Monthly Archives: October 2025

Why Halloween is the Best Holiday

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There’s only one holiday where strangers come up to us; be they young or old, beautiful or ugly, Goth or brightly colored, and all are accepted.

I was a Goth kid from way back, and people have heckled me and spit at me for it. I really couldn’t help being drawn to the darker aesthetic, but so often it seemed that others couldn’t help being cruel because of that.

On Halloween, instead of going outside and having people be rude and derisive, I could wear the same thing I wore every day of the year and have people cheerfully remark: “Nice costume!”


Another reason I love Halloween is that it’s for everyone. Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, and so many other holidays are seen as being “for families.” If you sit down to a meal with anyone but blood relations you have to call it something sad like “Friendsgiving,” because it can’t be real Thanksgiving unless you’re surrounded by relatives.

Many people -myself included- grew up without close family. That meant a lot of holidays being pitied by others because I was “missing out.” I hated the way happy families looked down on everyone else at the holidays.

However, Halloween offers all kinds of spooky diversions for people that have nothing to do with family. There are spooky performances, haunted houses, Goth dance nights, and even Fall festivals with hay rides and pumpkin carving, all without need of a family.


In recent years, Christians have used made-up stories and rumors about poisoned candy to take trick-or-treating away from us. A fearful and cowardly bunch, they are too afraid of their neighbors to allow trick-or-treating outside of an environment where they can run anyone they don’t like off. More is the pity, I say.

Despite the miserable fear-mongers and their attempt to ruin the good things of the world, Halloween persists. Even better, the magic is spreading. It was once only an American holiday, but it caught on fast. Now, countries around the world have begun to pick up the torch and embrace the spooky.

May Halloween live long all over the world. There is no better holiday.

Is it Rape?

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This question has come up recently and I want to talk about it. It seems like some of you didn’t learn from the “me too” movement and that’s a shame. But, this is a serious subject and while I’m loath to serious, here we go:

If a person didn’t consent to what you did to them, then it is rape. If a person is too drunk or stoned to consent, then it is rape.

We need ongoing and enthusiastic consent when we have sex. We need to negotiate beforehand, check in throughout, and do aftercare when it’s over. That’s how we have sex in the kink community, okay?

So let’s take a scenario:

A couple is polyamorous but has rules:

• No sex outside the marriage without using protection.

•  Any sex where a condom could have broken or one of them could have been compromised, and they wait two weeks and get tested before having sex with each other.

•  They agree to be honest about what they do with their sexual partners.

Now the husband goes and has sex with his friend, and he does not use a condom. He comes home to his wife, and asks to have sex with her. He assures her that he was safe when he had sex with his friend, and that there is no chance that he could have caught something. Under this understanding, his wife consents to sex.

About a week later the wife has an itching down there. She trusts her husband and assumes it’s just a yeast infection, but the itching persists and she begins to have delicate flesh in her genital area that tears and bleeds.

She goes to her gynecologist and gets tested, and she tests positive for Chlamydia and HPV-8. The gynecologist is unsure if her flesh tearing is due to her autoimmune diseases being aggravated by the Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs), or if she also has HSV-2.

The wife has not had sex with anyone else in years. She has been tested several times during those years when she was only having sex with her husband, and has never tested positive for an STI before.

Later, the friend whom the husband had sex with confesses that she and the husband never used condoms when they had sex.

Now, you tell me: Is this rape?

The wife said yes to sex, didn’t she? She didn’t object during the sex. So how can it be rape?

Well, again:

You have to have informed consent. If you have rules and you break them, then it’s rape. If you say you used a condom and you didn’t, it’s rape. Any time a woman did not consent, or was coerced into consent with lies, it’s rape.

I know this bothers many people.

When I was growing up, men got me drunk and pushed themselves on me. I froze, because I’m Autistic and I didn’t know how to object. Back then, we didn’t call that rape. Men just thought that if you said yes to a drink, then that meant they could have sex with you while you were lying in a pool of vomit rigid and clearly not having fun.

However, we know better now.

We’ve grown as a society. We discussed it. We thought it over, and it turns out that any kind of sex without consent is rape.

A popular show named “Bridgerton” by the delightful Shonda Rhimes features a woman raping a man in the first season. He is trying not to have a child with his wife by using the pullout method. This method is not very effective, but it was the conditions under which he consented to sex. He did not consent to cum inside his wife.

His wife -who wants a child- holds him tightly when he cums so that he cannot pull out.

This is also rape.

They had terms under which they had sex, and she broke them. And folks, that’s also rape. I know back in the 70’s and 80’s men said stuff like: “Men can’t be raped. Sex is like pizza. Even when it’s bad it’s still good.”

That’s the patriarchy speaking, and we don’t listen to that bullshit around here.

If your partner or partners did not consent to sex, it’s rape. If their consent was not enthusiastic and ongoing, then it’s rape. If they were too drunk or stones to consent, then it’s rape.

The End.

Don’t Hunt the Unicorns

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I want to take a moment to talk about some of the most magical people in the polyamorous community. They are called Unicorns.

Unicorns are people (most often women) who enjoy dating couples.

An unfortunate thing I often see in the Polyamorous culture is unhappy couples trying to hunt for a unicorn because they think it will fix their marriage.

Remember: No one wants to date an unhappy couple. Unicorns are attracted to love and joy, and if your marriage isn’t loving and joyful, they won’t want to be part of it.

Even if you have a happy marriage, it’s important to remember that the unicorn may not want to do every single thing together with both of you. Many couples fall into the trap of expecting a unicorn to like each of them equally and only want to do things with both of them together. That’s weird. It’s not natural or normal to expect someone to feel exactly the same about both of you and to always want to be with you together.

Let’s step back for a moment and examine what polyamory actually is.

Polyamory is about a lot of things, but the biggest thing you need to practice is being self-aware and managing jealousy well. You will feel jealous when your partner is with someone else, and moreso if they are with someone else without you. That said, you feeling jealous doesn’t automatically mean you should get everything you want. It also doesn’t mean that what your partner is doing is wrong.



When I was married, my husband would get extremely nosey about anyone I was talking to and everything I said. When I tried to go places with anyone other than him, he would invite himself along. In my experience, men are worse at managing jealousy because they’ve been taught that the only feeling they are allowed to have is anger. Anger is probably the least productive emotion and it only causes conflict, so men who want to practice polyamory need to spend a lot of time working on themselves and learning a few important lessons:

• If anger is your default emotion, then you need to fix that. Anger only causes conflict, and it is the least productive of all the emotions.

• Women are people. They each have their own wants and desires. You can’t make assumptions about what they feel or want based on stereotypes that you learned in elementary school or from other ignorant men. Just let her talk and listen to what she says. It’s not that hard.

• You need to learn to recognize when you are feeling jealous. Then, examine why you feel that way. Are those feelings fair? You want to date other people, so your partner should be able to do the same things as you. Sometimes that means spending time with someone with you. Sometimes that means spending time with someone without you. Either way, it is your responsibility to manage your jealousy, not your partner’s responsibility.

Compresion is the term we use to mean that you are happy that someone else is happy. This is the feeling you want to try to cultivate. If someone wants to spend time with your partner without you, it’s important to focus on being glad that your partner is desired, and happy for them that they are having fun. If you can’t do that, then you are not polyamorous. You shouldn’t be dating unicorns or anyone else.

Here’s something you can think about:

A unicorn is coming into a relationship where he or she doesn’t know any of your inside jokes, and where they don’t have any history with either of you. This can feel lonely. Instead of focusing on yourself or your partner, try to spend time focusing on how the unicorn feels, and try to help them feel comfortable.

Unicorns are special people, and they deserve respect and kindness. So, don’t hunt a unicorn because you’re unhappy and you think it will fix your marriage. It won’t. Adding another person to an unhappy situation will just multiple the unhappiness. Instead, fix your issues on your own, become happy and loving, and then watch the unicorns come to you.