maybe I think they would look great in something silk and slinky, so I buy something for them and encourage them to wear it. Maybe I buy some sexy shoes, and tell them how great they look and ask that they keep them on when we play. Or perhaps a shade of red lipstick that I buy, so they can wear it on sexy nights out.

Women will act a lot more outgoing and do a lot more with someone who makes them feel wanted and attractive, and because of this, it should always be your goal to make that happen.

I know that for myself, I had some body issues after I had cancer. And some people made me feel worse about them. And with those people, I found it necessary to blindfold them or have the lights off when we played. As a Domme, I need to have confidence. And I can’t have that with someone who makes me feel unattractive.

Then some boys would just embrace me exactly as I was. They would kiss every inch of me, and note every scar with care. I remember the first time someone kissed the scar on my side, and told me that I was all the more beautiful because of the things that I had survived. It made me feel sexy, and also appreciated. And that helped me to be more exciting for them than I am for most people.

I know it’s true for me, and I’ve seen it be true for other girls. The more sexy you feel, the crazier you can be in bed. I did a strip tease for my tattoo artist once because he made me feel beautiful. He said that no one on Earth was more beautiful to him, inside or out. And he constantly made me feel sexy enough that I could do things like strip slowly and wiggle my body like I was still a teenager without scars or stretch marks or any of the imperfections we collect on our way through life.

My point is; you don’t need to date a girl with issues to have fun in bed. That’s a silly thing to think, and it’s a stereotype that has always frustrated me. All you need to do is show a girl that they’re on your mind, and appreciated in your bed.

For a boy who constantly made me feel like a sex goddess, I broke several soft limits and did things I’ve never done with anyone else, including making videos of us having sex, some water sports, and even letting him suck on my toes (I’m usually pretty self-conscious of my enormous feet.) For him I would be happy to be on top, always thrilled to give blowjobs, and in general try anything suggested at least once. And it was FUN. I loved feeling that way. I loved having my scars kissed, and my shape appreciated, and my flaws adored. For him I was the quintessential freak in bed.

I can’t be like that for everyone. Some people just don’t make me feel sexy. And so I blindfold them and I have some fun, but I don’t go out of my comfort zone. I don’t branch out, experiment, or take risks. I don’t dress in cute lingerie for people who don’t make me feel like they want to see me naked.

So yes, it is true that crazy girls have less inhibitions. But perfectly sane girls shed inhibitions easily if given the proper motivation. With that in mind, make sure your partner knows how much you adore them, and then I promise you, you’ll have awesome sex.

Headspace

October 15, 2014 by magicallydelicioussuperslut

In my experience, a lot of BDSM is getting into the headspace required for play. Anyone planing to do a scene; Sub, Dom, or otherwise has to access the place in their head where those feelings come from, to get into the right mood to play.

I am mostly a Domme, and so for me, getting into my headspace has often involved throwing on some metal and setting out my toys.

But I’ve encountered a wrinkle in this preparation. I never noticed before how much my internal sense of strength and value as a person played into my persona.

For the first time in my life, my world is small. I am in a place where things are very spread out and a car is required for anything. I don’t have a car yet (it is being shipped.) Because of my lack of transportation, I am also without a job or friends. I haven’t been able to meet anyone except for the housewives I count as neighbors. They are vanilla, and subservient to their husbands in true 1950’s fashion. I guess that’s life on a military base, but I feel as though just being around them pollutes my mind. It infects my thoughts. It takes away some of my power.

I guess it’s hard to explain. But for the first time in my memory I do not feel powerful. I feel useless; trapped in a house with nothing near by.

And this has effected my ability to be a good Domme. When one does not feel powerful, how can one act powerful? How can I find the headspace I need when all the influences around me are contrary?

It is a short-lived problem. My car should be here next week, and with it comes the ability to meet peope I have been talking to online, to get a job, and to go out and be ME again.

But it has given me pause. I feel that I must not be the only powerful person to find themselves in a powerless place for a short time, and to find that it effects them profoundly.

I look forward reclaiming myself soon. But I am surprised at myself for how I have felt this last month, trapped in a house with no like-minded people around and nothing to do which makes me feel useful or powerful.

It has been a learning experience. That much is for sure.

Discretion

October 8, 2014 by magicallydelicioussuperslut

Discretion has never been something I had to worry about too much. I am from a big city, and I have mostly lived in big cities. I have become accustomed to being anonymous, and I have always appreciated that.

Several years ago when I moved to South Korea, things got a little complicated. The foreign community and kink community were smaller, and so there was more cause for caution. I had to adapt to that idea, and to learn not to use my real name.

But nothing could have prepared me for the discretion required on a tiny island.

I typically work as a teacher. You can well imagine how being outed as kinky would go. I can see the headline now: “TEACHER FIRED IN DISGRACE AFTER BDSM FETISH DISCOVERED.”

I don’t suppose they couldn’t charge me with anything legally, but I imagine they would try. No one wants their small children taught by “one of those freaks.” (Won’t it be nice when the discrimination against BDSM is finally over?)

So the island of Guam is really small. It has about 170,000 people, which is far less people than in any of the cities I have lived. Already, it seems like everyone knows everyone. I have been recognized twice on the street by people I met casually in a different social setting.

This begs the question; what to do when you have to keep who you are quiet? The thing I did first was to simply accept the isolation I felt, and to try to work through it. People here are afraid to meet. They don’t have munches. They want to spend a long time talking online first, to make sure it’s safe. Okay. These are things I accept about living on a tiny community.

Then logistics. Obviously I can’t just go meeting people in highly public areas. After all, I am married and my husband would rather people NOT find out we’re poly or kinky. (Same reason as me- job to worry about.)

But who wants to meet a complete stranger alone at their house? So a nice out-of-the-way restaurant that is busy enough for someone to hear you scream, but slow enough that I may not be recognized. Fine.

It’s only been a month, but my patience is starting to wear thin. I see why people in small towns have such a struggle being kinky.

I don’t know if I’ll be able to date much while here. I’m thankful I have my husband, because without him I’d be all alone.

Hitting on a Girl

October 2, 2014 by magicallydelicioussuperslut

This is something I have discussed before. But since it keeps being a problem, I guess we’re going to keep discussing it.

So here we go again: Tips for talking to a girl for the first time.

More and more relationships are started online. And I personally use fetlife.com and okcupid.com to meet people.

But here’s the problem: A lot of people think a good pick-up line is “Do you want to swallow my cum?”

First: very few girls have that fetish. Most of them find it lumpy and gross. Sure, some girls find it a real turn-on. But it’s less than half so maybe play the odds on this one?

Second: talking to girls isn’t hard. You treat them like people and show them respect. It’s that simple. Sub, Domme, or even a vanilla girl. All women deserve respect. So speak to them like they are human beings.

Let’s talk about pornography. If you sit at home all day and watch it, you might get the impression that all girls are just sitting around waiting to be gang-banged by complete strangers.

But let’s say you talk to a real girl. Not a paid actress. But a real live girl. You don’t want to talk to her like one of the porn stars you jack off to.

Here’s another real actual line I got from a guy: “I just want to show up at a girl’s house and have her be in panties and we just fuck.”

Okay. I have seen that porn.

However, responsible people get STD tests before engaging in sexual escapes with strangers. Why? Well, because condoms are not 100% effective against things like Herpes, and I don’t want to have Herpes.

Now then, another point: Yes, I am a Magically Delicious Super Slut.

However, that does not mean I have sex with everyone I meet. It means I enjoy sex, and I have interesting sex. It’s kinky and it’s exciting and it’s inventive. But it doesn’t mean I just fuck random people who’ve said hi to me online. I do have standards, just like anyone else.

The more you have sex with someone, the better it should get. You get to know one another and what each other likes and that helps. So I like to have relationships rather than one-night stands. That means I tend to choose people worth having a conversation with. If we’re going to lay in bed catching our breaths, it would be nice if we have something to say to one another.

So think it through. Don’t open with crass and obnoxious things like: “I want you to suck my balls.”

What that makes you look like is a woman-hating twerp with no respect for the person you are talking to, as well as someone who is sexually frustrated and poorly endowed. It makes it look like you’re taking your issues out on random people because you fail at relationships.

So what DO you say to a girl?

Well, here’s an obvious one. Read her profile and bring up something from it. For example, “I see you like Firefly. Long live the brown coats!”

If nothing on her profile makes any sense to you, then the chances are you won’t get along. Maybe don’t start a conversation with her, even if she is hot.

Also, it never hurts to start with: “Hi. You seem interesting. Would you like to talk, or maybe get coffee some time?”

I know it sounds crazy, but it works. It shows respect. It shows you recognize that the women you’re talking to is a person, and that you are not objectifying her. And when you treat people with respect and decency, you might actually get a positive response. Imagine that!

Now, I would give tips for meeting people in person, but honestly, I hate doing that. When you bump into a random stranger as a poly Dominatrix, you’re not likely to have anything in common with them. And it can take a very long time to explain that being poly doesn’t mean I’m cheating on my husband, or that I am unhappy in my relationship. And explaining kink to a vanilla person does not always go well.

But if you do meet someone you think you might like in person, maybe keep the same things in mind? Respect. Kindness. Etc…

It’s just basic stuff really, but inevitably I run into people who don’t know it. So hopefully this helped some of those people who may wonder why I didn’t write them back.

magicallydelicioussuperslut

I want to do things to you that you'll be ashamed to talk about in the morning.

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